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The Man Who Shot The Ket - (feedback please!)

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Honestly, I found it pretty boring. I got to the bottom of page 2 and stopped reading. Don't over use narration. There's not enough action to generate interest. In a 13 page script, your first two pages need to be strong. This is just a slow burn for me that fizzled out.
 
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I liked it. You got the feel of the genre just right.

I'm always distracted when a writer directs the movie on the page. I
suspect you will be directing this short but as a reader I still find it
distracting. Personally I want the format to stay out of the way so I
can picture the movie myself as I read. And your format gets in the
way often.

But the story works. It was quite standard with nothing new to add
to the genre and an ending I have seen in dozens of short films. It
held my interest all the way through.
 
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directorik said:
I liked it. You got the feel of the genre just right.

I'm always distracted when a writer directs the movie on the page. I
suspect you will be directing this short but as a reader I still find it
distracting. Personally I want the format to stay out of the way so I
can picture the movie myself as I read. And your format gets in the
way often.

But the story works. It was quite standard with nothing new to add
to the genre and an ending I have seen in dozens of short films. It
held my interest all the way through.
Click to expand...

Hi Directorik

Thanks for reading! Glad you liked it. Could you elaborate a bit more on which part of the ending you felt had been done in other shorts? It doesn't add to the genre no, but the film is kind of just using the genre as a tool to show how off kilter the main characters subjective viewpoint is. Does that make sense? Sorry if I'm rambling haha
 
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FantasySciFi said:
Honestly, I found it pretty boring. I got to the bottom of page 2 and stopped reading. Don't over use narration. There's not enough action to generate interest. In a 13 page script, your first two pages need to be strong. This is just a slow burn for me that fizzled out.
Click to expand...

Hi FantasySciFi

Sorry to hear you didn't enjoy it. Thanks for the input, I'll look over the script again. Part of the humour for the film is that it is very anti-climatic though, so I'm not sure how far I can go with your advice. I do agree there's probably a bit too much narration though (but again, in this film thats where the humour comes from, the discrepancy between what he narrates and what he does). Maybe the humour just doesn't click enough for you, its a bit inspired by this sketch to give you a better idea of how it'll be done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83ZFu1B4ZpQ
 
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rianlemon said:
Hi FantasySciFi

Sorry to hear you didn't enjoy it. Thanks for the input, I'll look over the script again. Part of the humour for the film is that it is very anti-climatic though, so I'm not sure how far I can go with your advice. I do agree there's probably a bit too much narration though (but again, in this film thats where the humour comes from, the discrepancy between what he narrates and what he does). Maybe the humour just doesn't click enough for you, its a bit inspired by this sketch to give you a better idea of how it'll be done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83ZFu1B4ZpQ
Click to expand...

when I read it, it made me think if the Limmy sketch were he's off his head and rings his Da while stuck in his room...great sketch
 
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