I am posting these in hopes that future me comes back, and reads them. Maybe to remind myself where I came from... Maybe to show how naive I was in the past... Hopefully to keep my brain grounded.
I also hope being honest and open helps other filmmakers. I have no delusions that I am "a great" or high on my horse. Only spouting what comes to mind. I've always been that way.
That said, my past attitude has put a shield up in my life. When meeting new people, I always tread lightly, in an attempt to not repeat past mistakes and offend them with my candid and up front behavior. My tact level is limited, but its what makes me, me.
The real problem comes when I try too hard to behave like someone else. I get quiet, afraid to offend, afraid of conflict that comes naturally with my style. So, in laymen terms, I am always either too quiet, or too outspoken. Never able to find that middle area.
.... Or so I tell myself.
All that jibber jabber in my mind..... I am apparently full of it.
My brain is a huuuuuuge bullshitter.
Case in point...
I noticed my crew was acting strange on the second day of filming. That kind of stuff really gets to me. I feel it in my heart. So the whole time, my mind was saying "oh no.... You did it again... You offended them, pissed them off, said the wrong thing... Same ol' you."
On and on this went in my head, the entire shoot and into the next week afterward.
It was enough negative crap floating in my mind to really get me down and out of the creative mindset. I took the advice I got from this forum, and decided to take a break from the project. I didn't touch any footage, didn't look at the internet sites, stayed away from social media. Cold turkey.
All those thoughts bothered me so much, I contacted a member of the crew and asked for their thoughts on my attitude/or if they noticed anything that 2nd day of filming.
They said I was really just overthinking it. The only thing I could really work on was to maybe be a little more demanding of quality. That's it.
After that, I thanked them for the feedback, and started realizing that all those negative thoughts were lies. Generated by my younger mindset, the mindset developed from past events. I let events from long ago catch up to me in the present and derail my creativity. Instead of focusing on how to avoid screwing up, I should have been focused on the task at hand.
TLDUF;
Get away from your own thoughts or opinions about your project or your work, and focus on getting into and wrapped up in the art itself. Sometimes, the inner critic is the one that is the most damaging to your work.
There must be a fine balance between following your heart, and repelling the drama of your mind.
I also hope being honest and open helps other filmmakers. I have no delusions that I am "a great" or high on my horse. Only spouting what comes to mind. I've always been that way.
That said, my past attitude has put a shield up in my life. When meeting new people, I always tread lightly, in an attempt to not repeat past mistakes and offend them with my candid and up front behavior. My tact level is limited, but its what makes me, me.
The real problem comes when I try too hard to behave like someone else. I get quiet, afraid to offend, afraid of conflict that comes naturally with my style. So, in laymen terms, I am always either too quiet, or too outspoken. Never able to find that middle area.
.... Or so I tell myself.
All that jibber jabber in my mind..... I am apparently full of it.
My brain is a huuuuuuge bullshitter.
Case in point...
I noticed my crew was acting strange on the second day of filming. That kind of stuff really gets to me. I feel it in my heart. So the whole time, my mind was saying "oh no.... You did it again... You offended them, pissed them off, said the wrong thing... Same ol' you."
On and on this went in my head, the entire shoot and into the next week afterward.
It was enough negative crap floating in my mind to really get me down and out of the creative mindset. I took the advice I got from this forum, and decided to take a break from the project. I didn't touch any footage, didn't look at the internet sites, stayed away from social media. Cold turkey.
All those thoughts bothered me so much, I contacted a member of the crew and asked for their thoughts on my attitude/or if they noticed anything that 2nd day of filming.
They said I was really just overthinking it. The only thing I could really work on was to maybe be a little more demanding of quality. That's it.
After that, I thanked them for the feedback, and started realizing that all those negative thoughts were lies. Generated by my younger mindset, the mindset developed from past events. I let events from long ago catch up to me in the present and derail my creativity. Instead of focusing on how to avoid screwing up, I should have been focused on the task at hand.
TLDUF;
Get away from your own thoughts or opinions about your project or your work, and focus on getting into and wrapped up in the art itself. Sometimes, the inner critic is the one that is the most damaging to your work.
There must be a fine balance between following your heart, and repelling the drama of your mind.