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watch Two New Short Films From Me :)

C

ChimpPhobiaFilms

I appreciate feedback and criticism. Enjoy :D

EDIT: The first one is the full version. The second video is the full version edited down to one minute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_SX4Tk5OG8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwf2YyzIw-k
 
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I liked it but I watched the monday challenge one first. with duplicated footage i think it took away from the impact of when i watched the smell of saltwater
 
sfoster said:
I liked it but I watched the monday challenge one first. with duplicated footage i think it took away from the impact of when i watched the smell of saltwater
Click to expand...

Yeah. I get what you're saying. I edited one version for a competition, and the other just for people to see. I wasn't sure which one to put on IndieTalk, so I put both :P. Thanks for the feedback though.

Anything else? :)
 
You've likely already noticed these CMOS cameras really like a whole lotta light.
A lot of it!
Don't ever starve your sensor for light, not that you have here, but just going forward.

Observations of mine are that in this pair of shorts (and I understand the difference between them) is that there appear to be four different styles in them: hand held, tripod, quirk shot, and skaky cam.

Hand held: watch some Terrence Malick, especially 'The New World' and 'Tree of Life'
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000517/?ref_=tt_ov_dr

Tripod: watch 'Contagion', and... have your horizon lines off-level with a purpose.
In fact, mixing the off-level tripod shots with the quirk shots (the dorky centered box shots) kinda mixes up the mood in a kind of ketchup on ice cream sort of way.

Qu!rk sh0ts: you know. the 0nes that l00k just k!nda d0rky. sup3r symm3tr!cal. c3nt3r3d. th0se w3s anders0n 'Moonrise Kingdom' s0rta sh0ts. th3y don't m!x well w!th tra-la-laditional sh0ts.

Sha-a-a-a-ky cam: Great. Cool. It's all the rage. Even causes some. Don't make 'em quite so shaky.


Due to the thematic material of the entire present+past story if I wanted to mix up camera techniques I woulda stuck to only two styles of camera work: shot the present scenes on a tripod, but not in dork-O-vision, and the beach scenes in a Malick-esque handheld.
Watch your broad horizon lines for level. Them oceans/great lakes are a b!tch to level using your camera's weenie little 3" screen. :yes:

But if I were to shoot this for me I'd've proly stuck to just the gentle handheld throughout. No dork-O-vision. No tripod. No shaky cam.
But that's just me.

And for the extended edition I would've shot more of the boy at & in the water and tried to get a better match cut blend of their feet running in the water.

You really needed more fond memories filler material to pad out that entire soundtrack.
Maybe do some fade to black moments between different memories: the sand, the water, the shore, the sun and sky, etc.

Editing-wise: hard cuts for the present, long cross fades for the memories - maybe overlapping.

And don't be afraid to Foley in some audio - like the cardboard box leaves grating open and closed, splashing feet in water, lapping waves, giggling/laughing boy.
Some of that soft gentle stuff like they do in the iPhone commercials.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoVW62mwSQQ
 
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rayw said:
You've likely already noticed these CMOS cameras really like a whole lotta light.
A lot of it!
Don't ever starve your sensor for light, not that you have here, but just going forward.

Observations of mine are that in this pair of shorts (and I understand the difference between them) is that there appear to be four different styles in them: hand held, tripod, quirk shot, and skaky cam.

Hand held: watch some Terrence Malick, especially 'The New World' and 'Tree of Life'
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000517/?ref_=tt_ov_dr

Tripod: watch 'Contagion', and... have your horizon lines off-level with a purpose.
In fact, mixing the off-level tripod shots with the quirk shots (the dorky centered box shots) kinda mixes up the mood in a kind of ketchup on ice cream sort of way.

Qu!rk sh0ts: you know. the 0nes that l00k just k!nda d0rky. sup3r symm3tr!cal. c3nt3r3d. th0se w3s anders0n 'Moonrise Kingdom' s0rta sh0ts. th3y don't m!x well w!th tra-la-laditional sh0ts.

Sha-a-a-a-ky cam: Great. Cool. It's all the rage. Even causes some. Don't make 'em quite so shaky.


Due to the thematic material of the entire present+past story if I wanted to mix up camera techniques I woulda stuck to only two styles of camera work: shot the present scenes on a tripod, but not in dork-O-vision, and the beach scenes in a Malick-esque handheld.
Watch your broad horizon lines for level. Them oceans/great lakes are a b!tch to level using your camera's weenie little 3" screen. :yes:

But if I were to shoot this for me I'd've proly stuck to just the gentle handheld throughout. No dork-O-vision. No tripod. No shaky cam.
But that's just me.

And for the extended edition I would've shot more of the boy at & in the water and tried to get a better match cut blend of their feet running in the water.

You really needed more fond memories filler material to pad out that entire soundtrack.
Maybe do some fade to black moments between different memories: the sand, the water, the shore, the sun and sky, etc.

Editing-wise: hard cuts for the present, long cross fades for the memories - maybe overlapping.

And don't be afraid to Foley in some audio - like the cardboard box leaves grating open and closed, splashing feet in water, lapping waves, giggling/laughing boy.
Some of that soft gentle stuff like they do in the iPhone commercials.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoVW62mwSQQ
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback Ray :)
 
ChimpPhobiaFilms said:
Yeah. I get what you're saying. I edited one version for a competition, and the other just for people to see. I wasn't sure which one to put on IndieTalk, so I put both :P. Thanks for the feedback though.

Anything else? :)
Click to expand...

It's too bad the guy didn't have any hair to blow in the wind :lol:
I liked it, nothing bad to say
 
Nice work. The second one definitely feels too short - not enough of the flashback material. The longer one feels about right in terms of the flashbacks, but too much of the present day. The close up on his eyes in the beginning goes on too long, putting things back in the box at the end, etc. I feel like somewhere in between the two is the right balance... good material though.
 
ItDonnedOnMe said:
Nice work. The second one definitely feels too short - not enough of the flashback material. The longer one feels about right in terms of the flashbacks, but too much of the present day. The close up on his eyes in the beginning goes on too long, putting things back in the box at the end, etc. I feel like somewhere in between the two is the right balance... good material though.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback IDOM :)
 
I watched the Director's cut and passed on the 'edited for time' version. I liked the idea of the man looking back through his life by looking back through a box of memories. And whether symbolic or accidental, the way he was bent over the box was strongly reflective of the way he's bent over by life. Laying on the sand, looking at the clouds and the water lapping at the shore, the only thing missing was his old plastic bucket and shovel. I'll leave the technical interpretation to those better suited, but I truly enjoyed the artistic impression.
 
I liked it, but I felt like the shorter version still needs the last shot of the boy walking into the water. It just adds something more to it.
 
Maxsdad said:
I watched the Director's cut and passed on the 'edited for time' version. I liked the idea of the man looking back through his life by looking back through a box of memories. And whether symbolic or accidental, the way he was bent over the box was strongly reflective of the way he's bent over by life. Laying on the sand, looking at the clouds and the water lapping at the shore, the only thing missing was his old plastic bucket and shovel. I'll leave the technical interpretation to those better suited, but I truly enjoyed the artistic impression.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the great interpretation. In the film, I thought it would be interesting for a man to have everything he has done in his life, and all of his memories in one box. Actually, the box is a collection of photos of my family from the last 90-100 years.

Great interpretation :)
 
mussonman said:
I liked it, but I felt like the shorter version still needs the last shot of the boy walking into the water. It just adds something more to it.
Click to expand...

Thanks! I would have kept that in, but there's a one minute time limit :tear:. But when I think about it, I could have cut out some of the shots closer to the beginning and more focused on the dream sequences + the last shot.
 
The one-minute version is too short as is, but still superior to the full version... which draaaaags, maaaaan.

Something stronger to differentiate the two time periods (or at least the transition there & back) would have been cool. Someone mentioned even just using a different camera technique for each one. Sure, that's an idea, too.

I dig it, overall. Just under 2 minutes would be a sweet cut. The one-minute version just misses some of the lingering & longing of the full cut. Oh, could have used some softer or more even lighting inside the apartment, too.

Good work, though, dude. :cool:

.
 
Zensteve said:
The one-minute version is too short as is, but still superior to the full version... which draaaaags, maaaaan.

Something stronger to differentiate the two time periods (or at least the transition there & back) would have been cool. Someone mentioned even just using a different camera technique for each one. Sure, that's an idea, too.

I dig it, overall. Just under 2 minutes would be a sweet cut. The one-minute version just misses some of the lingering & longing of the full cut. Oh, could have used some softer or more even lighting inside the apartment, too.

Good work, though, dude. :cool:

.
Click to expand...

Thanks :)

Are there any scenes/shots in particular that you thought were really unnecessary or needed to be taken out?
 
Just to echo rayw...

It would be mostly subtle, but I would have done extensive Foley and sound effects, probably some breathing and/or other ("happy") nonverbal vocalizations as well. I felt a little disconnected from him with just the music.

The sounds looking through the box and handling the items would have been "real" and the memory sounds would have been softer and more dreamlike. Water sounds can be very peaceful, as can bird sounds in keeping with the memories. Maybe some children playing, even though we don't see them.

The black at 01:28 sort of threw me, I would have preferred a soft crossfade.


In the short version cut out the closeup of his face. Cut out the sideways beach shot. This gives you more time to do a long crossfade from him putting everything back in the box into the child running into the water, fade out as he goes under the water. The music needs to be edited better.

My two ducats.


NICE!!!
 
Liked that...simple but well done. Can only echo some of the previous comments... More foley, better definition between past and present etc...

Really liked the cuts with the kid walking (even if I think perhaps the angles are off a bit) and the lingering end shot was very very nice.

Small crumbs of complaint for a nice piece. :)
 
Alcove Audio said:
Just to echo rayw...

It would be mostly subtle, but I would have done extensive Foley and sound effects, probably some breathing and/or other ("happy") nonverbal vocalizations as well. I felt a little disconnected from him with just the music.

The sounds looking through the box and handling the items would have been "real" and the memory sounds would have been softer and more dreamlike. Water sounds can be very peaceful, as can bird sounds in keeping with the memories. Maybe some children playing, even though we don't see them.

The black at 01:28 sort of threw me, I would have preferred a soft crossfade.


In the short version cut out the closeup of his face. Cut out the sideways beach shot. This gives you more time to do a long crossfade from him putting everything back in the box into the child running into the water, fade out as he goes under the water. The music needs to be edited better.

My two ducats.


NICE!!!
Click to expand...

ShockingMind said:
Liked that...simple but well done. Can only echo some of the previous comments... More foley, better definition between past and present etc...

Really liked the cuts with the kid walking (even if I think perhaps the angles are off a bit) and the lingering end shot was very very nice.

Small crumbs of complaint for a nice piece. :)
Click to expand...

Thanks :)
 
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