Very good, visual creativity is surprisingly rare.
You need to integrate some slow motion shots into this, maybe create some new scenes, add transitions (you aren't being too creative with your transitions),
Taller thinner male model, younger female model with no skin flaws. Very important to companies like these to have a very clean looking face. This actress did a fine job, but has minor skin flaws. You can fix it in post by rotoscoping a mild blur if you wish.
You need to go further with your camera angles. There are no close up shots while they are dancing. They dance, but it's missing the eye to eye connection that you get in movie dance scenes. You need to see from their expressions that they are into it.
You're trying to link the experience of wearing this perfume to a romantic fantasy, so it seems like it should be a little less sterile in it's presentation. I never see a scene in this where a character's eves convey much to me. A situation is represented, it's all on target, but no nuance yet.
Modeling agencies can get you a good quality model like you'd see on an NBC spot for around 500 a day. Maybe less.
Rent pro equipment for a single day, and that's no more than 3 grand for something like this. That'll get you Micheal Bay screen Quality for 1 day on a very small scale.
So taking this concept, putting 4 grand into it, and a lot of post time and grading time, You could have a resume item that would get you hired into commercial work very quickly.
I'm picking your work apart because you are so close to getting it right. So don't take it as an insult. Quite the opposite, I'm giving you hard criticism because that's all you need to make it to your destination at this point. (that and some cash) (as long as your intended destination is paid film work, an assumption)
