Horror Script in Miami For Sale

[EnglishinMiami]

You name two people, the lawyer and the woman, before stating that "she" reincarnates. As we don't know the sex of the lawyer, so both could be female, "she" could be either. The statement that she reincarnates inside "his wife's womb" does offer some clarification, as we then know that one of the characters is male. Since it can't be the woman, it must be the lawyer. So "she" must be the woman. It all seems clear enough, but it does take some additional thought processing for the reader to come to these conclusions. You need to avoid any confusion, as that will put potential readers off straight away.

By the way, if you want somebody to read your screenplay, I'd be happy to look it over.

Thx and thx! Will see if it can be sent via this site.

 

[EnglishinMiami]

Well said. Yes it can be painful



It doesn't read like it, it is it. It's how the English language works in this case. Think of it like the typical math problems that come up 1 + 7 * 2 + 1 + 7 * 5 = ?. Just like math, English has its own set of rules. If you don't understand (or in my case, cannot apply - see above) the rules, you'll come to the wrong answer, or in the case of English force your reader to an understanding you didn't intend.



This is the best logline posted in this thread by a factor of 20. As a bonus, it removes a question to whether we'd care to go on a journey with a murdering rapist. Miami would be wise to hire you to rewrite her material.

Wow you're bitchy.

 

[Sweetie]

Wow you're bitchy.

I can see how it can appear that way to the ignorant.

 

[Maxsdad]

Wow you're bitchy.

Son, you may want to LISTEN to what Sweetie, Mlesemann, and Mad Hatter say... the rest of us do.

 

[mad_hatter]

Son, you may want to LISTEN to what Sweetie, Mlesemann, and Mad Hatter say... the rest of us do.

Haha! Thanks Maxsdad, but I think you're giving me a little more credit than I deserve...

It doesn't read like it, it is it. It's how the English language works in this case. Think of it like the typical math problems that come up 1 + 7 * 2 + 1 + 7 * 5 = ?. Just like math, English has its own set of rules. If you don't understand (or in my case, cannot apply - see above) the rules, you'll come to the wrong answer, or in the case of English force your reader to an understanding you didn't intend.

I don't think that's bitchy at all; it's actually a very good analogy.

MiamiLife - The above sum is unsolvable without more information. In mathematics, we need to bracket off individual sums, within the longer sum. The answer to the above sum can just as easily be 120 as it can be 400. That’s because ((1 + 7) * 2) + (1 + 7) * 5 = 120, while (1+7) * ((2 + 1 + 7) * 5) = 400. In terms of English, a misplaced or forgotten comma can make the world of difference.

 

[Sweetie]

I think you're giving me a little more credit than I deserve...

I know how you feel. Most of the time, I don't even listen to myself

The above sum

umm... the answer is 51. The answer will only change if you alter the equation. Short of adding the brackets to alter the priority, there are rules that determine the order in which you solve it.

((1 + 7) * 2) + (1 + 7) * 5 = 120

aaargh, no it isn't. You'll need an additional bracket for that to be true.
((1 + 7) * 2) + (1 + 7) * 5 = 51

I guess this is what you meant to write?
(((1 + 7) * 2) + (1 + 7)) * 5 = 120

while (1+7) * ((2 + 1 + 7) * 5) = 400

Agreed.

English, though it's less elegant than math, it still has rules. To further your forgotten comma, take the missing apostrophe from the following example:

This one always makes me chuckle. I'll throw in for the writers believe their words don't need to be precise:

One last one to push the point further:

Memes can be great learning tools.

A writer who expects to get paid should know better.

 

[mad_hatter]

umm... the answer is 51.

Indeed it is! I got a bit carried away adding the brackets!

aaargh, no it isn't. You'll need an additional bracket for that to be true.
((1 + 7) * 2) + (1 + 7) * 5 = 51

Nope. We've both cocked this one up! It's 56.

A writer who expects to get paid should know better.

Couldn't agree more with this. A professional writer, regardless of their ability to actually write a good story, must have a firm grasp of all intricacies of the English language.

 

[Sweetie]

Nope. We've both cocked this one up! It's 56.

You're right. I stand corrected. Damn, even simple math is smashing me into the ground. I must have missed the 1+ in my head. I probably shouldn't have responded after being up for 20 hours with little sleep. My bad.

Couldn't agree more with this. A professional writer, regardless of their ability to actually write a good story, must have a firm grasp of all intricacies of the English language.

It's not that we're talking about the finer intricacies of the English language. We've only been referring to the basics. Nothing higher than grade 10 English. Probably lower than that.

That all being said, the only reason I'm tough on her is due to her expectation of being paid, which be inference means she thinks of herself as a professional. With the exception of H44, I'd hate to be this nit picky to an amateur. I'd probably even taken your route of rewriting her logline, hopefully pointing her in the right direction.

 

[maz]

Couldn't agree more with this. A professional writer, regardless of their ability to actually write a good story, must have a firm grasp of all intricacies of the English language.

Not really true. There are many professional and renowned authors who absolutely rely on good editors to get their amazing stories into coherent and grammatical shape.

I'd always rather be a good storyteller than have a perfect command of the rules though. Alas, I'm one of life's editors

 

[directorik]

Without proper punctuation the Thanksgiving meal becomes something very different:

Let's eat, Grandma.

Lets eat Grandma.

But then you Brits and Aussies have no idea what I'm on about....

 

[Sweetie]

I never understood why you yanks would eat grandma for thanksgiving

Not really true. There are many professional and renowned authors who absolutely rely on good editors to get their amazing stories into coherent and grammatical shape.

I'd always rather be a good storyteller than have a perfect command of the rules though. Alas, I'm one of life's editors

I wholeheartedly agree. I'd rather be a good storyteller with the resources to get it polished into a salable piece, than to try to schlepp unsalable unpolished turds to unsuspecting producers and executives. The alternative to be a poor storyteller with perfect writing is unappealing. The obvious preference is a combination of both, and I'm not talking about a poor storytelling with broken Engrish.

Which leads me back to my previous suggestion that she would be wise to hire someone to rewrite her material.

I'm so bitchy

 

[EnglishinMiami]

You're just illuminating more about what you are. Funny but stupid. And only funny sometimes.