plot Not "then", yes "but" and "therefore"

[AmateurD]

Hello guys,

Now that i'm in the process of writing a spec TV Pilot, I remembered to read somewhere that, when you're telling the story to someone, you shouldn't say "then this stuff happens, then that stuff happens", but yes "but this happens, therefore that happens".

That it's a bad sign when you constantly need to use the word "then" to explain the plot.

Do you agree? I hope I'm saying this correctly.

Thanks.

 

[mlesemann]

It seems like you're describing a treatment or synopsis, not the actual pilot - is that right?

I don't think I'd use any of those - just state what the characters do and what happens.

 

[AmateurD]

Sorry, I've read my post and it wasn't very clear, my fault.

I was referring to screenwriting in general (whether is a pilot or feature).

I think it was one of The Simpson's writers . One of the tips he gave when it comes to screenwriting is that the plot is poorly built if, when you're pitching it to someone, you need to say the word "then" to connect the scenes, instead of using the words "but" and "therefore".

For example:

Not "Character Y is in his room, then he goes out to have a nice dinner, then he goes for a walk, then he goes to a bar, then he goes back home", but instead something like "Character Y is in his room, but he receives a strange phone call, therefore he needs to go out. But he can't go out through the main door, therefore he needs to find another exit" And so on.

 

[indietalk]

All those buts and therefores are just as annoying. Just describe what happens.

 

[Unknown Screenwriter]

Sorry, I've read my post and it wasn't very clear, my fault.

I was referring to screenwriting in general (whether is a pilot or feature).

I think it was one of The Simpson's writers . One of the tips he gave when it comes to screenwriting is that the plot is poorly built if, when you're pitching it to someone, you need to say the word "then" to connect the scenes, instead of using the words "but" and "therefore".

For example:

Not "Character Y is in his room, then he goes out to have a nice dinner, then he goes for a walk, then he goes to a bar, then he goes back home", but instead something like "Character Y is in his room, but he receives a strange phone call, therefore he needs to go out. But he can't go out through the main door, therefore he needs to find another exit" And so on.

Well, I've pitched just about everyone in Hollywood at one time or another and I never stood there and said, "...then this happens and then that happens..." I never use it in a screenplay either. Sure, there's an occasional "then" but not that often.