archived-videos Strong Arm of the Law - Critique Please

[levisurfer]

Hi
I am a hobbyist / indie filmmaker and have just completed my first short film STRONG ARM OF THE LAW.
After an initial and very receptive showing at the Southampton Film Festival where it received great appreciation and an award for Best Costume Design, I have failed to be able to secure it a showing in any other festivals since that one in October 2013 - either here in the UK or in Europe.
Maybe it's because it is a cine poem and does not fit neatly into either a short narrative film or a music video.
When I do ask for feedback from the Festivals all I get is " the standard of entries was very high this year and the judges had a hard time deciding". Great!
I filmed this alone with little budget - only paying basic expenses for talent, props etc
I used a Canon EOS 650 D / Rebel T4i DSLR fitted with a Rodeo VideoMic for background sounds.
The music track is by Aaron Watson.
Here is the private link to the video
http://youtu.be/FgKrPQgfdMk

Here are is the link to the "official" website for more info, pics and trailers.
www.paulv.co.uk

Any comments would be really useful as I really want to progress my skills and am already working on a story / script for my next project.

Many thanks in anticipation
Paul Vernon

 

[baoliun]

Cool stuff for first short! ;p

Try to get hold of a graduated ND or polariser filter. This should solve the blow out sky problem. If that is not possible,try to shoot sunrises/sunsets,silhouetting the foreground.

With a better camera you might not get such white sky,but with DSLR it is essential to control the image in camera

 

[BruceDowns]

Well done! I really enjoyed it!!

 

[levisurfer]

Cool stuff for first short! ;p

Try to get hold of a graduated ND or polariser filter. This should solve the blow out sky problem. If that is not possible,try to shoot sunrises/sunsets,silhouetting the foreground.

With a better camera you might not get such white sky,but with DSLR it is essential to control the image in camera

Thanks for this.
I did have an ND Filter on for most of the shoot as I was shooting at 1/50th all throughout - yes it was bright!
Can you point out a couple of specifics - i.e. timings, so I can check and then correct that for my next project.
I did not use any additional lighting - just a reflector from time to time to fill in the actors face, but I agree I did have to push it a bit in post as sometimes the actor was too dark for some shots - hence the possible blow out in the sky ?
Thanks again for taking the time to review the footage and comment.
paul

 

[levisurfer]

Thanks Bruce , for this
paul

 

[baoliun]

A graduated ND affects only half of the frame,usually top slowly transitioning into transparent glass. Hence you are able to hold colour in the sky without it blowing out,while foreground stays at same exposure

 

[Zensteve]

I have failed to be able to secure it a showing in any other festivals since that one in October 2013 - either here in the UK or in Europe.

I wouldn't submit to top-tier festivals, but there are dozens of somewhat-decent filmfests in the US who'd love to have a cool cowboy short film in their lineup.

You need to do a lot of work on your lighting skills. Many of the shots have been exposed for the background, leaving the objects (including faces/people) in foreground terribly under-exposed. Also, sometimes you have objects straddling bright light & shaded areas - just pick one or the other, especially when working with a DSLR with a relatively small range of latitude.

I really dug some of the sunset shots; especially the final shot. Giddyup!

The only thing that really irked me was the cowboy's buzz-cut hairstyle. Really stood out as being anachronistic when he runs his hand over his head, towards the end. Just nit-picky, but whatever.

Good job. What's next?

.

 

[sfoster]

The story was about this kids dad dying and him getting vengeance. for whatever reason i didn't feel tension or sadness when the dad died at the beginning.

i thought it was estrange the hero got shot from behind near the end, but when walking away there was no visible blood.. only visible from the front but he was shot from behind.

i think also you could have included more story there during the music with the visuals. instead of him just roaming around he could have been doing stuff. maybe some foot tracking, and a small chase scene and the guy gets away near the beginning. finally at the end he has no where left to go.

all just ideas. i can't say for sure why the emotions didn't come across for me, but the death didn't mean anything to me for some reason at the start or the end

one or two shots had noticeably less quality than the others.
the town really looked like footage your purchased or downloaded somewhere because the showdown was by some trees

 

[levisurfer]

A graduated ND affects only half of the frame,usually top slowly transitioning into transparent glass. Hence you are able to hold colour in the sky without it blowing out,while foreground stays at same exposure

Thanks for the example. It really helps demonstrate your point.
Strangely enough I used to have a host of filters when I had my Canon EOS10. i will have to dig them out again and experiment. Appreciate the advice

 

[levisurfer]

The story was about this kids dad dying and him getting vengeance. for whatever reason i didn't feel tension or sadness when the dad died at the beginning.

I know the track moved at quite a pace but I tend to agree the Son didn't show much emotion at the death of his Pa.

i thought it was estrange the hero got shot from behind near the end, but when walking away there was no visible blood.. only visible from the front but he was shot from behind.

Agreed 100% - well spotted. It should have been a winging / creasing of the Ranger's arm - so his shirt should have been ripped with the bullet and blood shown at the edge of his arm. Hence why no great concern when he was sitting on his horse or under the tree.

i think also you could have included more story there during the music with the visuals. instead of him just roaming around he could have been doing stuff. maybe some foot tracking, and a small chase scene and the guy gets away near the beginning. finally at the end he has no where left to go.

I tend to agree again although we were constrained by the lyrics of the song telling the story.

all just ideas. i can't say for sure why the emotions didn't come across for me, but the death didn't mean anything to me for some reason at the start or the end

A shame, those are directing skills I need to develop.

one or two shots had noticeably less quality than the others.

Can you give examples? i think I know the ones but would love to see if they are the same shots as yours.

the town really looked like footage your purchased or downloaded somewhere because the showdown was by some trees

Yes - ideally we wanted the shootout in a town ( as per the lyrics) but they wanted $750 a day for the cheapest town!

Thanks for all the comments here - feedback like this is really helpful
Paul

 

[levisurfer]

.[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't submit to top-tier festivals, but there are dozens of somewhat-decent filmfests in the US who'd love to have a cool cowboy short film in their lineup.

We are hoping to get its US premiere in Jerome, Arizona - not far from where it was filmed. After that we may well look at other smaller US Festivals. Yes the UK and European festivals do not seem keen on westerns!

You need to do a lot of work on your lighting skills. Many of the shots have been exposed for the background, leaving the objects (including faces/people) in foreground terribly under-exposed. Also, sometimes you have objects straddling bright light & shaded areas - just pick one or the other, especially when working with a DSLR with a relatively small range of latitude.

I am going to have to look at this again. Working alone has its limitations and in this respect it's the lighting that seems to have suffered most. We tried to use a reflector on a few occasions with limited success.

I really dug some of the sunset shots; especially the final shot. Giddyup!

many thanks - we waited and waited for that!

The only thing that really irked me was the cowboy's buzz-cut hairstyle. Really stood out as being anachronistic when he runs his hand over his head, towards the end. Just nit-picky, but whatever.

Thats great! Toby just wanted to look cool! LOL Sorry it irked

Good job. What's next?

Hopefully another western, building on the learning from this western and improving. Maybe more dialogue next time with a developed story rather than relying on a music track. Hopefully using semi- pro actors rather than locals and improving the acting, lighting, continuity and most of all directing!
Thanks for the comments and support - all really useful. paul

.

 

[levisurfer]

Thanks - Strong Arm Of The Law

Just a few lines to say thanks for your comments and suggestions.

I have replied to all those who have written but i don't know if you received them.

I have taken note of what was said, accounted for my decisions where i thought I had a justified case, submitted when I knew I was beaten and bowed in respect to those whose suggestions I will try and follow next time.

It was a great project for me and my 60th birthday treat to myself,and I do appreciate the time you have taken in watching the video and commenting.
Thanks

Paul
www.paulv.co.uk

 

[gorillaonabike]

Just a few lines to say thanks for your comments and suggestions.

I have replied to all those who have written but i don't know if you received them.

I have taken note of what was said, accounted for my decisions where i thought I had a justified case, submitted when I knew I was beaten and bowed in respect to those whose suggestions I will try and follow next time.

It was a great project for me and my 60th birthday treat to myself,and I do appreciate the time you have taken in watching the video and commenting.
Thanks

Paul
www.paulv.co.uk

I'm coming to this conversation a little late but firstly, congratulations on completing your first short which looked promising for the future (not that I'm a great talent etc...)

Love the idea of a good Western.

Don't know if these comments are useful but if I purely focus on the elements which I personally would have changed (and it's really easy to say this from the sidelines...), these would have been:

1. Emotion: I didn't 'feel.' Same as everyone else
2. Graduated ND filters necessary all the way through
3. Colouring.
4. Shots: Needed more mobile shots.
5. Editing was OK but felt 'clumsy' at times, unnatural. It felt forced in a couple of places.

I know less is more but in some cases, I think more can be more. You cut this to the bone with a lot of sharpness about it but a little more lingering on the emotional moments would have produced more of an emotional response.

That could just nonsense, though!

 

[Toxoiid]

I thought the overall narrative of the film was pretty good. Could it have used a little more development before you killed the father? Sure, but I'm not going to focus on that.

I wanted to add my two cents about some shots. Some shots where good, others were a little too bland for my taste. Maybe if you added a little more color, or did a sky replacement; that would have made the shot more interesting.

Overall, you did a good job. Loved the sunset shot at the end.

 

[levisurfer]

I thought the overall narrative of the film was pretty good. Could it have used a little more development before you killed the father? Sure, but I'm not going to focus on that.

I wanted to add my two cents about some shots. Some shots where good, others were a little too bland for my taste. Maybe if you added a little more color, or did a sky replacement; that would have made the shot more interesting.

Overall, you did a good job. Loved the sunset shot at the end.

Thanks for your comments.
I am pleased the final shot impressed bit what about these "bland" shots? The sky was a faded blue a lot of the time sop tricky to pull out any definition without the filters.
Can you point out a couple of these shots? I hope to take more filters with me next time to help bring out the colour, or if anyone is using Final Cut Pro 10.1 some tips would be good on bring out the sky without altering the foreground too much?
Thanks again - I appreciate the critique.
P

 

[levisurfer]

I'm coming to this conversation a little late but firstly, congratulations on completing your first short which looked promising for the future (not that I'm a great talent etc...)

Love the idea of a good Western.

Don't know if these comments are useful but if I purely focus on the elements which I personally would have changed (and it's really easy to say this from the sidelines...), these would have been:

1. Emotion: I didn't 'feel.' Same as everyone else
2. Graduated ND filters necessary all the way through
3. Colouring.
4. Shots: Needed more mobile shots.
5. Editing was OK but felt 'clumsy' at times, unnatural. It felt forced in a couple of places.

I know less is more but in some cases, I think more can be more. You cut this to the bone with a lot of sharpness about it but a little more lingering on the emotional moments would have produced more of an emotional response.

That could just nonsense, though!

Thanks - and no, it is not nonsense. It is your opinion and that counts.
I take the points you make.
Emotion was tricky to pull out of the actors with the short time we had together - and maybe I am not good enough at that yet and also the actors were all amateurs.
Grad filters - working on that for next time
Colouring . Hmm - I thought 'd done a decent job with that ...any suggestions where and how i could have improved it?
Mobile shots. I took a short glider but it was too clumsy and time consuming to set up for our limited shooting schedule. I love tracking and crane shots bit no resources with me on out very limited budget.
Clumsy editing? Ouch! That hurt. Unnatural and forced? Can you point out where please - Just give me a couple of places on the time frame for me to check. I spent hours! editing

Anyhow I think you liked it, and if you are interested I do have a 17 minute version where I did try and pull some emotion out of the ranger. pete me have your email address and I'll send the private link to that longer edit.
Thanks again for your feedback - it is greatly appreciated.
Paul

 

[FantasyFilmProductions]

Two things jumped out. Firstly as the others have mentioned you need to colour correct most of this footage. A lot of the shots looked like they had gone straight from camera to post. But in saying that I understand at 60 that learning the finer intricacies of very complicated software could be difficult. Even for me at half your age and 2 coffees down I struggle so please don't feel like I am being a judgemental prick . Colour grading is difficult.

My second point would be that your young actor aged substantially, but your bad guy looked exactly the same. Some grey streaking through his hair, and a new style of facial fuzz would have added realism to it, and perhaps given room to show that the bad man had matured into a fully fledged old bad ass. I might have given the bad guy more skill at the end too as he had many years on our young shooter...as a viewer I might like to watch the age old struggle of deciding whether age and experience of the bad man will win out over the youth and speed of the good guy. Letting that question hang in the air for a moment as they size eachother up could give more tension.

Other issues have been mentioned by others so I won't go over them.

But with all of that said, I liked what you did. I liked the music, I liked the story. I liked the scenery and I liked the outfits, they fit well. My only other suggestion would be that next time you make one of these, take your time.

I took a quick look at the trailer also...I'll tell you something. Your little film just got viewed here in New Zealand