plot Focusing on a single project for this year...opinion on premise wanted.

Your ending is going to need some work. It's too Lifetime movie. And yes Lifetime has dark thrillers lol. The whole, his daughter is probably gone, but he takes in a girl he saved (the replacement, not-replacement) is sappy and unfullfilling at the same time. I can see the zoom out from her (daughter's) picture to them enjoying a game of Scrabble as the credits roll. Just no. You need a better ending. :)
I agree with this, and I think a good way to fix it would be to end the movie on a cliffhanger. No way in hell would Dad just give up on looking for his daughter. He still takes in this new girl, and when she discovers what he's been up to, she insists he take her in under his wing so that they can continue the search together. Roll credits.
 
I agree with this, and I think a good way to fix it would be to end the movie on a cliffhanger. No way in hell would Dad just give up on looking for his daughter. He still takes in this new girl, and when she discovers what he's been up to, she insists he take her in under his wing so that they can continue the search together. Roll credits.
Exactly. That was kind of the plan in the end.
 

indietalk

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It also wouldn't take years for him to start looking hard.
Retired detective lost his 15 year old daughter via kidnapping a few years prior to the beginning of the story. The investigation into her disappearance turned up nothing, so he takes drastic measures to find out what happened.
 

indietalk

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He's a retied cop. You might start the movie at his retirement party. Everyone is jubilant, his speech is interrupted by a whisper in his hear. This is the kidnapping news. But he's now retired. The town says it's in the hands of the FBI and since he's retired he can't do anything about it. But he has a friend on the force. This friend and him team up low key. Yada yada just brainstorming again. :D
 
He's a retied cop. You might start the movie at his retirement party. Everyone is jubilant, his speech is interrupted by a whisper in his hear. This is the kidnapping news. But he's now retired. The town says it's in the hands of the FBI and since he's retired he can't do anything about it. But he has a friend on the force. This friend and him team up low key. Yada yada just brainstorming again. :D
I was considering him having a partner of sorts.
 

indietalk

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Does he have to be retired? You could add some conflict. He's a cop nobody likes because they consider him a rat. But because he's one of the good guys that helped clean up a corrupt department. The rest of the dept. that's left after the cleanup are the dirty cops that just didn't get caught. Except the guy that wants to help him. He risks his reputation for helping him. He could be receiving an award for his work cleaning up the dept. and at this award dinner he receives the info about his daughter. Now as a rat cop he must go this alone with no help, and false leads given by his fellow cops that laugh. This even adds suspicion. That someone in the dept. is responsible for the kidnapping.
 
The twist is, the "clean" cop that's helping him is involved and wanted to keep tabs and stay close to the father. :shocked:
Ahhh yea I like what you're saying. I have a problem with going too big sometimes. I have never completed a feature (but many shorts), so this is kind of daunting. I have a western which is about 70 pages in, but again I lost it due to adding things and not being satisfied. I'm sure you know what I mean.

With this, I WANT something small, but it keeps getting larger.

Real quick, in small towns like this one (it's real by the way) are typically ran by a meat packing plant, which is locally run by a family. I was going to have a family be the ones in charge of the trafficking. They have the sheriff in their pocket as well. This way there's an actual conspiracy, but it's local. The ending of "I need to keep looking for her" is justified seeing as the traffickers themselves are flying in from elsewhere.
 

indietalk

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I meandered from you idea but I just like brainstorming. And hell, sometimes you can take just one thing from the 200 and it's the magic puzzle piece!
 
I meandered from you idea but I just like brainstorming. And hell, sometimes you can take just one thing from the 200 and it's the magic puzzle piece!
Well dude, I'm taking your idea of current cop, partner back at home helping him along the way. He won't be the reason for the kidnapping, however. Instead, proximity to the trafficking ring is the cause of the kidnapping, and once found out, the detective will call in for his partner.

All of this will take place when the detective in on mandatory leave. In the real world, a detective isn't allowed to investigate if there's conflicting interests, so this would explain the partner feeding information.

Thanks again for the base idea, now I can run with my world building and actually start something.
 
Good base material, I like!
One of my main problems is I tend to get to the story too quickly. So I'm going to work on an intro taking place at an award ceremony for the department. The detective, partner and wives will be there. People get drunk, the detective and wife go home and maybe leave the front door open accidentally. They wake up the following morning to their daughter gone. The investigation starts, dude is put on leave, etc.

EDIT: Later in the story, when the realization a fellow cop was responsible for the kidnapping, I'll show that the ceremony in the beginning was directly related to him turning in dirty cops. So that way, the kidnapping is justified within the story.

Worth nothing that I went through the hiring process for Sheriff Deputy in my county a while back, and have police in my family.
 
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