• READ BEFORE POSTING!
    • If posting a video, please post HERE, unless it is a video as part of an advertisement and then post it in this section.
    • If replying to threads please remember this is the Promotion area and the person posting may not be open to feedback.

watch West of Paradise- Short Film

@ 1:00 The Foley of the walking on rocks is no good. Was it because you couldn't see the feet because at 1:46 it looks/sounds better?? The mud on the truck looks "applied". The outer shirt is bloody but the under shirt is clean. Was he suppose to be shot?? At 6:56 the driver goes "good fellas" on us with the "I don'tmean no disrespect" bit. I was thining he was a good-ole-boy from Texas?? Also, the hitman's dialogue is a combination between Western Eastwood, Pulp Tarantino, and Lock Stock Ritchie. Pick one its confusing. There is a rhythm to these things. If you want to emulate one do it, but don't mix and match. Better yet, create your own style. The blood effect could have been better.
Okay, overall there really wasn't a story here. We saw a peak of a larger more interesting story. This should have been a sampler at dinner, but it was the main course. I'm still hungry.
 
Last edited:
Hey, first of all, thank you for your comment and criticism, I really do appreciate it.

At the one minute mark, their is no foley work being done, that is the actual sound of him walking on the rocks. So on that one your wrong.
The mud on the truck does look applied, your right on that, we shouldn't have done that, since it really has no bearing on anything. That was not a good decision

No he wasn't supposed to have been shot, that was supposed to have been blood splatter from a kill he just got back from. We wanted to leave it sort of ambiguous, but maybe we left it too ambiguous. We won't make that mistake again.

Also I think you generalize too much on dialogue. I don't know how you got goodfellas from that. Tarantino copying I can see, but that's about it. And to think that anybody would try to copy guy ritchie is funny, aim higher you know.lol...

Yeah the blood effect could have been better, for sure. right on that one. But at least we didn't cut away from it like most short films. We were trying to be a little ambitious there, and maybe just didn't quite sell it.

And your right on the story front too, as I'm sure you can tell the movie just sort of ends abruptly. That happened because we ran out of daylight and we are a low budget outfit(only one day of shooting), the script actually had a much different ending, but you have to make sacrifices you know.

But thanks again murdock, appreciate you actually watching it and giving out a concise critique...Our next film will be better, we just have to keep learning.
 
I think it's pretty good. And thank God somebody is finally using practical effects for blood. I'm so sick of everything being done in After Effects.
 
Thank you for not getting bent outta shape over a critique.:) Abou the Foley: I was actually thinking, "This could all be actuial sound", when I wrote that. I guess it was me not being able to see his feet cause it sounded kinda like a bag of rocks or something.

On the dialogue: I'm sure you've seen Good Fellas, so you know it's laces with "now I don't mean no disrespect". They way the dialogue was going up this point in the movie, I was expecting someting like, "Now I aint tryin' to disrespect ya, but you got one more time to cuss me and we're goin to have a problem." Something like that. Maybe I've seen Good Fellas too many times.:) As far as the hitman: The way I described it in my OP is the best way I can put it. I don't know what it is but there is sometihing with the timing/delivery.

Like Cracker said, It is cool to see someone trying practical effects. I think it was a little pinkish is all.
 
Yeah, you know, we're still learning, starting pre production on our next film soon, should be better than this one. One thing I learned form this film is just how important time is, if we could have shot for two days instead of one it would be a much better film. We only got about 1/5 through our shot list before we realized we were running out of time and just had to improvise shots and rush through scenes even if we didn't really like how they went. But every film I hope to learn something. Thanks again for the comments.
 
Isn't it interesting that you did the blood in an ambiguous way and it pulled focus. The first time we see the blood, you show us only a glimpse. Then it feels like it's being hidden because at the same time, we question the color and texture of it. And we want to know if he was shot so we focus on it. And, of course, spattering the blood onto the shirt would've probably worked better. There are lots of blood recipes out there, but one I've used is corn syrup, red, blue and green food coloring - and a little Clorox if you want to make sure it washes out well. It's gooey, but can make great spatter as well because there's a darkness and 'substance' to it. If you make mouth packs, leave the Clorox out of those. :)

What most interests me in a great film is how it peers into the psyche of a character, particularly in moments of clarity or shifts in intention, etc. If your actors are doing good work, get in there and let us see it, particularly if you don't have time for lots of cutaways, etc.

What popped out at me right away were the opening shots. Really majestic. You let those breathe a little and it felt a bit cinematic. The next shot of the truck, however, felt like a camcorder in-hand kinda thing. The dirt on the truck didn't help, but even without that, it felt like a different movie. If the intention is to make a drastic shift from serene & beautiful to "down and dirty," then make that shift with some strength. Zero in on something that's gonna jolt us a bit, get us to respond, to feel something.

I understand you shot this quickly, so I'm certainly not criticizing the filmmakers here. On the contrary, congratulations to you for gettin' up and doing it.
 
"One thing I learned form this film is just how important time is, if we could have shot for two days instead of one it would be a much better film."

Pretty much always the case. There is never enough time for all the coverage you'd like to shoot. Scheduling is critical.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top