how do you go about that?
V.O for the diary
V.O for the diary
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telling a story thought diary entries in a script.
- Thread starter laurenvictoria
- Start date
IMO voiceovers are a huge no-no in a visual medium.
However, there are times in post where only a voiceover will get you out of a jam.
But to include voiceover in a script long before you begin to shoot is a sign of a lazy writer.
However, there are times in post where only a voiceover will get you out of a jam.
But to include voiceover in a script long before you begin to shoot is a sign of a lazy writer.
I disagree. There's a lot that can be done with a clever narrator. And I think planning for it and writing it in is a better idea than using it as a last-ditch effort. I'm sure there's a lot of stories that use the "dear diary" framework, though the only one I can think of off the top of my head is the episode "Real Me" of the Buffy The Vampire Slayer tv show. Also, if you're shooting for comedy, narrative disconnect works really well (as in, the narrator says "and then I saved the day" while you are watching a building explode, etc). But, again, good narration CAN work in any project (I can't imagine the Virgin Suicides without the narration). I think the key is to remember the "show don't tell" addage, even when you're planning on telling a lot. Show more (and don't show exactly what you just told).
Related note, as far as written word gimmicks, I always liked Scorsese's Age of Innocence. Two characters exchange letters; they begin with voice over, but transition to a shot of the character who wrote the letter speaking it out loud, indicating how the character reading the letter pictured them as they were reading. A little heavy handed, but I thought it worked well.
Related note, as far as written word gimmicks, I always liked Scorsese's Age of Innocence. Two characters exchange letters; they begin with voice over, but transition to a shot of the character who wrote the letter speaking it out loud, indicating how the character reading the letter pictured them as they were reading. A little heavy handed, but I thought it worked well.
It is the very rare beginning filmmaker that can pull off
good VO or narration.
Those of you offering the examples of skilled and talented
writers and directors should go see high school and college
film festivals. I do - every year. The vast majority of beginning
filmmakers have not yet reached the skill to pull it off.
their actions. You could counter the V.O. with what really
happened. As she reads her feelings about what happened in
school that day, show that what really happened is very different.
good VO or narration.
Those of you offering the examples of skilled and talented
writers and directors should go see high school and college
film festivals. I do - every year. The vast majority of beginning
filmmakers have not yet reached the skill to pull it off.
In most cases a diary is about the persons feelings - and not
their actions. You could counter the V.O. with what really
happened. As she reads her feelings about what happened in
school that day, show that what really happened is very different.
Does this seem natural? sorry about the format
int.house. day
We see Evan running up the stairs in a state of panic. he is wearing a suit and has a suit jacket is thrown over his shoulder. He runs into one of the bedrooms and begins searching for something. While looking through some items. he bumps into a pile of books and one book falls down.
EVAN
"shoot"
He picks up the book and it reads "diary". He pauses then opens the diary and begins to read one of the entries.
INT. BEDROOM. DAY. A FEW MONTHS EARLIER.
Hannah is on her bed, writing in her journal.
HANNAH V.O
"September 2, 2010, dear diary, Its my first day of high school today!"
Hannah is packing books into a back pack.then goes and brushes her hair in front of a mirror. She is constantly pacing back and forth from the mirror to the clock, checking the time.
HANNAH V.O
" It's unbelievable...and i feel so old. how am i in high school already!"
As Hanna walks to her window and opens the curtain. After the window is fully exposed she glances at the house across the street. Her neighbor Evan,a sophomore in high school, is outside getting the mail.
HANNAH V.O
"Hopefully Evan is in some of my Classes this year..When we were younger, we were like best friends"
Ext.BACK YARD. day. 7 years earlier
Evan and Hannah at age 8 are chasing each other around a playset. They are both laughing.
HANNAH V.O
" I was always at his house, or he was at mine. we were inseparable. but we've really grown apart these past few years,
the shot of the two playing fades to an empty play set."
INT. BEDROOM. DAY. A FEW MONTHS EARLIER.
Hannah is still looking out the window. Evan grabs the mail then starts walking back towards his house.
HANNAH V.O
" Especially after his mom died a few years ago. I havent seen him in forever. Hopefully we can reconnect these next four years. Well i have to go catch a bus. Bye!"
Hannah puts down the diary on her bed , grabs her pack pack, then runs out the door.
int.house. day
We see Evan running up the stairs in a state of panic. he is wearing a suit and has a suit jacket is thrown over his shoulder. He runs into one of the bedrooms and begins searching for something. While looking through some items. he bumps into a pile of books and one book falls down.
EVAN
"shoot"
He picks up the book and it reads "diary". He pauses then opens the diary and begins to read one of the entries.
INT. BEDROOM. DAY. A FEW MONTHS EARLIER.
Hannah is on her bed, writing in her journal.
HANNAH V.O
"September 2, 2010, dear diary, Its my first day of high school today!"
Hannah is packing books into a back pack.then goes and brushes her hair in front of a mirror. She is constantly pacing back and forth from the mirror to the clock, checking the time.
HANNAH V.O
" It's unbelievable...and i feel so old. how am i in high school already!"
As Hanna walks to her window and opens the curtain. After the window is fully exposed she glances at the house across the street. Her neighbor Evan,a sophomore in high school, is outside getting the mail.
HANNAH V.O
"Hopefully Evan is in some of my Classes this year..When we were younger, we were like best friends"
Ext.BACK YARD. day. 7 years earlier
Evan and Hannah at age 8 are chasing each other around a playset. They are both laughing.
HANNAH V.O
" I was always at his house, or he was at mine. we were inseparable. but we've really grown apart these past few years,
the shot of the two playing fades to an empty play set."
INT. BEDROOM. DAY. A FEW MONTHS EARLIER.
Hannah is still looking out the window. Evan grabs the mail then starts walking back towards his house.
HANNAH V.O
" Especially after his mom died a few years ago. I havent seen him in forever. Hopefully we can reconnect these next four years. Well i have to go catch a bus. Bye!"
Hannah puts down the diary on her bed , grabs her pack pack, then runs out the door.
Why, even after several people have offered their time
and experience do you still use "ing"? I understand that
the spacing will not translate to the forum - I do not
understand why you will not take just a few moments of
your valuable time and attempt to get close to the proper
format.
and experience do you still use "ing"? I understand that
the spacing will not translate to the forum - I do not
understand why you will not take just a few moments of
your valuable time and attempt to get close to the proper
format.
Not at all, but it takes a lot of skill to use it to best effect. Films like "Forrest Gump" and "The Shawshank Redemption" make excellent use of narration. My objection is when it is used to fill plot holes or otherwise cover for a weak story line, and especially when it's forced on a project after the fact (during editing).
It's a screenwriting format rule- passive vs active verbs.
http://www.englishpage.com/verbpage/activepassive.html
Thank you
please don't get super, defensive, annoyed, angry, disturbed or whatever when i ask this but why does everyone freak out if the format is not correct? isn't the story more important than the format of the script? Shouldn't the format be the least of my worries until i am satisfied with the story? I was writing a script earlier today and i was getting no where with my story because i was freaking out about the format. i felt like it was slowing my creativity.
this is an honest question. please do not criticize me for it.
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First, I'm no pro but:
What Directoric means but "ing" Are the verbs in bold. Also, you write things like,"Begins to read". How do you begin to read?? You don't, you just read. Or,"Starts walking"?? You don't strat to walk, you just walk. So instead write something like,"He runs" She reads" Or She opens the book to the middle and reads. You need to understand that you are not writing prose. You are writing ACTION lines. And that's what they are for, action. So colorful metaphors, and adjectives are pretty much out the window. Be consice and to the point. The action is to drive the story forward, not to get bogged down in being pretty.
Keep writing.
thank you, i think i'm starting to understand that a little more
But you are not just writing a story. You are asking US to read it. So we all need a common language between us. That common language is proper screen writing format. Its nothing personal to you. Believe me, the guy that reads me stuff isn't as nice as what you're encountering.
So use the common language, and more people will see your story and not your bad format.This is absolutely true and I 100% agree.
The trouble is is that people who know about films will not read your screenplay if it's not formatted correctly. The story may be great but the industry has laid down a standard that everyone conforms to. There are so many writers at work with good stories that it's important that you write it in the correct format, especially if you want people to actually read it and take it seriously.
It's all about communicating your idea best. Formatting properly is a small sacrifice if it gets eyes on your script.
ok! that makes sense! i guess it should be formatted correctly if i am presenting it to someone. Gotchya! thanks!
I said exactly the same thing as Nick two days ago and you
said you understood then. What happened?
Take another look at the responses in this thread. Look
at post #4 again. And then look at post #6 where I
talk about a better way to present your work.
If format freaks you out then you do not need to write
in the proper format. But when you post a script or a
scene in the incorrect format that's all people will see.
It's like taking a picture and asking people to look at the
intent of the picture and ignore that it is not in focus.
No it isn't. Not when you are showing a script. Screenplay
format isn't at all important if you are showing people your
novel.
If you cannot take the time to present your screenplay
in the screenplay format, people will not be able to comment
on anything but the improper format. If you believe that
is not fair, I kind of agree with you. But a screenplay is a very
specific style of writing.
Take all the time you need to write your story. Do not even
think about format. But before you show it to fellow screenwriters
show the deserved respect and rewrite it into the proper format.
sorry dude, i guess i didnt see when you wrote the same thing as nick. And what do you mean "show the deserved respect" i'm not trying to be disrespectful, i've never posted or shown anyone a script before in my life. I dont know the "proper etiquette". I'm sorry if you felt that way.
i really appreciate all the advice.
I know you weren't trying to be disrespectful when you show a
script that is not in format and has not been spell checked or
checked for proper grammar. But I feel it is respectful of other
writers to present your writing as well as you can. Especially the
second or third time.
I took time to read your "Alice" script and offered suggestions -
including the use of "ing" and proper format. So did others. Then
you posted this and seemed to not even remember we had said
anything. It's a little difficult for anyone to take the time and
then have the advice seemingly forgotten. I did write almost
exactly the same thing as Nick and I wrote it two days ago. I'm
sorry you didn't even remember it. You even said;
Anyway, I apologize. You go ahead and post exactly as you want to
post. Do not worry about screenplay format. Write it the way you
want to write it. Don't worry about old guys like me. It won't
happen again.