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format ask for help-Standard script

I am a screenwriter from China, I'm not familiar with standard script.

I wrote a script - Paris of hero, and then commissioned someone to modify it into a standard format script.

But now I need to add 6 pages to the script,

I sincerely ask professional writers to help me put the added content into my script.

Thank you very much for your help!
 

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He wrote more but already paid to have it structured properly so wants this shoehorned in.
 
我愿意提供帮助。

为什么还需要6页。
I also wrote another script, but not a standard format script!
We are looking for assessment and feedback. There is a preliminary assessment that I can attach below.

Please read

NITIAL ASSESSMENT

TITLE The Warriors Come Back GENRE Action/Adventure

WRITER(S) Peng Chao CIRCA Present

SUBMITTED BY Peng Chao LOCATION Various

FORM / PAGES Feature/102 BUDGET High

DATE September 23, 2020

LOGLINE

A veteran of the war in Afghanistan finds a new way to serve his country upon returning home, only to be swept up in a bold new frontier of intergalactic struggle.

COMMENTS

Thank you, Peng, for sending over The Warriors Come Back. At this point, I am fully aware that you are an inventive scribe with a knack for creating high concept action with pulse pounding sequences. There are a handful of issues I noticed which hold the script back from reaching the height of its potential, some more serious than others --specifically as it pertains to the story's technical aspects and plot.

Firstly, as with Hero Of Paris, the script is peppered with a huge number of formatting errors, that I would aim to correct first-thing with my polish. Once more, the script's margins, fonts, spacing, and overall layout is completely off, without properly split up dialogue, locations, or action. It almost reads like a long uninterrupted stream of nonstop text. This reads more like a synopsis document -- or even a novel -- as opposed to a proper screenplay, which would present a significant red flag for industry readers. Additionally, the grammar and spelling is peppered with many typos and errors. A large portion of the script is written in the past tense, rather than the present, which is another problem. Also, I would advise against including the lengthy synopsis at the top of the script. That sort of thing should be sent in separately amongst your pitch materials; not within the text of the script itself. It's also not advised to include the genres and log-line on the title page.

Moving forward, the characters are not given proper introductions, making it difficult to picture these individuals in my mind's eye. Instead, a proper character intro should give the reader a sense of how these people look, their ages, and some inkling of their personality.

The other issue here is that the characters' voices remained overly similar to one another. To rectify this, I would suggest giving each role their own unique set of behavioral quirks and speech patterns so as to ensure that they are identifiable based on their verbiage alone.

That said, the actual narrative of the script works quite well. The plot was intriguing and moved along at a nice clip. It was clear you had done your research very thoroughly, as your understanding of military tactics and procedures felt very realistic. As such, I never once questioned your handling of this world you brought to life so vividly. That said, the pacing feels a bit off at times. I think we spend too much time in Afghanistan, and reaching LA at page 30 is a little late in the game. I'd suggest trimming down some of the opening thirty pages to allow us to reach this point slightly sooner.

Next, the sequence with the "Ant King" was quite jarring in its surreal nature. Up until now the script was very grounded and lifelike, so adding something this extremely eccentric and otherworldly doesn't quite gel with the tone of the piece in my opinion.

The addition of aliens into the plot can work, but the way its handled now doesn't play properly. This would need to be set up as a thread and mentioned earlier on so it does not feel arbitrary and confusing. The same goes for the dragons. As written, it feels like we're reading one type of script, and then shifting into an entire different genre. Unfortunately, from a commercial standpoint, this would be very limiting in Hollywood.

If I may be frank, I would say that the story you are trying to tell is best suited to the format of a novel. Unfortunately, in the film industry, what big-shots in the film industry look for are concepts that can be easily pitched and sold to an audience. That doesn’t mean these ideas can’t be fresh or inventive, but they are usually expected to conform to one or two familiar genres for the sake of packaging and marketing. Here, you have a script that has many bright spots— but one that is also very difficult to describe in a succinct manner. Is it a war thriller? A sci-fi epic? A surrealist drama? Since the tonality vacillated frequently from humor to drama and back, I was often unsure how I was supposed to feel about what was occurring on screen.
 
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