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watch Artorius' Shorts

A

Artorius

I just decided to start a thread wherein I can post my work. Today I'm going to be posting a couple of shorts I wrote/directed. They're not the best quality, and both are from last year, but I thought now would be as good a time as ever to get feedback and constructive criticism. Thank you for watching and please leave comments!

Squirrel Cop

Dark Owl

And if you guys need any clarification on an idea, shot choice, etc. please feel free to ask! Dark Owl was filmed in SD on a Panasonic SD MiniDV camcorder. Squirrel Cop was shot in HD also on a Panasonic Camcorder, though I don't know the exact kind. It takes standard SD cards.
 
I watched squirrel cop. :44 seconds of opening credits on a short film is a major blunder. No one cares to see names of people they do not know at the onset. The next :30 seconds did not have compelling contents to make me keep watching. Quit at 1:15. Sorry.
 
The titles are good.

The squirrel and owl costumes are horrible.

The acting is bad.

You should use Wonder Woman as a benchmark for a campy super hero comedy.

Also, if you didn't license the rights to Heart and Law And Order's music, you'd better get original music before they sue you.
 
Thanks to both of you for the replies.

@GuerillaAngel The Credits were put together and edited in by my Digital Multimedia teacher. As for the caring factor, if you weren't into it you weren't into it. Thanks for the input.

@MDMP The costumes were purchased on a modest budget for my Digital Multimedia class. Sadly our budget doesn't replenish every year. All of it was spent on our high definition camcorder on which Squirrel Cop was shot. As for actors, we don't really have dedicated actors at our high school. We're a small private school with a non-existent drama department. I find myself having to act in my own shorts quite a bit, which I don't particularly enjoy. If you were wondering- I was the "Chief" character. As for the licensed music- that is just spoofing L&O, but I do understand now that it could potentially damage what I am trying to do. Can simply using it in the context of a learning environment like this still elicit a lawsuit?

Finally, are there any glaring technical errors, or areas I should work on in the immediate future?
 
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Man, that Squirrel Cop is all over the place. If there's an area to look at first, it's probably the script. There's a lot of recognisable parodies & stereotypes in there (which is fine) but it needs its own legs to stand on, as well.

What's next? :)
 
I wouldn't take chances with copyrighted music owned by powerful people. Don't you have a student music composer who can help?

Your issues finding serious actors goes beyond high school. There is a percentage of independent actors like that too.
 
Zensteve said:
Man, that Squirrel Cop is all over the place. If there's an area to look at first, it's probably the script. There's a lot of recognisable parodies & stereotypes in there (which is fine) but it needs its own legs to stand on, as well.

What's next? :)
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Well! I created these for a monthly variety show which airs the last friday of every month in my school gym. We produce student news, skits, and student of the month announcements. The main problem with preproduction on these shorts was, well, there was none! :lol: The script was literally written on the spot, which was mainly my fault. I've learned from that and become a much better script writer this year. I've written and co-directed another short recently for this class. It is a "The Campaign" type of political comedy, but based on high school student government. I'll have that one posted soon! These shorts are all basically shot 45 minutes at a time (our average class period length) over a week's time. What makes it hard is we only own four cameras. Two being the ones I shot "Dark Owl" and "Squirrel Cop" on and the other two being Sony Webbies, which are total crap. Considering we have a class of almost 30 students, camera time is tightly regulated as well!

@Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC- As for the copyrighted music, I'll be sure to have that checked out to avoid lawsuit. Sadly, no we don't have a student composer either. Going to a very small private school, all our departments are very limited in terms of size. We have an orchestra, a pep band, and a choir, but unfortunately no composers in the music program. I recently discovered Archive.org which contains public domain footage and music. I believe I'll be utilizing that a lot more for music.
 
Artorius said:
I recently discovered Archive.org which contains public domain footage and music. I believe I'll be utilizing that a lot more for music.
Click to expand...

There are several musicians & composers on this site, many of whom have a selection of free music to use, as well as regular affordable tracks. Tune Peddler, Metal Renard & Jewel Beat are three that come to mind immediately. You should look 'em up! :cool:

camera time is tightly regulated
Click to expand...

All the more reason to get a real handle on pre-production, so every minute on set can count.

Will check out the new vids, when they're ready. :)
 
Hey guys! I finally have some new footage for your viewing pleasure! (or displeasure :lol: ) This was shot mostly on a Panasonic GH2 with a Sigma 19mm lens. However, the last scene in the parking lot was shot with a Panasonic camcorder. Had a sound recorder with plugged in boom mic for sound. It is a short mockumentary styled "television" spot. As with my previous postings, these were produced for "Husky Vision" a monthly news and variety show produced by the Digital Filmmaking class at my high school. This short was shot over two days (there was a hard dead line and I just returned from knee surgery). This is my first foray into DSLR filmmaking! I would love any and all criticism! Here is the link. The show itself starts at 21:15, though you are welcome to watch the whole episode of Husky Vision!

http://www.youtube.com/user/FPAhuskyvision
 
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I'm back with a new short. Well, one scene from my new short. Its going to run about 30 minutes when done. However, we just finished filming this scene this weekend and my editor came back with a rough cut today. We're going to continue shooting this weekend and possibly next week. I just wanted to get some early production feedback so I know how to possibly improve for later in the shoot! Again, please critique framing, lighting, sound, etc. Me and my editor will continue to refine the editing within the scene. Thank you!

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://youtu.be/1WBhWh1apUQ&h=MAQEc2Lod
 
I have a new short here. Shot with my GH2. Please critique. Be as harsh as you please. My main lens was a Sigma 19mm, this was supplemented by a SMC Takumar 55 f2. It was unhacked. This was shot over three days. Well, here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NV2F43g8tTY

Please refrain from commenting on the video itself. A couple of my actors might be self conscious so refer all your comments to this thread.
 
A minute and 20 seconds of opening credits of no-name people for a short. I quit watching at that point. You're a nobody -- you've got to get into the meat ASAP! If that was your name we saw twice in the first 10 seconds, you've GOT to put the ego aside for the stake of the film.
 
Slow and uninteresting. I know that sounds rough, but I'm just being honest. I didn't last two and a half minutes.

Credits listing people we don't know? CUT IT.
Characters walking and driving around in the dark not doing anything interesting? CUT IT.
Noisy, unappealing shots of nighttime landscapes that don't move the story forward in any way? CUT IT.

Good luck.
 
GuerrillaAngel said:
A minute and 20 seconds of opening credits of no-name people for a short. I quit watching at that point. You're a nobody -- you've got to get into the meat ASAP! If that was your name we saw twice in the first 10 seconds, you've GOT to put the ego aside for the stake of the film.
Click to expand...

I will say that I was not the editor and did not create the credits. I do understand that opening credits for a no name short are excessive though. I'll keep that in mind for my next short. Thanks for the feedback everyone.
 
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