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story Hero of Paris

This story is based on real historical events (the terrorist attacks in Paris on November 13, 2015).

A group of terrorists attempted to launch a large-scale terrorist attack in Paris on November 13, 2015, and try hijack the French president who watched the football match. A young man (orphan, police father died on duty) accidentally broke in and found the plot of the terrorist attacker. In order to stop the terrorist attacks,The brave young man, alone and in-depth, launched a life-and-death fight with the armed terrorists, assisted by the police in Paris Next, Bertrame, with the help of his friends and in cooperation, not only allowed Paris to enter the anti-terrorism alert in advance, also Shooted dead a number of armed terrorists. and have successfully reduced the number of terrorist attacks from 14 places to 7 places, Stopped the plot of armed terrorists to attack the French President, avoiding the death and injury of more innocent people.In this terrorist attack,the people of Paris,, in the face of terrorist attacks, facing the crisis of life and death, struggling to fight, unite and help each other.
 
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indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Please translate to English for best results thx
 
OK!
internally:When he was very young, the protagonist's father, a Paris policeman, perish in the line of duty. His grandfather raised him. He wanted to grow up to be a policeman like his father. Before graduating from high school, his grandfather died. After graduating from high school, he was forced to give up his studies and start work. In the middle of the night, he often wore a police uniform and patrolled the streets. In one patrol, he accidentally discovered the plot of international terrorist organizations to launch terrorist attacks on Paris。

externally:
With the secret support of the current Paris police chief (his father's former colleague), the boss of the boxing house and his friends helped him together at night. They risked their lives, found the theft of arms by terrorist organizations, and succeeded in part of the evidence of terrorist attacks, and killed several members of terrorist organizations. Paris entered the anti-terrorism alert ahead of time, leading to the reduction of terrorist organizations Scope of terrorist attacks.

Finally, with the efforts of the protagonist, the plot of hijacking French president by terrorist organizations was successfully stopped, and the death of innocent Parisians was reduced.
 
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indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
This needs to be a fictitious event. If you decide to use the real event you will be taking a lot of liberties in the story that will piss people off and put them off. And your film could be panned for making shit up. You take something so serious that affected so many people; a whole country, as well as the world. You don't play around with that.
 
This needs to be a fictitious event. If you decide to use the real event you will be taking a lot of liberties in the story that will piss people off and put them off. And your film could be panned for making shit up. You take something so serious that affected so many people; a whole country, as well as the world. You don't play around with that.

The plot of the story is fictitious!

But the terrorist attacks in Paris in 2015 are real.
 
[QUOTE =“ indietalk,帖子:441391,成员:3”]
那就是问题所在。
[/引用]


Although the story is fictional, many of the plots described in the story are consistent with the real situation of the terrorist attacks in Paris in 2015, and there is no tampering with the real historical facts
 
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indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
The backstory is where you will receive the criticism for the liberties.
 
My fictional story doesn't involve politics, religion, or anything else. It just wants to express: human nature.

For example, the personal thoughts and emotions of the common people,

So, in the beginning, in the beginning,the name of the story was - civilian hero
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
If it is a separate story that happens while this is happening, yes. If it is tied to it directly, like, the life of the bombers, it should be as accurate as possible. That's my opinion others will vary.
 
My fictional story is similar to the Russian movie - nfilov's 28 men. The difference is that my story exaggerates the role of the protagonist in historical events

I don't know if this phenomenon is allowed in American film and television themes
If it is a separate story that happens while this is happening, yes. If it is tied to it directly, like, the life of the bombers, it should be as accurate as possible. That's my opinion others will vary.
 
If it is a separate story that happens while this is happening, yes. If it is tied to it directly, like, the life of the bombers, it should be as accurate as possible. That's my opinion others will vary.

At the beginning
I'm confident,
I think this works has the potential to win the Oscar.

Now it seems,
Just dreaming
 
Era
2015, flashbacks

Locations
France

Budgets
Medium

Genre
Drama, Adventure Drama, Coming-of-Age, Crime Drama, Period Drama, Political Drama, Mystery & Suspense, Crime Thriller, Detective Film, Political Thriller

Logline
The true life story of Lt Col Arnaud Beltrame, a hero policeman who saved multiple lives by sacrificing his own during the November 2015 Paris attacks.

Strengths
This is an exciting slice of historic true crime, ripe for cinematic adaptation. The premise alone gives this script some truly strong potential. Beginning the story with Beltrame's childhood gives the narrative a broader sense of scope and resonance, creating more of an empathetic bond between the reader and this man's life in the process, although additionally exploring his military service could also add some additional depth to this element. Overall, the writer seems to have mined the real life timeline of events for a truly compelling angle on tragedy. With some additionally deep and thoughtful work, this script could eventually go on to become a sturdy film.

Weaknesses
That said, the script is quite flawed. And although much of this may be due to errors in translation, the script is itself rife with typos, as well as formatting and structural issues. Particularly blatant, is the use past as opposed to present tense, but there is also a lot of awkward dialogue, strange phrasings, numerous redundancies in the blocking, and odd paragraph breaks, sometime mid-sentence. There's also an issue of too much directing in the script, such as moments where the writer denotes when the lenses should change. Additionally, there is some major clarity issues, making the time-frame very confusing. For instance, at the beginning of the script, Beltrame is a boy at a funeral, who goes to middle school, then high school, then he tries to get a job at a grocery store. But, in the next scene he's putting on a police uniform, with no clear transition denoted. Ignoring these structural issue, there's still a serious lack of character depth or development within the script, making the writing feel cold and clinical, like a bare-bones blueprint as opposed to a screenplay. The blocking is also too explicitly detailed, seeming to describe every character motion. The expanded epilogue scrolls of dates and facts, are far too long and too inactive to make for a satisfying curtain to this sad true life tale.

Prospects:
Although the premise is strong, and the angle of the story has a ton of potential, the script itself will need a lot of work if it is to eventually meet industry standards.
 
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mlesemann

Staff Member
Moderator
Having a story with "a ton of potential" is awesome. Without that, you have nothing.

Some of these issues are easily resolved - getting rid of the direction, lens indications, and blocking are simply a habit to break. And as far as the epilogue is concerned, I suggest that you figure out what is in that that might best be included in the actual screenplay. For the rest, you'll have to hope that a audience that appreciates the movie will be motivated to do some research on their own.

In terms of time frame, I recommend doing a thorough outline before you write the next draft. That will help you to pin down what's missing and fix it early in the process.

Good luck with the next draft!
 
I think the logline gives away the ending, I'd suggest not including that he died, gives us something to hold onto for the next 90 minutes. Are these readers notes? Do you have the screenplay to share?
 
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