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Script Doctors
- Thread starter TheBuck
- Start date
It’s problematic at a glance:
Slug lines are incomplete.
Characters aren’t capped at introduction.
Stuff is underlined. (Was there bold too?)
Pages starting on action.
All caps in the parenthetical
Typos
Caps on action for no reason.
The action in general has the typical assortment of "problems".
I've seen far worse.
You can look at this for basic formatting:
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/eng/howtoformatascreenplay
If there is a story buried in it, you can clean things up and draw it out in a more traditional,
easier to read presentation pretty easily.
-Thanks-
Slug lines are incomplete.
Characters aren’t capped at introduction.
Stuff is underlined. (Was there bold too?)
Pages starting on action.
All caps in the parenthetical
Typos
Caps on action for no reason.
The action in general has the typical assortment of "problems".
I've seen far worse.
You can look at this for basic formatting:
http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/eng/howtoformatascreenplay
If there is a story buried in it, you can clean things up and draw it out in a more traditional,
easier to read presentation pretty easily.
-Thanks-
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I agree with everything here but not too sure what you mean by this.
Please explain the reasoning and if possible what page this occurs in the script which is posted. I'm not saying you're wrong but just want a bit more explanation what is exactly wrong in the script with this quote. Thanks.
I mean that a page (tradtionally) should only start on a slug line or a character cue, not on a free floating action line. (As seen on pages 5 and 7)
You don't want to cut in half and split between two pages the slugline/action combination unit of info (For the reader), but beyond that, when the action is cleaned up to accomadate starting only on a slug or character cue, the story can move (In a reading sense) with a better momentum from page to page. Button lines (for example) can have more impact when they are the last piece of dialogue for that scene and at the bottom of that page.
It can also help create a page turner effect via the dialogue, like when Character A says something dramatic at the bottom of page 5, we are compelled to flip to page 6 and get right to the reaction dialogue of Character B.
The last rewrite I do is when working this effect going to PDF. I preview the page in PDF and 8 times out of 10 I can look at my page and find an action line to shorten that will allow the scene to inch back and end at the bottom of a page. (A few times a script there will be a page that has a little gap at the bottom, because it's unavoidable.)
I think some software will even alert you or automatically push your slugline to the next page if the action spills over.
-Thanks-
You don't want to cut in half and split between two pages the slugline/action combination unit of info (For the reader), but beyond that, when the action is cleaned up to accomadate starting only on a slug or character cue, the story can move (In a reading sense) with a better momentum from page to page. Button lines (for example) can have more impact when they are the last piece of dialogue for that scene and at the bottom of that page.
It can also help create a page turner effect via the dialogue, like when Character A says something dramatic at the bottom of page 5, we are compelled to flip to page 6 and get right to the reaction dialogue of Character B.
The last rewrite I do is when working this effect going to PDF. I preview the page in PDF and 8 times out of 10 I can look at my page and find an action line to shorten that will allow the scene to inch back and end at the bottom of a page. (A few times a script there will be a page that has a little gap at the bottom, because it's unavoidable.)
I think some software will even alert you or automatically push your slugline to the next page if the action spills over.
-Thanks-
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Thanks for the link I'll make sure to check it out.
I knew there would be typos, I fear without and editor there will always be typos from me
I feel your pain. I am slightly dyslexic (Was invited to a toga party and went dressed as a goat!) and have spelled my own name wrong on occasion.
I didn't read your script (Yet), but from what I see it's not the end of the world, it's just the start of a rewrite (which is all part of the fun no matter what) that you will come away from better off for.
-Thanks-
I've never heard that before.
Then I will try to take credit for inventing it. 
I believe it's refered to in some instances as "Orphaning" the slugline. If at the bottom of page 2 you start the slug without enough room to add the action line, then page 3 would start with action (Orphaning the slugline -so you would push the slugline to the next page.) Also, by the same token, if you were to shorten the overall action on page 2 so as to allow the slugline AND actionline to fit at the bottom of the page, then page 3 would start on a character cue.
When no slugline is in the scenario (just action) I personally make it fit on the page before, or push the last character cue (that falls before the action) to the next page.
This can be madness when the push forward leaves you trying to then inch back a following buttonline so that it turns its trick at the bottom of the previous page, but most times (Not always) when this happens (For me at least), I can count on it as an indication that the action somewhere in that area can be written cleaner.
Sometimes I write with parathethicals on purpose knowing that when the refining draft stage comes, I can yank them out and have that one line less I need to inch the button line back to the previous page.
-Thanks-
I believe it's refered to in some instances as "Orphaning" the slugline. If at the bottom of page 2 you start the slug without enough room to add the action line, then page 3 would start with action (Orphaning the slugline -so you would push the slugline to the next page.) Also, by the same token, if you were to shorten the overall action on page 2 so as to allow the slugline AND actionline to fit at the bottom of the page, then page 3 would start on a character cue.
When no slugline is in the scenario (just action) I personally make it fit on the page before, or push the last character cue (that falls before the action) to the next page.
This can be madness when the push forward leaves you trying to then inch back a following buttonline so that it turns its trick at the bottom of the previous page, but most times (Not always) when this happens (For me at least), I can count on it as an indication that the action somewhere in that area can be written cleaner.
Sometimes I write with parathethicals on purpose knowing that when the refining draft stage comes, I can yank them out and have that one line less I need to inch the button line back to the previous page.
-Thanks-
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Terrific. Another rule to be followed.
Thanks Buddy for taking the time to explain. Like directorik I had not heard of that before and for me it's not as big of a deal breaker (not sure for others out there though). As long as some action accompanies the slug before the bottom of the page I'm cool with that. But, I do like how you would try to use it to your advantage and trying to keep the script a "page turner". But I do believe action can be (or even more so) a page turner then dialogue. Also, careful on how much white you do leave on the bottom because that could come back to haunt you. Pushing too much info to the next page could show (and not intentionally) that you are stretching your script because of lack of pages.
But again, if you can pull it off to the advantage of page turning then hats off because that is the end goal.
But again, if you can pull it off to the advantage of page turning then hats off because that is the end goal.