I'm currently working on a screenplay for a five-or-so minute short film to be released this fall or next January. The concept is that on the surface it appears to be a somewhat poorly-done amateur documentary of a high-school couple suddenly falling apart and breaking up, but in actuality it's a pretty lame commentary on reality television: there are subtle hints dropped throughout in the dialogue (which is pretty much all there is) that the documentarian is manipulating events behind the scenes to orchestrate the breakup for entertainment value. I was wondering how subtle you guys think I should be. I don't want it to be glaringly obvious to everyone who watches what the point is, but I don't want it to be entirely impossible to detect either. As it stands, these are the hints:
In the opening scene, the girlfriend is asking the documentarian to explain what he's doing and why. He explains the reasoning as such: "I dunno, young love or something. Or maybe I'll end up documenting your ultimate downfall as a couple. [Sarcastically cheerful] Now *that* would be entertainment!"
The boyfriend never shows up to their one-year anniversary dinner date. He explains to his girlfriend that his tires were slashed and his phone stolen from the car-a tall tale, but true: it was the documentarian. This, of course, is never explicitly stated.
The anniversary date is rescheduled, but on the day of the rescheduled date, the girlfriend discovers an envelope in her locker. There are pictures, evidently taken with her boyfriend's phone, of him with his ex-girlfriend. They are timestamped (in a somewhat obvious Photoshop job) with the date of their originally planned date. This may appear to many as poor production value on a mockumentary, but that's the idea-the documentarian character was lazy in faking evidence.
Finally, the girlfriend reads her breakup note to the camera (those are called confessionals, right?), but stops in the middle, on the verge of tears, asking if she really has to do this. After a pause, the documentarian says, "No. I... I'm sorry for putting you through this." The girl promptly responds that it's not his fault.
So what do you guys think? Now that I've gathered all of my thoughts in one place, there definitely are not as many hints as I had thought.
In the opening scene, the girlfriend is asking the documentarian to explain what he's doing and why. He explains the reasoning as such: "I dunno, young love or something. Or maybe I'll end up documenting your ultimate downfall as a couple. [Sarcastically cheerful] Now *that* would be entertainment!"
The boyfriend never shows up to their one-year anniversary dinner date. He explains to his girlfriend that his tires were slashed and his phone stolen from the car-a tall tale, but true: it was the documentarian. This, of course, is never explicitly stated.
The anniversary date is rescheduled, but on the day of the rescheduled date, the girlfriend discovers an envelope in her locker. There are pictures, evidently taken with her boyfriend's phone, of him with his ex-girlfriend. They are timestamped (in a somewhat obvious Photoshop job) with the date of their originally planned date. This may appear to many as poor production value on a mockumentary, but that's the idea-the documentarian character was lazy in faking evidence.
Finally, the girlfriend reads her breakup note to the camera (those are called confessionals, right?), but stops in the middle, on the verge of tears, asking if she really has to do this. After a pause, the documentarian says, "No. I... I'm sorry for putting you through this." The girl promptly responds that it's not his fault.
So what do you guys think? Now that I've gathered all of my thoughts in one place, there definitely are not as many hints as I had thought.