archived-videos My first short - feedback appreciated! :)

EndStateProductions

EndStateProductions

Ok so here is my long overdue first short. I already know some improvements I need to make, and I would just like to generally know what you guys think. Yes it's far from good, but it's my first one, I wasn't expecting Hollywood standard :P so yeah if anyone could watch it and let me know what you think, I'm making note of every piece of feedback I get to ensure that I improve with every film I make.

Thank you all for your time, and hopefully you can help a fellow indie filmmaker improve :)

http://youtu.be/tuHy8ZmLPk0

Thanks again,
Jack
 
Upvote 0
First off, I'm fairly certain you don't have the rights to any of the footage in the first 30 seconds. If you do have the rights, I will watch the rest of the film.

If you don't have the rights to use it then isn't this akin to cheating? It's one thing to swipe other people's material to use for practicing your editing techniques, but it's another thing to post it in a public forum as "your" short.
 
I probably should have made the narrative clearer. The film is about a group of teenagers, who are going about a 'normal' day, set 172/3 days after society collapses. The premise if its location etc is to make it as realistic as possible, so it is as if that happened tomorrow, their circumstances could be how you would find yourself.

Hope I've cleared it up :)
 
EndStateProductions said:
I probably should have made the narrative clearer. The film is about a group of teenagers, who are going about a 'normal' day, set 172/3 days after society collapses. The premise if its location etc is to make it as realistic as possible, so it is as if that happened tomorrow, their circumstances could be how you would find yourself.

Hope I've cleared it up :)
Click to expand...

A film needs to stand on it's own -- you won't be there to explain it to audiences before or after.

Making the film you have in mind is possible, you'll just have to find ways to convey that on film (without using other people's material). No first film is perfect. Good luck.
 
I only explained it because some people may not have clicked the link because they didn't know what it was about.

And again, the clips at the beginning are to build a picture and are more of an experiment. I wanted to see how well I could build an introductory narration. Most of the film is experimental, but what first film isn't?.

And thank you.
 
Heh, day 173 after the oil's run out... and there's a lot of looooooong aeroplane flyovers. :lol:

Dang... and the walking scenes continue! This has got more walking than The Lord of the Rings! :yes:

After dramatic fight scene & fleeing:

Girl: Is everyone okay?

Dude: Yes... but we lost Jamal & Kenny. :abduct:

Heh. At least you got your film made, right? You probably learned more about what to fix on this by doing it, than what I could add. What do you reckon the top 3 fixes would be, if you could redo it from scratch?

'Grats on finishing your first film! :cheers:

.
 
Firstly, thanks!

To be honest, I was more worried about completing it and getting the experience, and I doubt I'm alone in that respect :)

Three fixes would most definitely be A) more time spent fixing audio. I used two cameras, one of which broke during filming. Part of it that broke was its audio recording, which meant I spent a lot of time (mainly the end, as you can probably tell by the amount of music) covering it up. This meant I neglected the aeroplane sounds etc., B) better camera work. I don't think it was awful but personally I don't like shaky camera work, so to watch my own film was hard at some points :L and C) get better actors. I mean these are all school friends, only two of which can actually act to some ability, so that would be a priority for a remake.

There are many other fixes as well, but I expected there to be a lot of possible improvements for my next one. Just happy I'm off the ground with it all now :)

Oh and the amount of walking was scripted to show the boredom and dullness of an ordinary day for these guys, but I don't think it came across too well. Maybe that's another fix - stronger ways of getting the narrative across. :)
 
Not sure if it's people from this forum or not but if you're disliking my film could you at least tell me why, how am I supposed to improve if I don't get everyone's feedback, especially those that dislike it?
 
EndStateProductions said:
Not sure if it's people from this forum or not but if you're disliking my film could you at least tell me why, how am I supposed to improve if I don't get everyone's feedback, especially those that dislike it?
Click to expand...

Your film got more responses than many (most?) people asking us to look at their film. Many fade off the radar with no comments at all.

It's a flaw with the forum -- There's pressure to follow the 'if you can't say anything nice . . .' line of thinking otherwise one runs the risk of being blasted by some, including a PhD student, for being "too negative". Hence the vast majority of people say nothing at all. How does this help? It doesn't.

IMO the film business isn't a place to be tactful -- the business is brutal. If one has what it takes, they'll survive criticism of their film.

Good luck though.
 
Thanks and I understand that but my point was if you're disliking my film could I at least have a reason why? How can one improve without feedback?

I have no problem with negative feedback, I've had plenty through personal channels. I just want to know what people think of it.

(Also, and sorry if this seems like a bad plug, it's not meant as one but I'm filming the sequel to this one at the end of may with a mid June release, hopefully :) ).
 
Okay, I'll help you out. I watched again, this time to 2:15.

1) the dark scenes need a lot more contrast. As is, it looks like poor '60 video. Crush your blacks.

2) Tripod, tripod, tripod. The jerky handheld DOES NOT WORK here -- especially wide shots of people in the distance. Unless someone has a silky smooth touch or a steady cam device, put it on a tripod.

3) Did we really need to show the audience everybody walking all the way down the hill? It's torture to watch. 2 seconds (or even less) of that would be enough to convey that kind of establishing shot. Tight (short) editing is a MUST!

4) What's with all the back of heads in most of the shots?

---------

On the plus side you're still here having survived blunt criticism, so you may still yet make it as a filmmaker, but you've a ways to go.

Good luck.
 
Last edited:
Either use a tripod or build a DIY shoulder rig or Fig Rig.

There was a lot of jello in those moving shots, surprisingly.
Large sensor cameras frequently have this problem.
Google "overcoming camera jello effect."

Quit with the fade in/out cuts.

It's a glorious @ss she has, butt I wouldn't be quiiiiite so fixated on filming it.

GL with the next few shorts.
Keep 'em short.

Study films in the same genre and rip-off shot compositions that big budget films have used.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top