compositing Feedback needed

I have been working on this commercial for my old squad building. I need a fresh pair of eyes to watch it. Also feedback for the music if you want to. give the song a listen. I used Brian Eno Music for airports samples for the piano piece. Collor correction is still very basic.

 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Is there some kind of language barrier here ?"STOPT AL OF THERE ACTIVITYS" has 4 incorrect words in it. the only word in this sentence that is correct is the word "of'" (Stopped All of Their Activities)

Also i think youre too slow at fading in the second half of the sentences.. i am fast reading and i'm getting bored.
I read the first sentence. get bored for two seconds. wait for the second to appear. repeat. too much boredom.

speed it up and let me read at a normal pace instead of a snails pace.

i'm not a fan of the walt music at the beginning. it sounds like the moonlight sonata except worse.. therefore it makes me wish i was listening to moonlight sonata instead.

i think youre relying too much on an active, mindful audience thats gonna be glued to every frame... its not always like that when people watch - ESPECIALLY for commercials. You need to have a narrator reading those text lines IMO.
 
THX for the correction of spelling. I will test out Narration, The original had the Narration, was not sure if it would work for this one. I will also look into the fades and sentences. Its my first waltz's I composed...... I will see if I can replace or improve it.
 

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
THX for the correction of spelling. I will test out Narration, The original had the Narration, was not sure if it would work for this one. I will also look into the fades and sentences. Its my first waltz's I composed...... I will see if I can replace or improve it.
The waltz isnt bad - it just doesn't compare to the most legendary genius of Beethovens most famous work ya know ?
If it didnt remind me of moonlight sonata i wouldn't have had any problem.

Hope my criticism leads to some improvements ! Keep at it
 
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