Ok cool! You asked for it!
:33 wind is too big for the lack of air flow that you see and a bit too loud. I'd make it a little more whistly and soft.
1:10 The airplane ticket sounds a bit too much like a large newspaper. Any way to get a smaller piece of paper to re-record that foley? That would be cool.
Hitchcock films are renowned for loud and seemingly out-of-place sound effects while still staying in the story. If you want to add a couple more details, I'd make the clock sound harsher - especially for the close-up at 2:20. Make it more "in your face" and annoying to set the audience on edge.
2:37 ADR noticeably out of sync.
2:49 add a click for the disconnection on the other line. You can make it more violent to add to the suspense.
I like the pill bottle foley.
Heartbeat way too cliche. I'd put in a low-end throbbing maybe.
3:50 fade to 0, nothing, I want to hear nothing but silence. Take out the high ring before the telephone, and turn that telephone ring up about 10 dB in your DAW to really jolt the audience. I'd also put a reverb tail on the music and FX before the fade-out to really transition into nothing and lull the audience into the jolt. The reference here is Inception when Leo and the girl are in the car on the first level of the guy's dream - they are inside the car when it's raining and all sound cleverly drops to nothing and all you hear is the rain on the windshield and then BAM, the train hits the car. This is using your dynamics to help you make the audience want to feel what you want them to feel. Also, to make the telephone more harsh, boost up around 2K - 6K, high mids, to really make it rip and jolt the audience.
4:05 the FX sequence of him crawling over to the phone is too dry. Add some small room verb on it. For a project like this one which takes place in one small wooden room, I would have brought my mics to the set (same room if possibly) after the edit of the picture was done and re-recorded all the movement and foley and even the telephone foley inside the room so you get the natural acoustics of the sound. I would have also done the ADR like this as well. Since you already know the location and it's probably still available to you, I would have done this. But, now since it's so close, go ahead and add some verb on pretty much every movement so it sounds more realistic. This was done to great effect on "The King's Speech", and I know the sound designers who did 127 Hours, and for that movie, they actually built a small sandstone chasm inside a studio to record their foley in to make it true to the acoustics - it was something they wanted to get from the recordings and not have to add later with digital plug-ins and reverb units - it just sounds way more natural. This is all under the heading: "Worldizing".
4:30 I'm not so sure the bongos on the right in the mix contribute to the suspense.
Add more delays and flanging on the voices you've edited nicely. They're a bit too dry.
Now that you're in this guy's world now, make those telephone rings more "in your face" like the last ones were. You can do a lot with sound to make it just rack on the audience's nerves.
6:05 make that desk move more grating and screeching to add to the suspense and louder.
6:28 same point on the phone.
Sullivan sounds a little like a higher-pitched voice trying to sound deeper. IMHO I think it sounds a bit corny. Any way to re-record his voice on the phone call?
7:25 a bit sparse at he climax. The volume here should be at 11. Add more dynamics into it.
Great drop-off at 7:50.
8:00 his ADR laughing a bit too dry. Add some verb.
8:33 love the gun-shot sound and tonality and verb.
8:40 the conversation is a bit too dull and hard to understand and low in volume. For the whole conversation I'd add a bit of top around 10K back to the voices. Lapel mics, right?
