Short Film that I made

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I enjoyed the looks of the short, good job :)

A couple of things I noticed;

As posted above, the dark skies and no vehicle lights.

The actors pointing the flashlights in one direction but looking at a different location. When looking for something, especially the guy(tracker?), the light and eyes should follow one motion. Where you point the light, you look and you aim the gun.

The girl hiding did a terrible job. You have got to put yourself in the guys' place. Could you had seen her? I'm pretty sure you could and so could the audience. Not a big deal now, since you were testing new techniques, but every time you shoot, is a time to learn.

The girl attacking the guy was super horrid. There was no way he didn't see her, therefore she shouldn't be able to get "the jump" on him. He completely stepped onto the aisle, and it would have been better and more believable if she had attacked him right before he takes the step into it.

Again, these are things that may not mean much now, since you were practicing new stuff, but it never hurts to think ahead.

Keep it up!
 
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Very nice! Overall, I think it has a great aesthetic. The fake lens flares didn't really work for me, but otherwise, it looks fantastic. I thought you incorporated sound nicely, and the overall mood cast was very effective! I was a little confused as to who these people were and what they were doing, but that somehow didn't seem to lessen the suspense for me. Bravo! :)
 
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joey1320 said:
I enjoyed the looks of the short, good job :)

A couple of things I noticed;

As posted above, the dark skies and no vehicle lights.

The actors pointing the flashlights in one direction but looking at a different location. When looking for something, especially the guy(tracker?), the light and eyes should follow one motion. Where you point the light, you look and you aim the gun.

The girl hiding did a terrible job. You have got to put yourself in the guys' place. Could you had seen her? I'm pretty sure you could and so could the audience. Not a big deal now, since you were testing new techniques, but every time you shoot, is a time to learn.

The girl attacking the guy was super horrid. There was no way he didn't see her, therefore she shouldn't be able to get "the jump" on him. He completely stepped onto the aisle, and it would have been better and more believable if she had attacked him right before he takes the step into it.

Again, these are things that may not mean much now, since you were practicing new stuff, but it never hurts to think ahead.

Keep it up!
Click to expand...

I agree on all the points .

Thank you very much :) .
 
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Cracker Funk said:
Very nice! Overall, I think it has a great aesthetic. The fake lens flares didn't really work for me, but otherwise, it looks fantastic. I thought you incorporated sound nicely, and the overall mood cast was very effective! I was a little confused as to who these people were and what they were doing, but that somehow didn't seem to lessen the suspense for me. Bravo! :)
Click to expand...


Thanks ! (:
 
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Looks great, nice work. That's a great location, tons of free production value!

I think you could really improve it with some editing, maybe take 2 minutes out - basically we just get too much looking around the room, first with her and then with the guy. Otherwise good stuff.
 
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