archived-videos THE PACKAGE - Short Film

Not bad.
I was impressed with the editing (apart from the scene where the "running" guy throws the package and catches it back: It takes him too long. Cut it faster.)

Also, I don't like the twist. I prefer if the guy doesn't shoot him.. think of a better ending.

I enjoyed it! Good luck!
 
There's a little bit of visual exposition going on here.
The thing with the pistol in the glovebox, mag in jacket pocket, then hand it back. Don't.

Yeah, the package toss and catch thing was... educational.

Without a doubt, the most impressive shot was that between 1:06 and 1:10. That looked b!tchin' cool!

The stunt "jump" between 1:15 to 1:21 was done very well.

The "running cam" from 1:41 to 1:44 looked... probably not like you intended.

The physical spaces between the two of them jumped all over the place. Gotta story board out that a little better next time.
And then the running and chasing just got a little worn.

@ 2:01 Umm... why on Earth would runner go straight to the 12' chain link fence around a sub station and then stop? That was [retarded] a logic gap, among a couple others.

The dialog at the end needs a little more... Guy Ritchie. You know?

Over all, it was pretty good work.

GL!


kinglis said:
Man, I learn so much from dissections :)
Click to expand...
Thank you, Kinglis! :)
 
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rayw said:
There's a little bit of visual exposition going on here.
The thing with the pistol in the glovebox, mag in jacket pocket, then hand it back. Don't.

Yeah, the package toss and catch thing was... educational.

Without a doubt, the most impressive shot was that between 1:06 and 1:10. That looked b!tchin' cool!

The stunt "jump" between 1:15 to 1:21 was done very well.

The "running cam" from 1:41 to 1:44 looked... probably not like you intended.

The physical spaces between the two of them jumped all over the place. Gotta story board out that a little better next time.
And then the running and chasing just got a little worn.

@ 2:01 Umm... why on Earth would runner go straight to the 12' chain link fence around a sub station and then stop? That was [retarded] a logic gap, among a couple others.

The dialog at the end needs a little more... Guy Ritchie. You know?

Over all, it was pretty good work.

GL!
Click to expand...

Man, I learn so much from (Edit: your) dissections :)
 
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Thanks so much for the comments and criticism. My friends and I came up with this idea randomly and did it in a 6-hour shoot. I thought it came out better than I expected.

As for the package toss part, I made that because I thought it would be a joke. As in, why would a runner jump over 3 steps when it would be faster to just run around it? On top of that, the runner, of course, HAD to toss up with package, jump over the railing, and catch it a second later. That part was satire. Again, the unnecessary jumps throughout the movie were part of that joke.

Now, I also understand that there were some "meh" shots, along with a lack of story, that might've thrown off the flow of the movie.

Thanks for the input!
 
The scene inside the car could be cut in half and improve a lot! Some of the angles sucks to be honest.
But the rest if the movie is good!:)
 
Not too shabby. It had a good look to it. It looks like you sped the footage up. Usually a bad idea.

Keep it up man. This was good, make the next one better!
 
As one of the mains I can tell you none of the footage is sped up, all of the footage is stock speed, the runner is justt really fast like a 5min mile fast and if it were any slower it just looked like he was walking. Also the ending script was entirely adlibed and only in post production did we realize I had raised my gun to early.
 
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