Short script finished. Need help with formatting.

J

joey1320

I finally finished a script - yayyy me! - but I'm sure the formatting is not completely correct. I've tried to learn as much as possible by reading forums like this one, reading other scripts and watching plenty of educational videos, but I know I'm just not good enough at it. So now what???

Is there anyone willing to read over the script (7 pages) and edit it or format it properly? I'm willing to pay for the time. I would love to be able to send/post the script for a director to take over and shoot it, but I want to provide the best possible one.

I can also add a link to the script and will utilize any feedback given on it. What file sharing format would you guys like me to use?

I have two other ideas I want to write down but I don't want to do so without giving this first one my all.

Any help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Joey
 
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Why don't you use Celtx? It's free and puts the writing in the proper format so that you don't have to worry about it. I can still review your screenplay, but if you want to be a screenwriter, you should at least learn proper structure.
 
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The first thing I must point out is when you are writing a screenplay it is written in present tense not whatever tense you were writing in. For example, You had "An older lady is wrapping an item in a blanket" It should have been, " An older lady wraps an item in a blanket." I don't think your sluglines are properly hyphenated. And lastly, you should not, in your screenplay, under any circumstance tell the camera operator what to do. Close up, cut to, etc. Leave that for the production team at the actual shoot. Why do you keep using two space characters after a period?
 
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Quality said:
The first thing I must point out is when you are writing a screenplay it is written in present tense not whatever tense you were writing in. For example, You had "An older lady is wrapping an item in a blanket" It should have been, " An older lady wraps an item in a blanket." I don't think your sluglines are properly hyphenated. And lastly, you should not, in your screenplay, under any circumstance tell the camera operator what to do. Close up, cut to, etc. Leave that for the production team at the actual shoot. Why do you keep using two space characters after a period?
Click to expand...



Thanks for the tips.
I'll work on switching to the correct tenses.
Not sure why I kept going back and forth on those.

Regarding the two spaces after a period, I'm writing this on my cellphone, usually while at work, so I think I'm just completely missing them. Thanks for pointing those out.

Regarding the shots, meaning telling the camera operator what/how, I see the movie in my head and I type it as I see it. I'll have to work on not putting in those details.
 
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In your screenplay you have two spaces after a period. This is not typewriter days with monospacing. Software do line spacing for you automatically. From Microsoft Word to the most advanced grammar editing software. If you want to write notes on how you want the camera to operate, to brief the cinematographer at a later date you can, but don't put it in the screenplay.
 
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Quality said:
In your screenplay you have two spaces after a period. This is not typewriter days with monospacing. Software do line spacing for you automatically. From Microsoft Word to the most advanced grammar editing software. If you want to write notes on how you want the camera to operate, to brief the cinematographer at a later date you can, but don't put it in the screenplay.
Click to expand...


No, actually what I meant was that I'm writing the screenplays on my cellphone, usually while at work, although sometimes I write them while trying to put the little ones to sleep. I hardly have any time whatsoever to sit down, use my laptop and spend the time I wish I could :(

I'll make sure to remove the shot info and make notes for whomever. I may end up trying to shoot the movie myself if/when the time permits, if nobody is interested in it.
 
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The two spaces thing isn't a big deal. While the software handles things today, many of us where taught to type with two spaces, even on a computer. I still do this today as evident by this post. I really won't throw off your page count drastically and nobody cares if you go single or double after the periods.
 
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joey1320 said:
Is there anyone willing to read over the script (7 pages) and edit it or format it properly? I'm willing to pay for the time. I would love to be able to send/post the script for a director to take over and shoot it, but I want to provide the best possible one.
Click to expand...
You have a nice story here. This would be a story a beginning director
could do something good with.

You asked for formatting help:

Remove all the shots and camera direction. I understand they you see
specific shots in your head as you write but if you really want a director
to take over and shoot it then you should allow that director to set up
the shots. For example; you see a zoom in on the girls face as she sees
the music box. I'm a director who would never use a zoom for that. If
it isn't essential I suggest you leave it out of your script. If it is, then it
must be there. How essential is a “zoom in” to you and to your story?
Try one draft without any camera direction and see if you still get your
story across. If you feel you story is compromised without specific close
ups or zooms or moves then put them back.

I have no issue with two spaces after a period, as Quality does. I do it.
It is not improper formatting to do it. It's a writers choice. Speaking of
writers choice, I do not like to line readings in the parentheticals. I see
it as a choice so it doesn't fall into improper formatting, but it is distracting
to me as a reader. For example; in the parenthetical you write “Clearly
frustrated” before the Boyfriend's line “How long is this going to take.”
Well... you're right, he is clearly frustrated. Why do you need to tell me
(the reader), the director and the actor that? Do you think the director
and actor will not understand the the Boyfriend is frustrated at that point?

I agree with Quality about tense. “is wrapping” is called present progressive.
In fiction, it's used to indicate a secondary action continuing up until or while
the main action - the sentence's primary verb - occurs. Mary is hiking and
steps on a leprechaun. Mary is kneading bread when the phone rings. Stick
to present tense.

As I said, you have a good short here. Easy to make, few locations, few
actors and a good story. Make it a little easier to read and give a potential
director more leeway in how to shoot it.
 
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directorik said:
You have a nice story here. This would be a story a beginning director
could do something good with.

You asked for formatting help:

Remove all the shots and camera direction. I understand they you see
specific shots in your head as you write but if you really want a director
to take over and shoot it then you should allow that director to set up
the shots. For example; you see a zoom in on the girls face as she sees
the music box. I'm a director who would never use a zoom for that. If
it isn't essential I suggest you leave it out of your script. If it is, then it
must be there. How essential is a “zoom in” to you and to your story?
Try one draft without any camera direction and see if you still get your
story across. If you feel you story is compromised without specific close
ups or zooms or moves then put them back.

I have no issue with two spaces after a period, as Quality does. I do it.
It is not improper formatting to do it. It's a writers choice. Speaking of
writers choice, I do not like to line readings in the parentheticals. I see
it as a choice so it doesn't fall into improper formatting, but it is distracting
to me as a reader. For example; in the parenthetical you write “Clearly
frustrated” before the Boyfriend's line “How long is this going to take.”
Well... you're right, he is clearly frustrated. Why do you need to tell me
(the reader), the director and the actor that? Do you think the director
and actor will not understand the the Boyfriend is frustrated at that point?

I agree with Quality about tense. “is wrapping” is called present progressive.
In fiction, it's used to indicate a secondary action continuing up until or while
the main action - the sentence's primary verb - occurs. Mary is hiking and
steps on a leprechaun. Mary is kneading bread when the phone rings. Stick
to present tense.

As I said, you have a good short here. Easy to make, few locations, few
actors and a good story. Make it a little easier to read and give a potential
director more leeway in how to shoot it.
Click to expand...

Yeah, what he said.
 
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directorik said:
You have a nice story here. This would be a story a beginning director
could do something good with.

You asked for formatting help:

Remove all the shots and camera direction. I understand they you see
specific shots in your head as you write but if you really want a director
to take over and shoot it then you should allow that director to set up
the shots. For example; you see a zoom in on the girls face as she sees
the music box. I'm a director who would never use a zoom for that. If
it isn't essential I suggest you leave it out of your script. If it is, then it
must be there. How essential is a “zoom in” to you and to your story?
Try one draft without any camera direction and see if you still get your
story across. If you feel you story is compromised without specific close
ups or zooms or moves then put them back.

I have no issue with two spaces after a period, as Quality does. I do it.
It is not improper formatting to do it. It's a writers choice. Speaking of
writers choice, I do not like to line readings in the parentheticals. I see
it as a choice so it doesn't fall into improper formatting, but it is distracting
to me as a reader. For example; in the parenthetical you write “Clearly
frustrated” before the Boyfriend's line “How long is this going to take.”
Well... you're right, he is clearly frustrated. Why do you need to tell me
(the reader), the director and the actor that? Do you think the director
and actor will not understand the the Boyfriend is frustrated at that point?

I agree with Quality about tense. “is wrapping” is called present progressive.
In fiction, it's used to indicate a secondary action continuing up until or while
the main action - the sentence's primary verb - occurs. Mary is hiking and
steps on a leprechaun. Mary is kneading bread when the phone rings. Stick
to present tense.

As I said, you have a good short here. Easy to make, few locations, few
actors and a good story. Make it a little easier to read and give a potential
director more leeway in how to shoot it.
Click to expand...


Thanks for the detailed response.
I'll apply the advice :)

Glad to know you enjoyed the story. I have another one, somewhat similar, which I want to get to asap since it's just harassing me on a daily basis.
 
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