help finishing the short

[dlevanchuk]

Here is a small idea I came up earlier today, but I can't figure out how I can end it! Do you guys have some ideas??

Sorry for the lengthy ptext, but I wrote it up as a future reference for myself as well, since I don't have paper or pen to write with

Its for something that is about 30 min long, drama/action type of a short

Two brother are down on their luck, having nothing to their name, and turn to the crime. They plan a quick robbery, with out anyintention of hurting anybody. Their plan is to wait until its dark, and rob a person by ATM. They wait it out, and rob a person, who turns out to be an elderly guy. He has a heart attack during the robbery, and collapses on the scene. Brother 1 freak out, because when police will replay atm camera footage, video will show robbers and they might fall under suspicion of a murder. While the other one (brother 2) is going through the mans jacket, and steals his wallet. To calm down brother 2, brother 1 convinces brother 2 to put the body in the trunk of the car, and drop off the body somewhere further away from atm camera. Because they re next to a busy area, they decide to drop off the car and a body somewhere in nearby park. The car has almost no gas left, and starts to die. They pull over at a gas station, where they notice a cop car. The plan is to quickly run in, pay for gas and keep going.
When brother 1 gets in the gas station to pay for gas, a cop is talking to the clerk, talking about lotto. Brother 1, takes out some cash out of stolen wallet (from the old man), clerk notices a lotto ticket in the wallet. He says that its the last day to scan the ticket. Under glaring eyes of police brother 1 takes out lotto ticket. Clerk scans it, and surprising tells that its the winning ticket, andhe just won $500 dollars. Clerk happily asks for ID to claim the winning, on which brother hesitates, but gives clerk an ID of old man. He just doesn't want to ask suspicious infront of the cop. Clerk glances at brother 1, then at id, then at the cop.. Quickly, brother 2 gets behind the cop, and snatches cops gun out of cops hollister...





Then what?????

 

[CamVader]

The cop gets on his shoulder radio and tells dispatch of his situation. The brothers watch in amazement with the gun still pointed at the officer, then panic and run out of the store. The cop laughs it off, bragging to the clerk and dispatch, walks outside and gets robbed by the brothers netting five thousand dollars, handing him back his own empty gun..

 

[supercarz]

Why does it have to keep going from there?

It could be cool if you went to black after the brother takes the gun out of the cops holster, let the audience make up their mind what they think is gonna happen next

 

[Murdock]

Brother 2 shoots the cop. Then robs the store and brother 1. this way brother 2 takes all the fall, and brother 1 is left in the clear. Until, Detective Toosmart starts to put it together.......now you go from there.

 

[dlevanchuk]

CamVader - aaah so cops gun is not loaded, and cop knows about it.. i'll have to think about it

supercarz - thats a good idea. But I was thinking if pointing gun at the cop would be too much of an intense scene to end the movie with..

Mudrock - Oh, i like brother being traitor idea. Sort of trying to safe his own skin, type of the deal.. Maybe not to have two troublemakers as brothers, but maybe friends. That way its more believable..

 

[Buddy Greenfield]

How about both brothers are in the store (one in line, the other suddenly busying himself once walking in and finding the cop) then when the clerk asks for ID it’s a few beats of “Oh damn!”.

The brother that isn’t in line witnesses the clerk ask for the ID and is creeping up, eye on the cop’s gun with the intention to grab it.

When suddenly in bursts the old (not so dead after all) guy with their jack handle and making a B line for one of the brothers, like “I’ll F’in’ kill you!” , but the cop thinks the old guy means him (The cop) and freaks out and blows the old guy away?

*Could also be that one brother prevents the old guy from attacking the other brother, but it seems like he (They) are coming to the aid of the cop, the cop hits (Or shoots) the old guy, the old guy REALLY has a heart attack and drops dead right there.

The brothers are precieved as heros but we know they are really killers.

*Might also be good if at the ATM one of the brothers jumps the gun and accosts the old guy only to find he has a reciept showing he has no funds (Or just withdrew his last 20 bucks- not knowing himself that he has a winning ticket), this is when the the guy has a grabber.

OR

One brother approaches the old guy before he can get any money out, (Old guy gets scared and confused, starts having a heart attack, but on camera they are seen robbing him at gun point, so its kind of like murder.)

Then you could do a “Is he dead?” - “I don’t know! He looks dead!” – “Well…lets leave him at a hospital then, and get the hell out of here!” panic thing.


-Thanks-

 

[dlevanchuk]

Buddy - excellent!

"When suddenly in bursts the old (not so dead after all) guy with their jack handle and making a B line for one of the brothers, like “I’ll F’in’ kill you!” , but the cop thinks the old guy means him (The cop) and freaks out and blows the old guy away"

Thats exactly what I was looking for!

 

[Filman]

The cop is the brother and is the one in trouble because he witnesses that the clerk
wants to give out money to one with a fake ID. We remember from the beginning that
one of the robbers agreed to see his brother at the gas station. The brother (that we
didn't expect to be a cop) told him to stay out of trouble until then.