Funny lines.

Anybody else have funny jokes or lines that you heard somewhere, sometimes years and years ago, that stuck in your brain and that you trot out any time the opportunity arises?
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Re. religion, I heard some comic, when I was a kid, on I think the Mike Douglas show, say about his faith: "I'm a Frisbian. We believe that when you die your soul gets stuck on the roof." And ever since, I have called myself a Frisbian. A few more:

"I'm not a hypochondriac. Although I do have the 10 early warning signs of elephant man disease on my bathroom mirror.." I actually said this to my new primary care physician, and she explained to me that I didn't have elephant man disease, and then explained what elephant man disease was. Oh well. So much for charming.

Early Steve Martin: "Before he passed, my father gave me this advice: Aways keep a litter bag in your car. They're free and when they get full you can throw them out the window."

anyway :)
 
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My favorite joke last year was from "Barry"

A Hollywood director is asked "Who should be the next spiderman?" and responded "Ben Mendelson?"

I'm sure it's lost in translation here, but the delivery of the scene in the show was hilarious.

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(Ben Mendelsohn as spiderman 4, painting by Nate)

In case anyone is unfamiliar with Barry, here is a sample excerpt

 
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This was one of the most committed jokes I've ever seen. Corey left Hollywood against what I'm sure were the protestations of numerous high caliber casting agents, and made 10 albums in a row, apparently all as a setup for this hilarious multifaceted joke combining Steven Segal grade dance moves, a remix of O Fortuna, copy pasted c side club lyrics for drunk people, and a hooded sweatshirt distinctive enough to form the entire personality of a marvel superhero.

He really went the extra mile to back up the joke, performing the track and other originals in front 1s of people just to drive home the point. I personally appreciated the use of particle board, which is an underused material in high profile stage performances. That's real outside the box thinking.

 
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