Thoughts on this idea for a short ~ "Everybody Dies"

[Semiazas]

I've had an idea for a short, it's a simple enough one with very few characters and probably very few locations too.
It's Faustian in it's nature, wherein a man sells his soul so he never dies after he begins to reel into depression after the death of his brother.
As he continues to live, in a very short space of time, he begins to lose the ability to feel anything towards those closest to him like his fiancee.
As he begins to become more empty he is driven to madness by his inability to feel for the loss of his brother and he tries anything to feel again, self mutilation, attempted suicide etc.
Along with this, he is haunted by visions of Satan taunting him with Death.
Not entierley sure how it'll end.
Thoughts?

 

[NickClapper]

Yer, it's a pretty good idea. It could work really nicely.

What I would focus on now is the practical side of the story telling. In what way is this 'emptiness' going to manifest itself? If you simply cut to a scene of graphic self mutilation then it will seem gratuitous. Do you mean he cannot feel things both physically and emotionally? I assume you mean just emotionally which is very tricky to show on screen.

Simply giving his fiancee the cold shoulder won't suffice in terms of a deeper explanation. I would consider addressing the issue of this emptiness perhaps through the use of the Devil as a narrator or perhaps as a hallucinatory confidate... Just so that you spell it out for the viewer because, especially in a short film, depression is quite difficult to establish especially if it's going to result in graphic violence...

 

[Adeimantus]

I like it.

I'd play up the Satan character. Make him real. Make him a formidable opponent. Make him deliciously evil and entirely convincing in how he tempts your hero. There's tons of good templates to use. Robert De Niro in Angle Heart; Dustin Hoffman's character in Luc Besson's Joan of Arc (the character Hoffman plays is GREAT; the movie wasn't so good). Peter Stormare in Constantine. etc.

 

[Semiazas]

Yer, it's a pretty good idea. It could work really nicely.

What I would focus on now is the practical side of the story telling. In what way is this 'emptiness' going to manifest itself? If you simply cut to a scene of graphic self mutilation then it will seem gratuitous. Do you mean he cannot feel things both physically and emotionally? I assume you mean just emotionally which is very tricky to show on screen.

Simply giving his fiancee the cold shoulder won't suffice in terms of a deeper explanation. I would consider addressing the issue of this emptiness perhaps through the use of the Devil as a narrator or perhaps as a hallucinatory confidate... Just so that you spell it out for the viewer because, especially in a short film, depression is quite difficult to establish especially if it's going to result in graphic violence...

It will be physically and emotionally, the idea behind it is that he starts to become an imitation of a man even though he is a man that cannot die.
As time goes by, the Devil would be used more, maybe not as a narrator in a sense of talking to the audience/breaking the fourth wall kind of thing. I guess I'd have him start to maybe be the lead male in situations with the fiancee to show that he actually means nothing and isn't there anymore.
I agree about establishing the depression of the fiancee more than for him because she doesn't go down the self mutilation route so it'd be more difficult to show as it would be largely psychological.
Any tips on that?

I like it.

I'd play up the Satan character. Make him real. Make him a formidable opponent. Make him deliciously evil and entirely convincing in how he tempts your hero. There's tons of good templates to use. Robert De Niro in Angle Heart; Dustin Hoffman's character in Luc Besson's Joan of Arc (the character Hoffman plays is GREAT; the movie wasn't so good). Peter Stormare in Constantine. etc.

He will be real, but I don't know that he'll appear to the fiancee much outside of dream sequences and stuff like that although he'd definetly appear and talk to the male lead, I guess the example I have is in Heroes when Sylar is inside Matt Parkman's head.
Any other examples of films with a prominent Devil figure?

 

[jrsmithson]

I cant figure out how to erase this post.

 

[Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC]

My friend at work loves the "No Heroes" theme where everyone dies. He calls it "Reality." Your idea seems interesting. There's lots of material on stories where people sold their souls to the devil. I have comic books and graphic novel magazines in storage of Dameon Hellstorm: Son of Satan and graphic novels of his sister, Satanica: The Devil's Daughter where the backup stories are about people who sold their souls to the devil.

 

[msp1518]

I like the idea a lot. Run with it and remember, execution is key.

 

[jeremy]

That is quite a bit to roll into a short. Overall I like it.

I think the title could use some work.
I'm also curious why this guy wants to live forever. I've never met anyone that has led me to belive they would want such a thing.

Contrary to NickClapper I think a lack of feeling will be quick and easy to do visually. Juxtapose the main character with a bunch of emotioally charged characters in an environment where he should be emotional. See the airplane scene of either fight club or garden state to see this done in 2 different ways to the same effect. Off the cuff, I'm thinking everyone in the room is sobbing at his brothers eulogy and he has no reaction at all.

Last, in terms of an ending, I'd personally go with surviving a suicide attempt that should guarentee his death, but surviving in a way that increases his suffering. Perhaps brain dead in a hospital, kept alive by machines indefinately, and trapped in his subconscious with the devil.

Those are my suggestions, hope they help. One way or another you should write it. It's got some deapth to it.

 

[Semiazas]

Lots of stuff on changing the name, I will concede it's not the best or most appropriate of names, it just popped into my head.
I was thinking of changing it to something like requies aeterna, which is latin for eternal rest.
I quite like using latin titles, they seem to be able to get across a lot without sounding particularly cumbersome

 

[Murdock]

"I picked up a heap of sand, showed it to him and ask for the vain wish that I might have as many

birthdays as the individual grains in my hand. I forgot to ask for contious youth along with the

years..........And now the happier time of youth is gone, and sick old age has come with its feeble

steps; and I must endure it for a long time." Metamorphoses

I guess the idea isn't the newest but it could be interesting.