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Too much visual direction?

W

wheatgrinder

Yes, "The Last Little Girl" is back in my thoughts.

Is this too much "cinematography" for the script?.

INT. FARM HOUSE BACK ROOM-NIGHT LATE

The dark room is erratically filled with flashes of monochrome golden light. In staccato snap shots:

Lynn asleep at the piano, her head rests heavily on her folder arms.

Lynn's eyes snap open

Lynn Stands

Lynn runs from the room
 
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I don't really think so, Wheat. I probably wouldn't use "In staccato snap shots:" It should be clear that the "erratic golden flashes of light" correspond to the images you list.

INT. FARM HOUSE BACK ROOM-NIGHT LATE

Staccato FLASHES of monochrome golden light fill the room:

-Lynn asleep at the piano, her head rests heavily on her folder arms.

-Lynn's eyes snap open

-Lynn Stands

-Lynn runs from the room
 
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Not at all, that entire batch of description will all fall within ten seconds.

INT. FARM HOUSE BACK ROOM-NIGHT LATE

The dark room is erratically filled with flashes of monochrome golden light. In staccato snap shots:

Lynn asleep at the piano, her head rests heavily on folded arms. Lynn's eyes snap open, hurriedly she stands, fleeing from the room.
 
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Nope, not too much. But, "in staccato snapshots" literally suggests the images will be still pics with those white frames, at least it does to me. I would suggest using 'montage' or something similar.
 
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Its a short, and I like the billeted approach

INT. FARM HOUSE BACK ROOM-NIGHT LATE

Eratic FLASHES of monochrome golden light fill the room:

-Lynn asleep at the piano, her head rests heavily on her folder arms.

-Lynn's eyes snap open

-Lynn Stands

-Lynn runs from the room


I realized that staccato and erratic might be a bit contradictory, the flashes can not seem to rhythmic, they are caused by a mostly random activity,.. hence the frequency cant be too regular.. though for the amount of screen time.. who cares. lol..

Or did I say Erotic Fleshes.. I gota watch that dyslexia..
 
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wheatgrinder said:
Its a short, and I like the billeted approach

INT. FARM HOUSE BACK ROOM-NIGHT LATE

Eratic FLASHES of monochrome golden light fill the room:

-Lynn asleep at the piano, her head rests heavily on her folder arms.

-Lynn's eyes snap open

-Lynn Stands

-Lynn runs from the room


I realized that staccato and erratic might be a bit contradictory, the flashes can not seem to rhythmic, they are caused by a mostly random activity,.. hence the frequency cant be too regular.. though for the amount of screen time.. who cares. lol..

Or did I say Erotic Fleshes.. I gota watch that dyslexia..
Click to expand...

sometimes people write it as series of shots and sometimes Montage . I am a bit confused .pl clarify and thanks
padma
 
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"Staccato snap shots" -- with that line, you're telling the director how to do their job. Mind your own business. I like Papertwin's version, though I've edited it to remove the offensive instructions.

Papertwinproductions said:
INT. FARM HOUSE BACK ROOM-NIGHT LATE

The dark room is erratically filled with flashes of monochrome golden light. Lynn asleep at the piano, her head rests heavily on folded arms. Lynn's eyes snap open, hurriedly she stands, fleeing from the room.
Click to expand...
 
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As a director, I don't have a problem with that. I've always felt that direction in a script is more of a shorthand way for the screenwriter to communicate vision to the director. As a director, I still let my mind visualize the script and write comments in the script's margins where what I see differs from what the script states explicitly. But I've often heard directors are offended (threatened?) when there are shooting/editing directions written into a script. So if it's a script for you or someone you know to shoot, do whatever... if you're trying to sell it, it needs to be more story telling and less film viewing in its delivery.
 
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I'm not offended. I used the word "offensive" as more of a joke. I'd say "pointless" is a better word to describe those too-specific directions, because I'm going to go with my own vision.
 
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I also struggle with writing (on the completion front), so anything that will get the vision on paper is good to me. I've also dealt with writers for whom the written word is the end all be all, whereas I'll gladly butcher it on set or in preproduction if I think it's better for what I'm shooting.
 
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