Writing a coherent story

[amld]

Dear god I want to f**king kill myself already.
I am on my final year of film school, Trying to create my masterpiece but I keep being told "your images are strong, but you need to write a coherent story". I don't give up. I wrote story after story after story. They all involved a guy that sees a warped version of reality, they all had 3 story arcs, Things make perfect sense in my mind but when I see it to my teachers they are scratching their heads.

I've been told today that maybe I should choose some tale, joke or song that I like and give it my own spin. I might do that but I can't shake this feeling of wanting to tell my own story. For the last month and a half I've been writing and drawing storyboard everyday, all day long. Something should have paid off didn't it?

And whats making me the most crazy is that they expected me to succeed, they believed in me and I feel like i've failed them and myself, while doing my very best.

Can anyone help me make a coherent story in this last attempt before I'll be made to make something that I didn't come up with?

Thank you.

 

[knightly]

We use cliches as short cuts to story telling... we don't have the time in a short to develop, so we use shared experiences to pack more information into a scene without having to put it all on screen.

TV: Story telling is a technical aspect... turning pictures in one's head into something that an audience can understand CAN be taught. And from what I've seen at the college level, often NEEDS to be taught (no offense intended to anyone I've worked with in the past, or watched).

A carpenter can spend years randomly cutting and nailing boards together and never make anything you can sit on... but with a little instruction and a solid structure, you have a chair that can be used and enjoyed by others. Hammering randomly can bring enjoyment to the carpenter, but building a solid chair can be enjoyed by many others. That can be taught. If the carpenter is creative, they will put their own spin on their useable chair... making it artistic.

 

[amld]

Do you think I should tell the story as-is, or give it some twists around the main story?
In example, the whole city is deserted and its only the two of them there.

 

[knightly]

Straight up... from what I gather, that's the point of the exercise. I don't think it needs to be overly complicated.

 

[amld]

its not an excercise. this is my final year film at animation school. It's 3-5 minutes animation short so everything's open and it's all up to me. i'm trying to think if this is a story worth devoting my next 7 sleepless months for.

 

[knightly]

Then I guess it depends on whether or not you're able to live with it or that long... I, personally, think you can work on a simpler one with more detail than having to rush on a more complicated one... this will be in your portfolio, so you want it to REALLY LOOK GOOD!

 

[amld]

true

 

[thevision]

Thank knightly! Though I already have my doubts creeping in.. isn't the story a cliche?

The vision - I like your story so far, but it's a whole different story than then one I wanted to tell!
Plus its a 3d animation 3 minute film with no dialogue so no way all that will fit. I appreciate your help though!

Hey no problem, if its a short film with no dialogue (infact no dialog in general) . but not always to the norm works best with comdedy.

Maybe make your character not the smartest character, but still in unknowing ways avoids situations.

without him even knowing. (mr bean) not silent but no dialog much, silent films traditionally comedy.
charlie chaplin ect.

I'd go with comedy for sure if no dialog

even south park for years there biggest selling point was the comedy of who killed kenny with no dialog.

You can get away with condracition comedy , say if it was film maybe an orphan that doesn't have to be an orphan rich parents but wants to be with his friends. ( you would have to write that really well)

It would have to be written really family/comedy sense that gives heart to orphan, uplifting plus funny. animation sense. (cause you have the orphan overtone)

although now that i think about it would maybe work as have it in 3D an orphen dropped off by 3D parents that sill has money (but you still have the orphan temprement to a way)
u would have to have him uplift every orphan in the movie somehow a good message.

moral of the story movie so to speak. sounds like a tuff one to me , a movie with no dialog about an orphanage.

it , maybe you could do the family cross . condracitarry, a guy not so bright, but still with a good heart who uses his wealth to help the other orphans. but with no dialog is difficult.

 

[thevision]

I suppose you could go the sad option. I never tried a silent film, so no one in the whole story has dialog?

I'll give it a crack,

EXT . FRONT OF ORPHANAGE - NIGHT

We see a boy jake get dropped of by his parents in a rainy night - as the car drives off.

Jake walks threw the school gates, looks up in sadnesss - at this "big- eary - old church orphange".

the teacher (nun) walks out takes him inside - as the thunder cracks.

INT. ORPHANGE BEDROOM - NIGHT

Inside we see the orphan sit on his bed (then see the orphange nun close the door)

We see him continuing looking out the window NOT GOING TO SLEEP JUST SITTING ON THE BED (FASTFORWARD TIME)
as the rain turns to sunlight (morning) - AT THE WINDOW.

INT. ORPHANGE - MORNING

JAKE CONTINUES TO SIT , then around him, All the other orphan kids begin to wake up around him wiping there eyes yawning.

He sees everyone wake up and lys down quickly putting the blanket over him,

INT. UNDER BLANKET

Under the blanket see him with his eyes wide open shy, as he hears everyone around him scuffl.

EXT. OUTSIDE HIS BED
Kids walk past and notice this bump on the bed, also a young blonde haired girl notices it especially, as she goes back she looks back again.

As she she sees close up jake lift the blanket slightly with his eyes than close himself in the blankets again,

the nun pushes everyone threw the door - closes the door then lifts the blanket off jake

who gives a frieght

she grabs him by his ear and brings him out the door and slams it.

We are still inside the room as the camera pans to the window as birds fly outside.

INT. INSIDE BREAKFAST ORPHANGE ROOM (same time)

We look around and see orphange kids eating breakfast.

At a nearby door jacobs hiding, but the nun kicks him forward, which forces him to walk into the lunch room with a smiley grimace.

The entire lunchroom stops and stares, he looks around holding his but from where the nun just kicked him,

Close up we see the nun stand cross her arms in athority.

He goes up picks up a tray, and gets his lunch served by the evil breakfast lady (she's large overweight and overbearing)

she slaps his breakfast on his tray with a slam which almost makes him drop it.

People around the room laugh,

then with his tray goes to sit next to one group of people but they slide together , not letting him sit. He then tries another group of people to his left.

There is a spare seat but then someon slaps there hand down as he's about to sit.

jacob gives sigh...

as he looks around he sees that blonde girl wave him over.

he holds his tray with one hand and points to his chest as in (me)

close up she nods her head with a smile.

he walks over as he sits next to her with his tray next to her,

he goes to talk but she stops him and starts doing sign langueage and points to her tongue

she's obviously saying she can't talk

he doesn't know sign language and he points to himself and mimes

me , then dips his finger in his potato and writes on the table.

As he's writing we see CU the nun look over see whats going on but shurgs it off.

back to jake writing he writes jake

around the potato on the table she uses her finger and turnes it into a flower.

she smiles at him,

as he smiles back.

He then smiles in happyniess, as she smiles back

the camera then pans over to the window as we a bluebird on the window
camera pans out the window up to the nice shiney day

as across the screen writes with birds linking the words together


'ORPHANAGE" BREAKFAST. (linked with two blue birds flying)

then in white.

the end

FADE OUT

That shoudl be about 3 minutes?

 

[Philis]

Dear god I want to f**king kill myself already.
I am on my final year of film school, Trying to create my masterpiece but I keep being told "your images are strong, but you need to write a coherent story". I don't give up. I wrote story after story after story. They all involved a guy that sees a warped version of reality, they all had 3 story arcs, Things make perfect sense in my mind but when I see it to my teachers they are scratching their heads.

I've been told today that maybe I should choose some tale, joke or song that I like and give it my own spin. I might do that but I can't shake this feeling of wanting to tell my own story. For the last month and a half I've been writing and drawing storyboard everyday, all day long. Something should have paid off didn't it?

And whats making me the most crazy is that they expected me to succeed, they believed in me and I feel like i've failed them and myself, while doing my very best.

Can anyone help me make a coherent story in this last attempt before I'll be made to make something that I didn't come up with?

Thank you.

You'll get a million different answers and a million different arguments.

For me, a coherent story is one where a problem is solved. You can layer it in any number of ways - one character having to solve five problems or five characters each with a problem....

I take the hero's journey approach, so I would point you to Jo Campbell, Chris Vogler and Kal Bashir.

My husband does it this way - he'll just take a collection of incidents and string them together in some logical way. But he always finds that the stories end up like a hero's journey, so there's something to the idea of it tapping into the subconscious.