This may seem vauge again, but what we're doing actually has significant overlap with what you're describing here. Once you understand the problem, maybe it will be more clear, but that doesn't make your feedback any less accurate. People will be seeing our first ad with no prior knowledge, so if it's leaving people confused, that's something I need to address through redesign.I agree with the voice, but on a big picture level, I don't understand what this is. I am left with more questions than answers.
It doesn't seem like something someone would immediately be interested in, because there is... nothing to draw that interest. So, it's a film collective of sorts to make an animated film. But any film? It's all very vague as to the films, how people work together, etc. I would think it would be more appealing to announce the actual film. "Hey, do you want to work Aliens from Uranus? It's about (blah blah bah) and YOU can be a part, here's how!
So maybe, you don't need a mass-appeal commercial for phase 1. You assemble a skeleton team and figure out the project. THEN you do an commercial, for project #1 and the future ones.
Interesting, that's a good example of an informative ad. When I started out making that ad, many of the team felt that our visual imagery should take a front seat, and I wanted to do the infinite zoom, to try a bit of visual communication of the concept, a series of nested worlds. Needless to say, based on recent feedback, that's not been as effective as hoped.No, I don't think that helps at all. I want more information. Here watch this, and you end up knowing exactly what it is:
obviously the second, but I have 3 questions.D'you want the sugar coated version, or the harsh reality reaction (with notes)?
ok, those are all good questions, and I think the first line is maybe the worst line. I'm planning to remove that, and InonV made some very good points as well. Thanks for the feedback, that's helpful.It starts off sounding like an informercial.
"You know that think you've been looking for?"
Then it starts talking about a team and everyone gets credit. So we assume this is a volunteer position but it is never actually stated. And there is no explanation of how this team works. So anyone that contributes is part of the team? There is no quality control, or hierarchy? Who decides what? Whose work gets used, and not? I still don't get it. I don't understand how this formula works in creating something great. It sounds like an open call for anyone to work on a patchwork animated film for free. You need to explain how this actually works. You mentioned you had a team already. Is this just people that signed up from the promos? Or do you have a board of directors or similar?
1 why did you need to ask? you already knew my answer.
3. ... I'm really looking for more conventional feedback, such "the music was too loud"
2. why does it have to be harsh? When I work with people on a mix, one says 10 another says 8, we turn the knob to 9 and just nod at each other. It's not always a dramatic process, lol
00:00 You know that thing you've been looking for? "Thing" - very weak word, especially when talking to artists.
00:05 A group of real people you could work
00:06 with to make your art form into a real product - you're implying their art isn't real ; that's an immediate turn-off
00:08 that people watch?
00:10 We built that: it's called Save Point, and "Built" - past tense - so we should be able to see it. Where is it?
00:13 you can join it no matter what kind of no barrier to entry, no filter, no quality control
00:15 artist you are.
00:16 It never costs anything. Sure, it costs someone something, so there's a catch - what is it?
00:17 We just work together "just" - the ultimate put-down ; we're not "serious"
00:19 to build an animated show so it's "just" some kind of cartoon series - the new Simpsons, maybe?
00:21 at a professional level - with "no matter what kind of artist" and "never costs anything" ? The next 20 seconds better be really convincing ...
00:23 and build up our credentials and okay, so this is some kind mutual referral scheme, like LinkedIn validation?
00:24 experience to help every member
00:26 get closer to a position in the film or more of the LinkedIn-like fluff - not actually a position in film or TV, just "get closer to a position"
00:28 television industry.
00:30 Here's how it works: whether you're an artist, animator, musician or filmmaker 30 seconds in, finally ...
00:35 you can join the team - eh ... yeah, we heard that already at 00:13. Everyone and anyone.
00:37 and we will provide you with sections of our story that you can work on. - same as every other animation studio then ...
00:41 We can help you learn new skills or so it's an apprenticeship?
00:44 teach you how to use the skills you already have, - if I have them, why do I need to be taught?
00:45 effectively within a team.
00:48 If you're already at a high level of skill, - the last 48 seconds have emphasised how this is all about amateurs getting a foot on the ladder; why would I want to be involved?
00:50 we can learn to work with you, creating - oh! You want to use my skills to build up your credentials (so that's what you meant at 00:23).
00:53 simple ways to adapt your existing - huh? you think my high-level skills can be simplified ?
00:54 workflow into our show. ... so, again, it's all about you.
00:57 The final product is a new type of animated series - What's new about it? Where's the demo?
01:00 which we will broadcast on many platforms. - Facebook? Instagram? TikTok? Who's paying for this, seeing as it "never costs anything" (00:16)
01:03 People who work on the project are fully credited and appear on imdb as part of the staff. - Wow!
01:08 Of course - On the defensive, when you should have total control of this presentation?
01:10 we don't have time to explain everything here, -1 minute 30 seconds is loads of time, if used wisely.
01:12 but if you're interested in learning more - "if" - not exactly a forceful call to action; and to be still at the "if" stage after 1m10s doesn't inspire confidence
01:14 you can check out the Save Point website
01:17 at savepointofficial.com or simply find - dumbing down again
01:20 us on discord using the link at the top
01:22 of that page.
01:24 Almost anyone can join the project: - Hang on - now it's only almost anyone? Who's not welcome now?
01:27 you just need to be over 18 years old - "just ..." again
01:29 and have some type of skill - The penultimate line before the call to action and ... yeah, we'll take pretty much anyone.
01:30 relevant to art animation or sound. Find out more now