archived-videos "Tree Frogs" My first short film

[Plymouth Jones]

Hey guys! I made my very first short film "Tree Frogs" back in December, and it's now up for competition, online!
I've always been a fan of things that had the kind've "crime theme " look, with harsh lights, and deep contrasts.
Let me know what you guys think, and of course, feel free to vote!

Mainly, I'd like feedback, since I'm planning on filming my next short in about 2 weeks.

http://www.seeflik.com/tree-frogs

Let me know what you think!!!

 

[Zensteve]

Funny entrance, but it really bogs down when he starts talking to the fellow he means to meet.

There's a lot of words... but nothing goes anywhere.

 

[Plymouth Jones]

Thanks!
It's actually a scene from a bigger project that I'm aiming to film in the fall. I'm really into dialogue, but I guess if you're not locked in, I can see where it can trail.

Any suggestions?

 

[afaloth]

For a first time film, I'd have to say very well done! One of the most professional first shorts I've seen in fact. I'd have to agree with steve on the dialogue, it's a bit cyclical and kinda just goes round on itself, maybe at the end they could have gone out to find the man he paid to kill, then it turned out someone else had paid the killer to kill him, thus a twist on the price of a persons life, just a thought Saying that, I thought some of the dialogue was well written and thought-provoking, such as the bit where they were talking about the price of a persons life. Well done!

 

[dandevans]

Quite nicely shot and lit despite some camera wobble, sound wasn't great (quite hard to hear sometimes, and a couple of really clipped bits). Performances started a bit limp but got a lot better as it went on. The hitman was pretty good.

(Hitman-themed shorts are a little too common by the way, means you have to really stand out)

I agree with the others that while there was some good dialog in there, it was over long and meandering and only just managed to keep my interest - and in the end it didn't really go anywhere. Edit more, both on the page and in the final edit!

A good start nonetheless - just try and ensure that everything that is said is moving the conversation forward.