The right way to write descriptions?

[LiriWho]

I've learnt everything I know about screenwriting by reading scripts (and some books and sites about writing). I could use your help here:

I had a chat with a friend of mine who takes a screenwriting course in Israel. According to her, the scripts I read are "written wrong script-wise". Giving her examples from 'When Harry Met Sally":

Sally looks over at Harry. Who am I stuck in this car with? She looks back at the road.

Joe nods. Harry nods. An awkward pause. Sally just standing there, wondering if Harry remembers her.

And "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind":


Joel sits down in his chair and drinks. There's a silence, which seems fine to Clementine but makes Joel anxious.

This shuts Clementine up. She is stung and she starts gathering up her belongings, which are strewn about the apartment. Joel is immediately sorry he's said this. He follows her around.


Can you guys please tell me if that's really wrong script-wise? Can you ask questions in the description? ("who am I stuck in this car with?")
In Israel they teach you that it's wrong to write "confused/embarrassed/anxious/disappointed/awkward" etc... you have to show the actions that make the character that way. You can't write what's on their mind like "Joel is immediately sorry he's said this".
I know you should write what we see, and yet I come across so many written thoughts. I just assumed there should be a balance between them. Never thought it was "forbidden" since those scripts got green lit, and God knows how stubborn Hollywood is.

Your input will be highly appreciated! Thank you

 

[directorik]

Can you guys please tell me if that's really wrong script-wise? Can you ask questions in the description? ("who am I stuck in this car with?")

This style isn’t wrong.

In a script, written by an unproduced writer for sale on speculation,
this style may raise questions with other unproduced writers. The
two examples are written by produced writers who have different
“rules”. But your scripts are as sellable as these two examples then
there will be no problems using this style.

In Israel they teach you that it's wrong to write "confused/embarrassed/anxious/disappointed/awkward" etc... you have to show the actions that make the character that way. You can't write what's on their mind like "Joel is immediately sorry he's said this".

That's the same as in the states and in the UK. But the "rules"
are different for produced writers than for unproduced writers.
It sure isn't fair, is it?

“Hollywood” isn’t as stubborn as screenwriting students and
messageboard posters believe it is. Producers are inundated with
terrible, terrible scripts. They make an attempt to reduce the sheer
among of scripts they must cover. Among those attempts is a very
close look at format and style. I can tell you from experience that
no reader will "pass" a script that uses that style as long as it is an
excellent script. And I can tell you from experience that every peer
reader on the peer review sites will call you out if you use that style.

If you feel you want to use the style of these two examples you
can do it. If your script is excellent it will attract attention.

 

[wheatgrinder]

Maybe its like all art.

First you master the classic form\technique, then you go your own way. Sure there are some break out artist that bypass the classic school, but youll be hard pressed to name one.

Internet pier review is great for helping us noobs learn and internalize the classic forms, and speaking personally, working my screenplays in that classic style has been nothing but a good experience. Someday I may master the form and move beyond..but not anytime soon.

 

[DeJager]

I've always read and been taught to not put anything in a scene description that the reader/viewer cannot actually see. So.. instead of saying "disappointed" I would simply describe how that person looks or is acting that would visually portray disappointed. But I don't follow the rules most of the time when I'm writing my own scripts because I know that I'll be the one that films it!

 

[FantasySciFi]

I've learnt everything I know about screenwriting by reading scripts (and some books and sites about writing). I could use your help here. I had a chat with a friend of mine who takes a screenwriting course in Israel. According to her, the scripts I read are "written wrong script-wise".
...
Can you guys please tell me if that's really wrong script-wise? ... Never thought it was "forbidden" since those scripts got green lit, and God knows how stubborn Hollywood is.

Really look at the comments as they are valuable.

But the "rules" are different for produced writers than for unproduced writers.
It sure isn't fair, is it? ... They make an attempt to reduce the sheer among of scripts they must cover. Among those attempts is a very close look at format and style. I can tell you from experience that no reader will "pass" a script that uses that style as long as it is an excellent script. And I can tell you from experience that every peer reader on the peer review sites will call you out if you use that style.

The "rules" question continually comes up. Screenwriting is a craft; it mixes art and science. The "rules" are like the lines in coloring books. When you are first learning, it helps to have something to color inside. As you progress, you start creating your own pictures. However, not everyone who draws has their picture hang in the museum. And during that 'struggling artist' phase you develop a unique personal style.

Unknown artists are held to tighter standards than known artists (and writers!). In part to eliminate all the crappy work. How many Elvis on black velvet pictures do we need? Every musician is classically trained in harmony and counterpoint. But then they often go off and "break" the rules.

I've always read and been taught to not put anything in a scene description that the reader/viewer cannot actually see. So.. instead of saying "disappointed" I would simply describe how that person looks or is acting that would visually portray disappointed. But I don't follow the rules most of the time when I'm writing my own scripts because I know that I'll be the one that films it!

"Disappointed" for me may be a shrug. For you, your head is down, your lips wrinkled and protruding as you kick the ground. The big challenge here is that too much description steps on the toes of the actors (And trust me, you WILL hear that!).

My overall philosophy is clarity and brevity--the economy of words and action to convey meaning. The examples you provided did that. So they were appealing to the readers who greenlighted the projects. Sometimes it results simply from personal relationships in the industry pushing forward a project, not the script itself. But as a new writer, until your name is out there, it's best to follow the accepted "rules" and develop your own style.

 

[LiriWho]

Thank you! It helped.