Rate my new movie, LayUp

[indietalk]

I thought when he put the cap on he was gonna make shots like that movie about the sneakers. But nope the cap was just an old lice-ridden cap he put on.

 

[indietalk]

Maybe that was the plan but he could never make a shot?

 

[Drowynaut55]

You have to watch this.

Thanks!

 

[Drowynaut55]

Funny you say that as it was one of the things that didn't really come off as believable in this movie (maybe I overestimated his ability). I don't know if you meant it as a parody or not, but there's no way someone's going to take days on end of practicing to make one simple shot from right in front of the basket.

The film would have been more engaging and made more sense if he was trying to make some incredible shot, like something you see on youtube, where they throw it from 50 yards and bounce it off a roof then onto something else and into the net. It becomes believable then, seeing him try day after day to make it and getting disheartened. You can empathise with the desire and commitment of the protaganist.

You could even fake the final shot with some clever editing, just break up the different aspects of the trick shot. Take a look at that final putt scene in Happy Gimore as an example of what I mean.

Whatever you decide, let's see it go in the net!

 

[Unknown Screenwriter]

First off? I liked it... I took this film in the context of it being a very early piece of work in your journey of becoming a filmmaker. The fact that you used video and music from entities you obviously do not have the rights for tells me this is very early work. Like indietalk said though... What if the finished product here was really outstanding? Really worthwhile? You'd be hard pressed to submit this to any kind of a festival because of the rights problem and that would be a shame. Having said that? I think it's VERY GOOD PRACTICE although I didn't really understand the small town ice cream scene. Didn't seem to move anything forward to me.

Suggestion? Since the character has never made a shot? Why not consider having the character use VISUALIZATION to make his shots along with his OTHER training? Show him visualizing lay ups and free throw shots. Plus? I dug the scene of him going out in the dark to practice... Consider having the character perform visualization of making some shots and then instead of practicing in the dark? Have him go out in the dark, not being able to see a thing and have him try the shot as if he was performing the visualization shots... All we hear is the SWISH of the basket being made.

Something along those lines... Don't want to get too detailed because it's your film.

Read this for some inspiration!

 

[Drowynaut55]

First off? I liked it... I took this film in the context of it being a very early piece of work in your journey of becoming a filmmaker. The fact that you used video and music from entities you obviously do not have the rights for tells me this is very early work. Like indietalk said though... What if the finished product here was really outstanding? Really worthwhile? You'd be hard pressed to submit this to any kind of a festival because of the rights problem and that would be a shame. Having said that? I think it's VERY GOOD PRACTICE although I didn't really understand the small town ice cream scene. Didn't seem to move anything forward to me.

Suggestion? Since the character has never made a shot? Why not consider having the character use VISUALIZATION to make his shots along with his OTHER training? Show him visualizing lay ups and free throw shots. Plus? I dug the scene of him going out in the dark to practice... Consider having the character perform visualization of making some shots and then instead of practicing in the dark? Have him go out in the dark, not being able to see a thing and have him try the shot as if he was performing the visualization shots... All we hear is the SWISH of the basket being made.

Something along those lines... Don't want to get too detailed because it's your film.

Read this for some inspiration!

Great, this is very helpful. I really appreciate the feedback. I think I should remake the film with those dreamy sequences because thats a great idea. I also should take into consideration next time the copyrighted music like you said. I probably wouldn't have used "Thats Life" if I never watched the final scene from A Bronx Tale which is one of my favorite movies. Thanks again!

 

[Drowynaut55]

Great, this is very helpful. I really appreciate the feedback. I think I should remake the film with those dreamy sequences because thats a great idea. I also should take into consideration next time the copyrighted music like you said. I probably wouldn't have used "Thats Life" if I never watched the final scene from A Bronx Tale which is one of my favorite movies. Thanks again!

I would love to hear more about your idea of the in the dark scene by the way

 

[Unknown Screenwriter]

My pleasure and GOOD LUCK! Let's see the next version when you're done!

 

[Drowynaut55]

My pleasure and GOOD LUCK! Let's see the next version when you're done!

Thanks alot!

 

[Unknown Screenwriter]

I would love to hear more about your idea of the in the dark scene by the way

Okay... Basically, after I watched your film, all I could think of was the old visualization experiment the Australian psychologist performed with students practicing free throws. What IF we see your character trying and trying to make a shot but just can't. He's good at dribbling. He's good at everything but actually making a basket.

At some point... He's introduced to the visualization experiment I linked to above... I'm sure you can find even MORE information about this. It's WORLD FAMOUS.

After reading about it? He decides to VISUALIZE along with regular practice. Maybe he even says, "SWISH" every time he makes a visualization basket.

We would of course, have to see him perform ENOUGH visualization practice/techniques to really get the idea that he's using visualization as much as he's actually practicing. Visualization also DEVELOPS CONFIDENCE so at one point while he's performing visualization in his bedroom, he decides to go outside and try a shot in the dark. All we hear is the SWISH.

When he finally decides to try the same shot during the day? We don't even need to see him make the shot... All we need to do is HEAR the SWISH.

In other words? By now? He KNOWS he's going to make the shot because of all the practice both physical and visualized.

I still don't want to get too detailed... This is YOUR film. These are just some random thoughts.

 

[Unknown Screenwriter]

Funny you say that as it was one of the things that didn't really come off as believable in this movie (maybe I overestimated his ability). I don't know if you meant it as a parody or not, but there's no way someone's going to take days on end of practicing to make one simple shot from right in front of the basket.

The film would have been more engaging and made more sense if he was trying to make some incredible shot, like something you see on youtube, where they throw it from 50 yards and bounce it off a roof then onto something else and into the net. It becomes believable then, seeing him try day after day to make it and getting disheartened. You can empathise with the desire and commitment of the protaganist.

You could even fake the final shot with some clever editing, just break up the different aspects of the trick shot. Take a look at that final putt scene in Happy Gimore as an example of what I mean.

Whatever you decide, let's see it go in the net!

Funny you say this...

Why? Because when I was in 7th grade -- for awhile during P.E., we had to play basketball. I was living in Louisiana at the time and going to a nearly all black junior high school. Why is this relevant? Basketball was NOT my game... But it certainly was most of the boys game in my Physical Education class.

In fact? I was a baseball player and a very good one but when I got on that basketball court? I was a complete idiot. These other 7th and 8th graders played CIRCLES around me.

It was frustrating to say the least so I went out on my own and bought my own basketball... The shot I missed most often in class was in fact, the LAY UP. I'd almost always be somewhere around our basket when someone would throw me the ball... I could catch it. I could dribble it. But when I tried to underhand lay up?

I always missed.

So I got my own basketball and began practicing at a local grammar school a few blocks from where we lived. After school, that's ALL I DID. Practice the underhand lay up for HOURS and HOURS and I did that for weeks until we were no longer playing basketball in gym class.

I won't tell you that because I did that, everyone else would do it but A LOT OF KIDS WOULD for no other reason than to NOT look like an idiot when playing the game.