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Question about writing quality.

H

harmonica44

I am about to shoot my first real short film soon. My friends read the script and made corrections, and gave thoughts. A few things have been rewritten and a lot stayed the same. However just right after I sent the script out to the actors and crew that answered my casting call, a screenwriter came along and said he wanted to check it out. This is a real screenwriter who has worked on feature movies before.

He told me that my whole script needs to be re-tooled and I don't have a good structure down. Now it's a little late for changes since I already sent it out for everyone to read over their lines and audition. For my first real short I hope to make an impression with people with, how bad is it when a screenwriter says that? He was taught by real screenwriters who have sold movies, so would they all have similar opinions, or could they just as very well differ on structure?
 
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harmonica44 said:
Okay true thanks. I'll switch it to the bedroom. I picked basement cause of location and I have access to a basement for shooting. But I can make the basement look like a bedroom.
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May I just challenge everything everyone has said here. Amazingly, I think the total opposite. I like your first concept, would've gone with the first script but made the dialogue more captivating. For the basement, I might've gone with a shot of him being dragged down the stairs, his head bumping on each step but maybe not.

I'm a noob with virtually zero experience and my first short is totally opposite - an abstract exploration of ambition, crushed dreams and... 'x' It is so short on story and dialogue it makes yours look like War and Peace but is longer than yours in terms of total screen time.

Sure, I'm not entirely sure my short will be watchable or even comprehensible because it is so abstract but I have a vision in my head of how this will look and want to keep it that way because it is my own, personal voice. Everyone else can shape their own shorts - I want mine to represent my vision of a concept as art. So why don't you just ignore everyone else and go with your own vision? If you want it to look like everyone elses shorts, go ask everyone else for an opinion. If you want to feel the originality, why don't you go with your own ideas?

You have a hard core, sick, weird, f@cked up story so why not go with your own f@cked up way of shooting it? (That's a compliment by the way). Maybe, just maybe, your freaky story will have the audience on the edge of their seats with your own vision. It could be a masterpiece but not with 25 other people chipping in watering it down. Go for it hardcore. Ignore everyone else just do it your way.

* Caveat * If my short is completely sh!t, I reserve the right to scuttle away and hide in a corner...
 
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gorillaonabike said:
May I just challenge everything everyone has said here. Amazingly, I think the total opposite. I like your first concept, would've gone with the first script but made the dialogue more captivating. For the basement, I might've gone with a shot of him being dragged down the stairs, his head bumping on each step but maybe not.

I'm a noob with virtually zero experience and my first short is totally opposite - an abstract exploration of ambition, crushed dreams and... 'x' It is so short on story and dialogue it makes yours look like War and Peace but is longer than yours in terms of total screen time.

Sure, I'm not entirely sure my short will be watchable or even comprehensible because it is so abstract but I have a vision in my head of how this will look and want to keep it that way because it is my own, personal voice. Everyone else can shape their own shorts - I want mine to represent my vision of a concept as art. So why don't you just ignore everyone else and go with your own vision? If you want it to look like everyone elses shorts, go ask everyone else for an opinion. If you want to feel the originality, why don't you go with your own ideas?

You have a hard core, sick, weird, f@cked up story so why not go with your own f@cked up way of shooting it? (That's a compliment by the way). Maybe, just maybe, your freaky story will have the audience on the edge of their seats with your own vision. It could be a masterpiece but not with 25 other people chipping in watering it down. Go for it hardcore. Ignore everyone else just do it your way.

* Caveat * If my short is completely sh!t, I reserve the right to scuttle away and hide in a corner...
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Thanks. Which first script?
 
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harmonica44 said:
Thanks. Which first script?
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Erm, the screenplay about a dude who got raped. Remember - you wrote you were about to shoot your first short, put it onto imdb - the one you are going to shoot? Unless you're just the world's most overactive troll and you're just bullsh!tting. Which you could be because this is the 'net.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's weird as hell but that weirdness could make it entertaining - I like it - and if you wrote it, you should go for it. It's your vision, your idea and it could be great. So go for it.

Hell, I'm about to shoot my first short and it's my idea, vision (albeit a very simple, very basic, over pompous, pretentious idea vision). My story is childishly simple - probably too simple and I go on for too long. But it's my artistic idea so I'm going to go for it. And probably as it's my first, it'll be terrible but hey, we all live and learn.
 
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gorillaonabike said:
Erm, the screenplay about a dude who got raped. Remember - you wrote you were about to shoot your first short, put it onto imdb - the one you are going to shoot? Unless you're just the world's most overactive troll and you're just bullsh!tting. Which you could be because this is the 'net.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's weird as hell but that weirdness could make it entertaining - I like it - and if you wrote it, you should go for it. It's your vision, your idea and it could be great. So go for it.

Hell, I'm about to shoot my first short and it's my idea, vision (albeit a very simple, very basic, over pompous, pretentious idea vision). My story is childishly simple - probably too simple and I go on for too long. But it's my artistic idea so I'm going to go for it. And probably as it's my first, it'll be terrible but hey, we all live and learn.
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confused.

:huh:

I think he meant your first script?????
 
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gorillaonabike said:
Erm, the screenplay about a dude who got raped. Remember - you wrote you were about to shoot your first short, put it onto imdb - the one you are going to shoot? Unless you're just the world's most overactive troll and you're just bullsh!tting. Which you could be because this is the 'net.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's weird as hell but that weirdness could make it entertaining - I like it - and if you wrote it, you should go for it. It's your vision, your idea and it could be great. So go for it.

Hell, I'm about to shoot my first short and it's my idea, vision (albeit a very simple, very basic, over pompous, pretentious idea vision). My story is childishly simple - probably too simple and I go on for too long. But it's my artistic idea so I'm going to go for it. And probably as it's my first, it'll be terrible but hey, we all live and learn.
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Oh of course right, I got confused, but I don't remember why since I was tired last night, and replied just before bed. I couldn't go with the first script cause it was feature length and I'm not ready for a feature yet. I will make the feature of this short later on.
 
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harmonica44 said:
Oh of course right, I got confused, but I don't remember why since I was tired last night, and replied just before bed. I couldn't go with the first script cause it was feature length and I'm not ready for a feature yet. I will make the feature of this short later on.
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I think he meant the first link you posted here, with the original script for this thread. I could be wrong, though.
 
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I believe that he was saying that you should tell the rest of us to piss off and go with the screenplay (the one that you posted the link to in the first post of this thread) the way you first wrote it.
 
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