Battle Royale

Topic...... Which movie star would emerge the last man standing in a battle royale set in modern day LA?

Here are the candidates

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Jean Claude Van Damme.

He harnesses the power of martial arts to kick foes into objects. His training is such that regardless of the dimensions of an object, JCVD can kick a person into it.

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The Rock.

The Rock has pretended to fight people from every corner of the world, a formidable physical giant who is not afraid to smash a folding chair over the head of anyone paid in advance to take a dive on camera, but how would he fare in an actual fight on the streets of LA?

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Christopher Walken

Hollywood legends speak of a man who can get any role in town by performing a bizarre and hypnotic series of dance maneuvers he learned from a forgotten tome archeologists found in the Bermuda triangle while searching for Dan Cortez's career. This mind control technique is coupled with a strange style of speaking in 6/8 time, which many believe can be used to put unwary victims into a trance. An easily underestimated competitor with a significant chance to win.

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Jason Momoa

He apparently works out a lot, and there is no question that hand to hand, he would be a formidable competitor. But can he fly a helicopter or shoot a rocket launcher? We don't know. For some reason, likely unrelated to his hair and voice, producers keep casting him as some sort of "Biome Man" either living in the forest, desert, or under the ocean. Considering that this battle takes place in a human city, one might imagine Momoa being a bit out of his elements.

Burgess Meredith

Often confused with "My Favorite Martian" actor Ray Watson, Burgess may not look like a survivor, but he certainly was one. His Hollywood career began almost a century ago, when people had to walk to the casting agency, 20 miles in the snow there and back, and uphill both ways. fighting off grizzly bears and other 1920s California hazards with only his determination, and a bottle of soda with a lot of cocaine in it that he bought at a gas station.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger

A crowd favorite for many obvious reasons, Arnold lives and breathes this type of situation, and as a former Governor of California, he likely knows his way around. He does however face one major disadvantage, a powerful nemesis that will no doubt target him first.

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Sly Stallone

No other celebrity has spent the sheer amount of time that Stallone has throwing Molotov cocktails from horseback. It's the kind of thing that could really give him a competitive edge in the fight. He's out for revenge against Arnold, stemming from a decades old prank in which Arnold tricked him into thinking that "Stop, or my Mom will Shoot" was going to be the next big thing.

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Sigourney Weaver

Famous for hijacking construction equipment and using it to kill everything except herself on multiple occasions, some say Weaver has the experience that many others lack. LA is basically wall to wall construction equipment, and it's obvious that she will have a type of "home court advantage" due to this.


Meg Foster

This person is obviously the devil, and everyone knew that since she started showing up in drama movies with glowing blue snake eyes. Everybody out there has a gimmick, and somehow it's just gone unnoticed amongst the circus of LA. There's a rumor that if a waiter brings Meg Foster too many napkins, later on that waiters entire family ends up on reality shows on TLC. An unmerciful supernatural being that gives children nightmares and famously kept the movie "they live" from winning an Oscar.

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CCH Pounder

Her special ability is to instantly sound like the smartest person in the room. A dangerously influential person who knows how to control any situation wile appearing to be a secondary character. Her direct and focused intellect have lead many to believe that she might simply outsmart everyone else in the contest.

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Johnny Knoxville

While not particularly physically impressive, a case could be made that Knoxville has been training for this event his entire life. Those close to him say that he has mastered the art of taking a punch, falling down flights of stairs, and being shot out of cannons, and is looking to up his game by being shot many times and somehow surviving. This could be his chance.

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Uma Thurman

Thurman is famously adept at battle royale combat, frequently favoring an ancient samurai sword, likely because it's so difficult to find guns in LA. She was shot in the head, got into a car crash, and got drunk with Quintin Tarantino, and is still somehow alive unlike most others who found themselves in similar situations. This apparent immortality, combined with her athleticism and bloodlust mean that she cannot be easily discounted.

Personally I'd bet on Meg Foster. Ever since the first time I saw her, I've been expecting lasers to shoot out of her eyes and vaporize people.

This is an actual unedited photo of Meg Foster


How do you shoot a photo in 2022 and have it come out looking like it's been sitting in a frame on the fireplace at the Amityville house since before the murders started?

Secondarily, how was she never in an x men movie?

I also think she could have made a pretty good General Zod in Man of Steel. Though obviously no one can ever compete with Terrence Stamp.
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Alan Ritchson as Jack Reacher. Hands down.

When he was a kid, Reacher's mother made him promise (just Reacher, even his mother just called him Reacher) to give them a chance to walk away. Reacher never starts a fight but he always finishes it. And he likes to get his retaliation in first, lol.

from the list, of course Jason Momoa. Especially if he gets to use his giant fork.
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I was very confused when they hired this guy to play the Tom Cruise character, who was just over 5'2" and weighed 118 lb. This series wasn't too bad though, better than I expected.

As far as the trident thing, I don't know if he's allowed to use it on land or not, or if the justice league even has such bylaws. It's a complicated call with competitors such as Burgess Merideth and the Rock in play.


Staff Member
rock is so strong he can take down the entire DCU
BTW I was making a joke about news saying he got henry cavil fired by poorly influencing exeuctive decisions

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I was more riffing on how weak the whole DCU is in general.

That last Batman film and Wonder Woman 1984, and also Justice League, and basically everything for several years has been kind of the nail in the coffin for me. The new movies are too commercial, designed by committee. They don't have what guitarists call "Feeling". It's not impossible, Marvel pulls it off every third time or so.

Also Steve Buscemi was Nucky Thompson in Boardwalk empire, so he has played a really dangerous character, but a lot of people never watched that show for some reason.
I was very confused when they hired this guy to play the Tom Cruise character, who was just over 5'2" and weighed 118 lb. This series wasn't too bad though, better than I expected.

Yup. Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher was one of the biggest mis-casting disasters I can think of. I saw a thing on the you tube with Stephen King and Lee Child (Reacher's creator--now 17 or so books) on stage talking about Reacher. Stephen was there, and delighted to be so, not to talk about himself or his work in any way, but because, as a reader, he just gets a tremendous kick out of Reacher.

Anyway, Child half-heartedly defended Tom Cruise as somehow being Reacher in spirit, and King and the audience collectively, indulgently, rolled their eyes: If you say so.

Anyway, like Stephen, and many many others, I too get a tremendous kick out of Reacher. And the great thing about the Amazon Reacher series is that Nick Santora, the show runner, does too. The Reacher books aren't treated as inconsequential material to be mined, and Lee Child's Reacher, a character unique in the genre, is honored as the raison d'ĂȘtre of the whole thing.
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Personally I'd bet on Meg Foster. Ever since the first time I saw her, I've been expecting lasers to shoot out of her eyes and vaporize people.


How about Anna Taylor Joy, Queen of the Lizard People, with eyes on the side of her head. (Not complaining, by the way, lol)
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Oh, and re. Burgess Meredith (and I think we should all pause to reflect on what a cool name Burgess Meredith is) he has an Achilles' heel: he, like Fearless Fly, is helpless without his glasses.

(Edit: I thought it was Underdog, lol. Nope, I remember now--Fearless Fly: "My glasses, my glasses! I'm helpless without my glasses!" )
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