My First Draft Of A Logline For My New Script

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

This logline still needs work. It's too long, but here we go:

I, Creator 2: Goddess of the Hunt​

Logline:​

In order to save the Amazon soldiers of two enemy nations on a far off planet from a common enemy, Black Ops Special Forces Cyborg leaders Angela Bruno and Gail Storm force a truce between them with the blessings of their goddess, Artemis, which will set the wheels into motion for a war between humans and cyborgs.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

the goddess\cyborg mix IS interesting and a good hook from my view.

consider the old sci-fi premise, "A sufficiently advanced technology will appear godlike to the less advanced society."


consider a novel "Ilium -Dan Simmons" as a great read for the type of thing OP is going for...

I agree.

The Chariots Of The Gods angle and ancient astronauts is also interesting.

You know in the 1930s movie FRANKENSTEIN, the filmmakers had to edit out Victor Frankenstein proclaiming "Now I know what it is like to be God." when his monster came to life.

In the first I, Creator, Angela warned humans about making Frankenstein a reality by making beings more powerful than themselves.

The re-image of Artemis in a high tech society, where most humans will refuse to believe she is a goddess and she marvels at the cyborgs being made better than human makers is a different twist.

I'm looking to have a disenchanted Amazon ask her if she really is Artemis, why were humans made with so many limits to their senses. She will show that Amazon that humans have yet to tap into the full potential of the senses that they have.

That will be like a tribute to Steve Reeves as Hercules where Hercules talked a young Ulysses through how to hit a perfect bulls-eye with a bow and arrow at an unbelievable distance that wowed everyone.

Artemis is credited with guiding and helping the great hunter Orion in Greek Mythology.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

It's totally getting there! I bolded all the 'to' sounds because when I read it out loud, it felt like sentence out of dr sues (no offense intended ). I think you could cut the force a truce part. You don't need to say how things happen in the logline, that's what the movie's for If you take that out, it leaves it pretty vague, so you could add back in one of your discriptors like cyborg or amazon.




It worked in Deep Space Nine.






PS: I just had a silly idea. If you want to go the B movie angle:

Enemies, Amazons and Gods unite to fight a new enemy!

As much as the production will end up B-Movie with low budget production values, I'd like to at least try to put it in a more mainstream position.

The plot should angle the production into an action adventure science fiction production.

But, I do like your logline. However, it moves away from Directorik's suggestion to take out the science fiction elements and make it more human.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

Although I find the "goddess" aspect a bit offputting. I shy away from religious stories. Can that character be replaced by an alien?

It's totally getting there! I bolded all the 'to' sounds because when I read it out loud, it felt like sentence out of dr sues (no offense intended ). I think you could cut the force a truce part. You don't need to say how things happen in the logline, that's what the movie's for If you take that out, it leaves it pretty vague, so you could add back in one of your discriptors like cyborg or amazon.




It worked in Deep Space Nine.






PS: I just had a silly idea. If you want to go the B movie angle:

Enemies, Amazons and Gods unite to fight a new enemy!

Does anyone remember the original Star Trek episode when the Enterprise found Apollo on a far off planet and Apollo expected the crew to worship him like in the old days of Greek Mythology?

 

[maralyn]

Anyway, it's your story, you're the only person who knows how it needs to be written.

We're only seeing snippets, so, we don't know anything.

Just seems like a lot of story.

But you do have to measure out your story. 100 pages doesn't really fit much. Sometimes it's possible to take take a small slice of a big story, or cut off the head or the tail, you know, or focus on the story within the story, other times it could be a trilogy.

Has it been written yet?

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

Anyway, it's your story, you're the only person who knows how it needs to be written.

We're only seeing snippets, so, we don't know anything.

Just seems like a lot of story.

But you do have to measure out your story. 100 pages doesn't really fit much. Sometimes it's possible to take take a small slice of a big story, or cut off the head or the tail, you know, or focus on the story within the story, other times it could be a trilogy.

Has it been written yet?

The first installment was a 100 page script and the movie was 100 minutes long.

The second installment will be a short.

As I answered Bird's question, The treatment for the short and the sequel to follow is complete.

The actual script for the short of something like half way through. Artemis is an anchor character who is the force behind the way things will turn out.

In Battlestar Galactica, the president of the human colonies was a religious woman who followed ancient scriptures with hopes and dreams of leading her people to a promised land called Earth. The servant class of robots, Cylons declared war on humanity and destroyed their home planet of Caprica.

In I, Creator 2 and on, Artemis will be the inspiration of humans and cyborgs who look to her for wisdom and hope. The way I ended the first I, Creator, Earth needs nothing less than a miracle to undo a terrible human tragedy and that's another reason why Artemis is being added to the series.

The treatment is a road map like a story bible is to a TV series. Or, at least the way I write a treatment.