How do I end this?

[sina12345]

I thought I had a good idea for a comedic short and here is what I have so far...

Story revolves around a kid who lives his crappy life going to his school living his mundane life. He gets bullied, pushed around, and when he asks out the girl of his dreams, he gets rejected, and to add insult to injury, the girl also insults him brutally.

Later on that day when he goes home to his alcoholic father, he asks him "Why does my life suck?" (Or something along the lines of Why does nobody like me?) and the father responds drunkenly, "Because you touch yourself at night.."

So later that night, before the kid goes to sleep, he pulls his pants down to touch himself, and then stops, and thinks to himself..."What if I don't?"

So he doesn't, pulls his pants back up, and goes to sleep.

The next day as he drops his books in school, the bullies help him up, apologize for their behavior, and admit that they were abused as children and they are just trying to get even with the world. Without going into too much detail, everything that day goes well, the girl of his dreams comes onto him, he gets invited to a party, etc. etc.

....Then what? I CAN'T THINK OF A WAY TO END THIS.

If it's not obvious I have no past experience in writing scripts..or stories for that matter.

Thanks in advance.

PS. Sorry for the really long read, got a lot on my mind.

 

[Cracker Funk]

"Magic Balls"! Haha.

You need a whole lot more than an ending. You need a middle. What you've just laid out would be a great first act. The protagonist is living a lame life. Then, one day, he becomes master of his own domain, and BOOM, it turns out his balls are magical, when not beaten daily.

OMG, this is golden! I so hope you make this movie.

Everything changes. It's a vast new world he's living in. But, there's an unexpected twist. There's something about having magical balls that is actually not awesome. So now, he's dealing with all of the awesomeness and not-so-awesomeness of having magical balls.

You need a conflict that needs to be resolved. How does having magical balls actually cause problems, and how will our hero transform to solve these problems?

 

[sina12345]

"Magic Balls"! Haha.

You need a whole lot more than an ending. You need a middle. What you've just laid out would be a great first act. The protagonist is living a lame life. Then, one day, he becomes master of his own domain, and BOOM, it turns out his balls are magical, when not beaten daily.

OMG, this is golden! I so hope you make this movie.

Everything changes. It's a vast new world he's living in. But, there's an unexpected twist. There's something about having magical balls that is actually not awesome. So now, he's dealing with all of the awesomeness and not-so-awesomeness of having magical balls.

You need a conflict that needs to be resolved. How does having magical balls actually cause problems, and how will our hero transform to solve these problems?

AH! CONFLICT. I gotta sleep on that tonight and see what I come up with. I'm glad you like this idea, it's the next short I'm working on and I'll be sure to post it up here when it's done.

Magic Balls..Magic Balls...what could possibly be the downfall of having magic balls? Well the reason his life turns awesome is because of not beating himself, so unless his a beating addict, then hes not losing much is he?

Maybe the problem lies outside the literal beating...Jesus...

PS I should mention my goal (at least for now) is to make this short under 4-5 minutes since the attention span of the people of vimeo/youtube are limited to say the least. If this makes any difference in writing a script.

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

You could do a lot of stuff with it in a 1st act. I can imagine scenes where he is growing increasingly paranoid, everything he sees on like billboards and on TV and in magazines and mistaken conversation is about balls.

Finally at the dinner table he slams his fork down and announces “I have magic balls!”, but his very busy and kind of neglectful parents shrug it off as just a phase, so he is alienated and ignored like a middle child.

Then some evil does its doing and of course he must set out on his pre-adventure or his journey.
“Where can I turn to for help and guidance?!” -BELL TOLLS-

He is outside of a Catholic church, Father Flanigan is there nipping from a flask. “Ahh Saint’s preserve us that’s the stuff, now what is it ya wanted to talk about Bobby?” , then we get the reaction shot of the kid all scared and backing away, he turns and starts to run. The Priest calling after him “Well can I at least call you then?”.

So the kid is walking around imagining like consulting an Obi-Wan type or like if he was Jim Morrison out in the dessert on peyote or meeting some spiritual guru or adviser or getting a sign, then he literally bumps into some gum chewing hooker with a heart of gold that he befriends and explains his predicament to, and she is like “Oh yeah?.. That happened to me once too kid. Naw, I’m just kidding.”

Then some more evil happens, the big evil set-up, and of course only he has the balls to stop it.

-Thanks-

 

[Cracker Funk]

I laughed, loudly, about five times while reading that, Buddy. Great stuff.

"Can I at least call you?"

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

Cool. (Thanks)

I like stupid stuff like that for laughs. I have this old script called Hellgebra (The homework that eats your dog! OR Hellgebra- You’ll show your work, in blood!) that is stupid funny like that.

I keep meaning to say that you should do an Awesomo short, or a series of Awesomo stuff, like he gives advice on life, Awesomo Moments. (That costume kills me and is perfect for something.)

-Thanks-

 

[Cracker Funk]

It could be like "Brother from Another Planet", except a raunchy comedy, through the eyes of Awesome-O!

In fact, that concept might work for the OP. How does normal everyday stuff appear, when seen through the eyes of someone with magical balls?












Ahem, just trying to stay on topic. We've been warned.

 

[Ccolebrook]

I'd do something with blue balls. He can't beat it or he'll beat the magic out, meanwhile he feels a growing tension in his balls that cannot be denied. Perhaps the female love interest can come in on this somewhere during his time of greatest need somewhere late in the 2nd act.

3rd act: Sprays his magic all over town.

 

[sina12345]

Haha, man there sure are a lot of ideas. My limitations though unfortunantley are that I most likely can't find a friend who will be willing to dress up as a prostitute, and since I'm shooting this with a group of friends around my age (17) I'm not sure how to get adults into this (hence high-school setting).

While I would love to befriend a nice little hooker LOL, I wouldn't know how to make that happen.

Still brainstorming some act 2 stuff at the moment.

 

[Cracker Funk]

While I would love to befriend a nice little hooker LOL, I wouldn't know how to make that happen.

You must not read the news. Craigslist is practically an online brothel. And no, you don't wanna meet any.

Act 2 stuff isn't really what you need to brainstorm, in my opinion. That will come when it comes. What you need, if I can be a broken record, is conflict. You still need that one main idea -- what is it that our hero has to overcome? What's the one thing that the entire movie is about?

You need a logline.

I like this idea of yours. I'm gonna try to think of a couple ideas I can toss your way. I can't make any gaurantees, but I'll try.

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

I agree, you just need the high concept idea (and hopefully title) that explains it all in one felled swoop, then much of the rest will fall into place. Make a list of titles and concepts in word association form until you get it.

-Thanks-

 

[wheatgrinder]

This thread is like a gruesome traffic accident! I didn't WANNA look, but I couldn't help my self..

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

Hang in there till the proposed titles start coming out of the wood work, like Testicle on 34th Street and Battle Of The Buldge, Harry Potter and the Family Jewels and so forth.

-Thanks-

 

[sina12345]

You must not read the news. Craigslist is practically an online brothel. And no, you don't wanna meet any.

Act 2 stuff isn't really what you need to brainstorm, in my opinion. That will come when it comes. What you need, if I can be a broken record, is conflict. You still need that one main idea -- what is it that our hero has to overcome? What's the one thing that the entire movie is about?

You need a logline.

I like this idea of yours. I'm gonna try to think of a couple ideas I can toss your way. I can't make any gaurantees, but I'll try.

Sorry like I mentioned in the original post, I've never written a script/screenplay before, so could you clarify a little on the whole act stuff? I thought Act 2 would be where the conflict is shown and act 3 where it would be solved, but I got it wrong it seems.
Also what is a logline? (I'll google it anyways )

I agree, you just need the high concept idea (and hopefully title) that explains it all in one felled swoop, then much of the rest will fall into place. Make a list of titles and concepts in word association form until you get it.

-Thanks-

Same problem, could you expand on what you mean? High concept idea, list of titles? I feel lost.


Thanks for all the help guys!!

EDIT: "Battle of the Bulge" hahahaha, I think I know what you mean now by title.

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

What I mean is to take the initial concept of “Magic Balls” and give it a name that might explain a story conflict or story line right in the title. Films like Back To The Future tell us what it’s somewhat about right in the name. Other times there might be a dual meaning to the title.

It’s possible something clever and insane can be conceptualized for your story the same way, so as to give it a funny name and story concept all in one shot.

-Thanks-

 

[sina12345]

Well I was originally thinking that the title would just be called "'Cuz you touch yourself at night" since the entire story revolves around that quote, is that too simple to go with?

 

[Cracker Funk]

Sorry like I mentioned in the original post, I've never written a script/screenplay before, so could you clarify a little on the whole act stuff? I thought Act 2 would be where the conflict is shown and act 3 where it would be solved, but I got it wrong it seems.
Also what is a logline? (I'll google it anyways )

Same problem, could you expand on what you mean? High concept idea, list of titles? I feel lost.

Thanks for all the help guys!!

EDIT: "Battle of the Bulge" hahahaha, I think I know what you mean now by title.

Well, considering the fact that I'm not any kind of specialist in screenwriting, I don't feel like I should be giving lessons in it, especially since what you're asking is very much google-able. However, I like you, and I like this story, so I'll give you a quick nutshell, and then you can (should) google-away for more in-depth detail.

You're in high-school. Surely, you've had an English teacher talk to you about having a thesis statement for an essay. Whether it's 2 pages, or 5, or 20, or 100, you need to be able to sum the entire thing up in one sentence. What is it about? For an essay, if your reader is to remember only one thing, what is that one thing that you want them to get out of it? This is a very strong organizational tool.

It works the same for movies. Your logline is your thesis statement. What is the entire movie about? And don't make it a lame run-on sentence. Be as concise as possible.

Blake, a lonely, picked-on, virgin, high-school senior, is thrown into a world of chaos, and must conquer the something-something-we-need-a-plot, when he discovers that his balls are powerfully magic.

Whether it's a 3-hour epic, or a 60-second short, every movie needs a logline. For the pros in Hollywood, it's part of how they sell a script, or a movie. For schmucks like us, like your English essay thesis statement, it's a very strong organizational tool. You need to know what the movie is about.

The three-act structure? Yeah, I think you understand it. It's simple, but not really that simple. I guess it depends on who you talk to.

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

Well, it's your baby as they say, but to me it lacks the outwardly exhibited creativity in the title or concept that you might want it to have to actually use something outside the box to tell a story.

There was a film with Paul Giamatti about a kid (I think) with an extraordinary flatulence situation going on. They didn't call the film The Kid That Farts Like A MFer, they called it Thunderpants.

See the difference?

EDIT: And I agree with Cracker here on a logline. Tell us the story in a sentence or two.
I personally do logline OR Title/Concept OR Both at once. (To me they all go hand in hand.)

-Thanks-

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

This GEEKY KID finds himself in a rut of “interruptions” only to discover because of it he is suddenly magically gifted.

Like most (Not all) teen males he is busy eyeing some CHEERLEADERS or something when
-THUMP- he is whacked on the noggin with a football by the COOL FOOTBALL AHOLES.

The Cheerleaders laugh at him, he is mortified of course and throws the ball back all pissed, but the ball (magically) shotguns as if thrown by an NFL QB.

THE COACH is like “Hey Towel Bitch, where did you get that arm?” and the Kid says “Well I must have developed it while… Nevermind!” and stomps off, but The Coach stops him and says "Look Kid, do you want to be taking shit from the school mascot your whole life, or do you want to be dating one of them next weekend?" (And thumbs towards the Cheerleaders.)

So the Kid goes from geek to football hero, and is kicking ass at it, but he knows or thinks (superstitiously) his new found success is all because of his abstinence.

Now that he is suddenly the star QB, "all" the girls want him. This is his social/sexual quandary.

Title: Touch Down.


ALSO: Somehow you spin THE GIRL THAT USED TO LIKE HIM, but that he never noticed and now sees at some point as different, not “Fake” like some of the Cheerleaders, but when he notices her, she thinks he is a big jerk that has changed.

So there is some kind of thematic thing with “The Big Game” and “Scoring” or something, and he learns some nutty half baked lesson, like he doesn’t want to be that jerk football guy with the fake girl, he wants to be that jerk off guy with the real girl, and football can be just another fantasy. (Or some non-sense that is like the worst Afterschool Special EVER.)

You could possibly make this happen with a few actors and a couple of resources, and maybe a lawyer.

-Thanks-

 

[onix]

act 2. the magic balls grow way too big in the rosy turnaround in fact uncomfortably and visibly too big (middle of story) and the fortunate events are start reversing, causing much more problems than ever before and the kid wishes that everything could go back the original state and size. act3. the only solution is to return to his secret little "habit" and have a happy ending -every night )