My first film what do you think?

B

bigBiscuit728

So here is my new short film I made. I'm still new at doing this, and this is only the second time that I attempted at making an actual short film. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Anything that was good, or I could improve on (besides acting of course, cause I didn't use any professional actors) One thing I know I need to work on is setting up a clear plot, because this was kinda all over. I started this project about 4 months ago, and kept re-writing the script over and over because I was so indecisive lol. Anyway, here it is.

"Vampires v. Witches"



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_n4nEbua14&list=UUxrknKKiGkT4y_iWFDTgDkg&index=2&feature=plcp








****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
This was from last summer...




Hey it's Dave here, so I am very interested in filmmaking and I have just finished my first movie. So if you can tell me your opinions and where I can approve on I will greatly appreciate it.

*As a side note, I know acting is an essential point in establishing a film, but I'm not a professional actor (I'm only 15 lol) So I know the acting sucks.

Morgan, a young girl, finds that she may be the next victim to be at the hands of death from an unknown source cursing her family. It is her struggle, or stubbornness for that matter to act quickly and try to stop it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71uukafNqjI


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71uukafNqjI
 
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Haha.:) Its weird which videos get watched and which don't. Believe me, its nothing personal. I think I'm the onlt weirdo here that tries to watch everything posted. Except maybe the Mods. :) Gimme a little bit and I'll watch it.
 
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Great effort.

It starts off too slow. Then it take a long time to get to the
story. It’s difficult for me to tell if your jump cuting and poor
focus is a style or a mistake.

What you can improve on is the usual. Audio and lighting. You
clearly did very little on either of these aspects. That's pretty
typical of first movies. Tighter editing would help, too. If an actor
smiles or looks at the camera either do another take or cut it out.
That just screams "first time".

Make another five as quick as you can. You'll get better with each
one.
 
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directorik said:
Great effort.

It starts off too slow. Then it take a long time to get to the
story. It’s difficult for me to tell if your jump cuting and poor
focus is a style or a mistake.

What you can improve on is the usual. Audio and lighting. You
clearly did very little on either of these aspects. That's pretty
typical of first movies. Tighter editing would help, too. If an actor
smiles or looks at the camera either do another take or cut it out.
That just screams "first time".

Make another five as quick as you can. You'll get better with each
one.
Click to expand...

Lol, yeah the jump cutting was a mistake...I need to work on it. And definitely the lighting and audio. As for the story line, I think I may of a little over thought it, and should simplify it in the future. Thanks for watching though. Oh, and how do you think I could improve on the whole slow start thing?
 
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First, don't start a short film slow.

Get right into it. Go right into your story. You are not (or
shouldn't be) showing off your photography, you are telling
a story. In the first 60 seconds nothing happens - we do
not understand what's happening. Then you have a beautiful
shot of a butterfly. The problem is, it has no relation to the
story - it's just a pretty shot. Your movie starts 75 seconds
in. That's like having nothing happen in a feature film for 15
minutes - just pretty shots and confusing images.

Boring.

You're right. Simplify.

Wanna see the movie I made when I was 16?

http://youtu.be/LjLQy3CXFAk
 
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Pick one thing you're good at and do it. Then hire others that know what they are doing. You're 15... start a little production company with all your friends. Get one of them interested in audio, lighting, camera... Then seriously try and make films. You will be running circles around people your age in film school.
 
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directorik said:
First, don't start a short film slow.

Get right into it. Go right into your story. You are not (or
shouldn't be) showing off your photography, you are telling
a story. In the first 60 seconds nothing happens - we do
not understand what's happening. Then you have a beautiful
shot of a butterfly. The problem is, it has no relation to the
story - it's just a pretty shot. Your movie starts 75 seconds
in. That's like having nothing happen in a feature film for 15
minutes - just pretty shots and confusing images.

Boring.

You're right. Simplify.

Wanna see the movie I made when I was 16?

http://youtu.be/LjLQy3CXFAk
Click to expand...

Yeah you're right thanks for the advice. With the shot of the butterfly, I was just trying to establish scenery and all lol, but I see what you're saying. Btw, nice job with that movie, you did that when you were 16!?!? I think what will benefit me for my next movie is to really try to simplify the story line and make it short and focused, so I can focus on all other aspects as well. (Which is hard, because I love working with visual effects haha)
 
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directorik said:
First, don't start a short film slow.

Get right into it. Go right into your story. You are not (or
shouldn't be) showing off your photography, you are telling
a story. In the first 60 seconds nothing happens - we do
not understand what's happening. Then you have a beautiful
shot of a butterfly. The problem is, it has no relation to the
story - it's just a pretty shot. Your movie starts 75 seconds
in. That's like having nothing happen in a feature film for 15
minutes - just pretty shots and confusing images.

Boring.

You're right. Simplify.

Wanna see the movie I made when I was 16?

http://youtu.be/LjLQy3CXFAk
Click to expand...

Damn, that was good.
 
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movieboy711 said:
I think what will benefit me for my next movie is to really try to simplify the story line and make it short and focused, so I can focus on all other aspects as well. (Which is hard, because I love working with visual effects haha)
Click to expand...
Then tell a story that needs visual effects. You can still keep it
simple and work with your strengths.

The little secret about "I Dare Ya" is that my mom was a children's
theater director. She knew some talented kids. I had made 10 to
15 films before this one - most of them not to different than the
one you made. My friend weren't actors, I can't act (and I was always
in my films) so the films weren't very good. When I got serious I
found a girl at the local college to shoot it and a guy at the same
college to do the audio. We used a wheelchair as a dolly and lights
from my school.

My mom told me to work within my talents and my capabilities. Until
this movie were were shooting mostly horror and "cop" stories. Lots
of blood and teens acting like undercover cops. It was silly even though
I didn't know it at the time. So I wrote a story with kids in it. My friend
spent many hours building that "scary" hand. I shot a ton of footage
of it. It was really hard to only use it is that one, two second shot. But
I know it worked better that way.

What I DID learn from making all those films was how to light, how
to record sound and how to motivate people to help me. So what you
are seeing is not technically my first film. I call it my first because it's
the first one I showed to anyone. It was actually my 15th or 16th.
 
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Hey Rik, that was a pretty good movie.

I thought I was watching mockingbird there for a second. nice

good effort movieboy. I'm not a horror film kinda guy so no advice from me, other than, be your own strongest critic. Good luck.
 
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not bad for a first shot. You had some decent dialog and the actors/acting were not really that bad considering. Yes its need to be way tighter..think of a short film like a preview. No more than 5 min long to tell your story. Remember Begining, Middle and End..but it must progress! there are glimpses of talent there..tho it may be rough so keep at it.
also write, write, then rewrite 2 more times! lol it will help.
also reherse several times ..including with the equipment...that helps too.

Invest in a tripod..even if its a cheepie $15 one. and if you want to follow people around or want movement try this
http://youtu.be/s6Q072tuF7M

same style SC but put together al little different..this one says under $15

http://youtu.be/QhMYBjdHPeU


its diy but for now you dont need an expensive rig..we need to learn the ropes more. To buy expensive equipment right now is not needed....
here is my student film...
its meh...i guess..but considering what happened in preproduction lol i was lucky to get it shot..
http://youtu.be/e_sxihUNxAA
 
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directorik said:
Then tell a story that needs visual effects. You can still keep it
simple and work with your strengths.

The little secret about "I Dare Ya" is that my mom was a children's
theater director. She knew some talented kids. I had made 10 to
15 films before this one - most of them not to different than the
one you made. My friend weren't actors, I can't act (and I was always
in my films) so the films weren't very good. When I got serious I
found a girl at the local college to shoot it and a guy at the same
college to do the audio. We used a wheelchair as a dolly and lights
from my school.

My mom told me to work within my talents and my capabilities. Until
this movie were were shooting mostly horror and "cop" stories. Lots
of blood and teens acting like undercover cops. It was silly even though
I didn't know it at the time. So I wrote a story with kids in it. My friend
spent many hours building that "scary" hand. I shot a ton of footage
of it. It was really hard to only use it is that one, two second shot. But
I know it worked better that way.

What I DID learn from making all those films was how to light, how
to record sound and how to motivate people to help me. So what you
are seeing is not technically my first film. I call it my first because it's
the first one I showed to anyone. It was actually my 15th or 16th.
Click to expand...

Yes, that's very true to work within your capabilities. (Ha, I do the same thing in my films, put myself in them even though I can't act, lol, and 3 years of acting courses didn't help)

So my question is what's an ideal way with coming up with a script and sticking with it. With my movie I literally had 5 different printed revisions. My original idea started as a simple plot, but I kept adding to it to make it longer and more in depth. SO next time...I should probably think the about the main points. What the character wants and how are they going to get it. What's their obstacle and how they're going to overcome. While keeping mind that it is a short film, so I can't take forever to establish everything with 20 different shots lol.
 
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Psychosis Media said:
not bad for a first shot. You had some decent dialog and the actors/acting were not really that bad considering. Yes its need to be way tighter..think of a short film like a preview. No more than 5 min long to tell your story. Remember Begining, Middle and End..but it must progress! there are glimpses of talent there..tho it may be rough so keep at it.
also write, write, then rewrite 2 more times! lol it will help.
also reherse several times ..including with the equipment...that helps too.

Invest in a tripod..even if its a cheepie $15 one. and if you want to follow people around or want movement try this
http://youtu.be/s6Q072tuF7M

same style SC but put together al little different..this one says under $15

http://youtu.be/QhMYBjdHPeU


its diy but for now you dont need an expensive rig..we need to learn the ropes more. To buy expensive equipment right now is not needed....
here is my student film...
its meh...i guess..but considering what happened in preproduction lol i was lucky to get it shot..
http://youtu.be/e_sxihUNxAA
Click to expand...


Thanks, and yeah I will definitely be investing in one of these soon. And you're right..I definitely need to improve of making the film "short"
 
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trueindie said:
Hey Rik, that was a pretty good movie.

I thought I was watching mockingbird there for a second. nice

good effort movieboy. I'm not a horror film kinda guy so no advice from me, other than, be your own strongest critic. Good luck.
Click to expand...

Thanks. One thing I am noticing is that I'm never completed satisfied with my work, so definitely leaves it open to improvement lol.
 
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