I wrote this script last night knowing next to nothing about writing scripts (including formatting) and I plan on shooting within the next few weeks. I feel I have greater 'talent' in the visual side of film making, but I know how important scripting is, hence this thread.
The plot isn't very exciting so if anything is going to make this a decent film, it will be the filming. I will shoot it in black and white with a hint of film noir. I would be very grateful to hear your opinions, tips on my incorrect formatting etc. as I know we have some talented writers here at Indietalk
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"A NEW BEGINNING"
(DRAFT ONE)
FADE IN
EXT. BIG BUILDING - NIGHT
Establishing shot of main character’s office. It is a dark, rainy night. The distant sound of traffic and sirens can be heard.
INT. DUFF’S OFFICE
DUFF is a lonely, usually introverted man who has been working for an unknown ‘businessman’ for a number of years. On his desk sits a knife, newspapers with ‘GANGLAND KILLING’ and ‘REVENGE OF THE UNDERWORLD’, photos of suspicious men in suits looking around and exchanging items before departing (among other things). Duff is asleep on his desk. His eyes slowly open.
V.O. DUFF
I woke up with my head in my hands. It had been a long day and the last thing I remembered was talking to my boss about a special job he had planned for me.
Duff’s eyes widen as he looks at his gold fob watch.
DUFF
Shit!
He quickly gets out of his chair, picks up his overcoat and a neatly wrapped present (discretely) complete with bow, and slams the office door behind him.
EXT. OUTSIDE DUFF’S OFFICE
He jumps in his car and the roller door of the office car park rolls up as the car drives away. The car drives under bridges, across highways, etc. Duff is obviously in a hurry to get to a mysterious destination.
INT. DIRTY TOILETS
We watch the feet of a woman in a long dress from under the door of a toilet. She is wearing stilettos and her feet shuffle from time to time, clicking against the tiles. We hear toilet paper being pulled from a roll and the toilet flushes. We pan back to see the door open and the woman walks past on the right. We never see past her waist. The toilets churn and gargle, they are in shocking condition.
INT. DUFF’S CAR
Duff is anxiously doing up his tie and adjusting his hair whilst he is driving at high speeds passing many angry drivers who are beeping their horns. He suddenly slams on the breaks and reverses. He pulls into a drive-in bottle shop.
DUFF
A bottle of your finest champagne.
INT. A cigarette is carefully taken from a cigarette box and placed between woman’s lips. A zippo lighter is held to the cigarette, flicks open and ignites cigarette first time with a puff of smoke.
EXT. ALLEYWAY
Duff’s car is at the far end of the dark, misty alleyway, driving towards us. The car stops in the middle of the alleyway and Duff jumps out. He runs to a fire exit door on the side of the alleyway.
INT. UNDERGROUND BAR
Duff runs down large sets of stairs. He finally gets to the bottom and opens a door in front of him.
Duff looks straight ahead at the woman sitting on a table, all alone. For the first time we see her face, side on. She is holding a cigarette in her hand and is gazing into oblivion. He can tell she is alone and in need of company. Duff turns back around to face the door. He has cold feet.
He breathes in deeply through his nose and turns back around to the direction of the woman. He walks towards her with determination. He is ready for the world.
DUFF
Happy birthday, birthday girl
He puts the present on the table with a smirk.
CREDITS ROLL
THE END
The plot isn't very exciting so if anything is going to make this a decent film, it will be the filming. I will shoot it in black and white with a hint of film noir. I would be very grateful to hear your opinions, tips on my incorrect formatting etc. as I know we have some talented writers here at Indietalk
."A NEW BEGINNING"
(DRAFT ONE)
FADE IN
EXT. BIG BUILDING - NIGHT
Establishing shot of main character’s office. It is a dark, rainy night. The distant sound of traffic and sirens can be heard.
INT. DUFF’S OFFICE
DUFF is a lonely, usually introverted man who has been working for an unknown ‘businessman’ for a number of years. On his desk sits a knife, newspapers with ‘GANGLAND KILLING’ and ‘REVENGE OF THE UNDERWORLD’, photos of suspicious men in suits looking around and exchanging items before departing (among other things). Duff is asleep on his desk. His eyes slowly open.
V.O. DUFF
I woke up with my head in my hands. It had been a long day and the last thing I remembered was talking to my boss about a special job he had planned for me.
Duff’s eyes widen as he looks at his gold fob watch.
DUFF
Shit!
He quickly gets out of his chair, picks up his overcoat and a neatly wrapped present (discretely) complete with bow, and slams the office door behind him.
EXT. OUTSIDE DUFF’S OFFICE
He jumps in his car and the roller door of the office car park rolls up as the car drives away. The car drives under bridges, across highways, etc. Duff is obviously in a hurry to get to a mysterious destination.
INT. DIRTY TOILETS
We watch the feet of a woman in a long dress from under the door of a toilet. She is wearing stilettos and her feet shuffle from time to time, clicking against the tiles. We hear toilet paper being pulled from a roll and the toilet flushes. We pan back to see the door open and the woman walks past on the right. We never see past her waist. The toilets churn and gargle, they are in shocking condition.
INT. DUFF’S CAR
Duff is anxiously doing up his tie and adjusting his hair whilst he is driving at high speeds passing many angry drivers who are beeping their horns. He suddenly slams on the breaks and reverses. He pulls into a drive-in bottle shop.
DUFF
A bottle of your finest champagne.
INT. A cigarette is carefully taken from a cigarette box and placed between woman’s lips. A zippo lighter is held to the cigarette, flicks open and ignites cigarette first time with a puff of smoke.
EXT. ALLEYWAY
Duff’s car is at the far end of the dark, misty alleyway, driving towards us. The car stops in the middle of the alleyway and Duff jumps out. He runs to a fire exit door on the side of the alleyway.
INT. UNDERGROUND BAR
Duff runs down large sets of stairs. He finally gets to the bottom and opens a door in front of him.
Duff looks straight ahead at the woman sitting on a table, all alone. For the first time we see her face, side on. She is holding a cigarette in her hand and is gazing into oblivion. He can tell she is alone and in need of company. Duff turns back around to face the door. He has cold feet.
He breathes in deeply through his nose and turns back around to the direction of the woman. He walks towards her with determination. He is ready for the world.
DUFF
Happy birthday, birthday girl
He puts the present on the table with a smirk.
CREDITS ROLL
THE END
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