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story Hero of Paris

This story is based on real historical events (the terrorist attacks in Paris on November 13, 2015).

A group of terrorists attempted to launch a large-scale terrorist attack in Paris on November 13, 2015, and try hijack the French president who watched the football match. A young man (orphan, police father died on duty) accidentally broke in and found the plot of the terrorist attacker. In order to stop the terrorist attacks,The brave young man, alone and in-depth, launched a life-and-death fight with the armed terrorists, assisted by the police in Paris Next, Bertrame, with the help of his friends and in cooperation, not only allowed Paris to enter the anti-terrorism alert in advance, also Shooted dead a number of armed terrorists. and have successfully reduced the number of terrorist attacks from 14 places to 7 places, Stopped the plot of armed terrorists to attack the French President, avoiding the death and injury of more innocent people.In this terrorist attack,the people of Paris,, in the face of terrorist attacks, facing the crisis of life and death, struggling to fight, unite and help each other.
 
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Having a story with "a ton of potential" is awesome. Without that, you have nothing.

Some of these issues are easily resolved - getting rid of the direction, lens indications, and blocking are simply a habit to break. And as far as the epilogue is concerned, I suggest that you figure out what is in that that might best be included in the actual screenplay. For the rest, you'll have to hope that a audience that appreciates the movie will be motivated to do some research on their own.

In terms of time frame, I recommend doing a thorough outline before you write the next draft. That will help you to pin down what's missing and fix it early in the process.

Good luck with the next draft!
Thank you for your encouragement

I will change the format, syntax, and other errors to make this movie script a movie
 
I think the logline gives away the ending, I'd suggest not including that he died, gives us something to hold onto for the next 90 minutes. Are these readers notes? Do you have the screenplay to share?
This movie script has just been publicized on the blacklist website. Many readers haven't seen it. It's just a professional writer who has evaluated my work, and more follow-up evaluations are still going on
 
Era
2015, flashbacks

Locations
France

Budgets
Medium

Genre
Drama, Adventure Drama, Coming-of-Age, Crime Drama, Period Drama, Political Drama, Mystery & Suspense, Crime Thriller, Detective Film, Political Thriller

Logline
The true life story of Lt Col Arnaud Beltrame, a hero policeman who saved multiple lives by sacrificing his own during the November 2015 Paris attacks.

Strengths
This is an exciting slice of historic true crime, ripe for cinematic adaptation. The premise alone gives this script some truly strong potential. Beginning the story with Beltrame's childhood gives the narrative a broader sense of scope and resonance, creating more of an empathetic bond between the reader and this man's life in the process, although additionally exploring his military service could also add some additional depth to this element. Overall, the writer seems to have mined the real life timeline of events for a truly compelling angle on tragedy. With some additionally deep and thoughtful work, this script could eventually go on to become a sturdy film.

Weaknesses
That said, the script is quite flawed. And although much of this may be due to errors in translation, the script is itself rife with typos, as well as formatting and structural issues. Particularly blatant, is the use past as opposed to present tense, but there is also a lot of awkward dialogue, strange phrasings, numerous redundancies in the blocking, and odd paragraph breaks, sometime mid-sentence. There's also an issue of too much directing in the script, such as moments where the writer denotes when the lenses should change. Additionally, there is some major clarity issues, making the time-frame very confusing. For instance, at the beginning of the script, Beltrame is a boy at a funeral, who goes to middle school, then high school, then he tries to get a job at a grocery store. But, in the next scene he's putting on a police uniform, with no clear transition denoted. Ignoring these structural issue, there's still a serious lack of character depth or development within the script, making the writing feel cold and clinical, like a bare-bones blueprint as opposed to a screenplay. The blocking is also too explicitly detailed, seeming to describe every character motion. The expanded epilogue scrolls of dates and facts, are far too long and too inactive to make for a satisfying curtain to this sad true life tale.

Prospects:
Although the premise is strong, and the angle of the story has a ton of potential, the script itself will need a lot of work if it is to eventually meet industry standards.
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Sequels??? LOL. I think you may be a dreamer. Where is script #1? Why are you talking sequel already? Why would you sacrifice your first story for sequels when there is no funding/guarantee for sequels? Maybe one and done. Maybe none at all! Get writing sir! Stop dreaming and put pen to paper.
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
At the beginning
I'm confident,
I think this works has the potential to win the Oscar.

Now it seems,
Just dreaming

Like I said in your other thread, you are a dreamer. You haven't written the script and you are talking Oscar!!?? You know how to stop dreaming? WRITE!
 
Era
2015, flashbacks

Locations
France

Budgets
Medium

Genre
Drama, Adventure Drama
Like I said in your other thread, you are a dreamer. You haven't written the script and you are talking Oscar!!?? You know how to stop dreaming? WRITE!

, Coming-of-Age, Crime Drama, Period Drama, Political Drama, Mystery & Suspense, Crime Thriller, Detective Film, Political Thriller

Logline
The true life story of Lt Col Arnaud Beltrame, a hero policeman who saved multiple lives by sacrificing his own during the November 2015 Paris attacks.

Strengths
This is an exciting slice of historic true crime, ripe for cinematic adaptation. The premise alone gives this script some truly strong potential. Beginning the story with Beltrame's childhood gives the narrative a broader sense of scope and resonance, creating more of an empathetic bond between the reader and this man's life in the process, although additionally exploring his military service could also add some additional depth to this element. Overall, the writer seems to have mined the real life timeline of events for a truly compelling angle on tragedy. With some additionally deep and thoughtful work, this script could eventually go on to become a sturdy film.

Weaknesses
That said, the script is quite flawed. And although much of this may be due to errors in translation, the script is itself rife with typos, as well as formatting and structural issues. Particularly blatant, is the use past as opposed to present tense, but there is also a lot of awkward dialogue, strange phrasings, numerous redundancies in the blocking, and odd paragraph breaks, sometime mid-sentence. There's also an issue of too much directing in the script, such as moments where the writer denotes when the lenses should change. Additionally, there is some major clarity issues, making the time-frame very confusing. For instance, at the beginning of the script, Beltrame is a boy at a funeral, who goes to middle school, then high school, then he tries to get a job at a grocery store. But, in the next scene he's putting on a police uniform, with no clear transition denoted. Ignoring these structural issue, there's still a serious lack of character depth or development within the script, making the writing feel cold and clinical, like a bare-bones blueprint as opposed to a screenplay. The blocking is also too explicitly detailed, seeming to describe every character motion. The expanded epilogue scrolls of dates and facts, are far too long and too inactive to make for a satisfying curtain to this sad true life tale.

Prospects:
Although the premise is strong, and the angle of the story has a ton of potential, the script itself will need a lot of work if it is to eventually meet industry standards.
It has been written and is being publicized on other websites.

However, there are format errors, syntax errors and so on in the script, which need to be modified
 
Hero of Paris

It's an assessment from other writers
 

Attachments

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[QUOTE =“ Ollie,帖子:441494,成员:33301”]
我认为记录线会留下结局,我建议不要包括他的死在内,在接下来的90分钟内给我们一些帮助。这些读者在注意吗?您有分享的剧本吗?
[/引用]
ÿES
 
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