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Story Ad 1 in progress - feedback thread

This is an ad in the alpha stage of development. I haven't posted one of these for a while, since I got so much response from the first one I posted (it was terrible) that responding to all the responses started to take a lot of time away from actually developing the ad. However, this new ad is going to be a significant one, requiring a lot of man hours and eventually promotional expense, so I wanted to workshop it a bit during development, and get some feedback.

I also thought it might be of some interest to others to follow along with the development of such an ad, so people can see the process over time.

Some background info - This ad has been in development for about a week now, and is currently riddled with all types of errors. It's coherent enough at this point that I think people can grasp what the end goal might look like. The purpose of this ad is not to be informative, but simply to be mysterious and interesting, enough to get the various artists my team needs to recruit engaged in a conversation. It's also something of a "state of the union" milestone for visual development. Our first video with hundreds of people filling out a scene that stretches as far as the eye can see. My initial estimate on the pipeline construction was about 18 months, and this ad is being produced right at the 9 month mark. I think we're on track to achieve marketable quality cells delivered by mid to late next year.

It's not incredibly relevant, but this ad is referring to a section of the larger story that takes place a good way into the game/film. In the ring chapter "Off Planet" the audience discovers that world they live in is considerably larger in scope than initially imagined.

I am aware of the technical errors, but I'd love to hear feedback on overall impressions, such as the visual quality, impact of certain scenes with particular chord changes in the music, or just how people perceive the ad or various moments within it.

No foley work has been done yet. I feel like the audio mix is terrible.
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I'd like to see some progression instead of all b-roll.
Here's an idea - give that space ship some windows.

Halfway through take us inside and it's a guided tour. We see the narrator talking to the people inside the space ship.
And if you look on your left, you will see...etc

Maybe get a couple of side remarks from the passengers wispering to each other to spice up the audience experience.
I was thinking about doing a cockpit view shot from the spacecraft, and maybe a dad showing his kid the earth in the sky. Unfortunately the narrator has died about 25 years ago, so narration extensions would be problematic.

This narration is taken from one of the most famous speeches about astronomy, written in 1994 by astronomer Carl Sagan. I ran his voice through about 6 guitar pedals, for dramatic effect and modernization. It's sourced from a book on tape, which will be relatively cheap to license from.

Good suggestions, I might try the passenger thing.