archived-videos The Fearless Adventures of the Mole

[MartinSeth]

My second short film, the first one where I got to do it just the way I wanted to. Although some technical errors in sound etc. I am overall pleased with the results but I want feedback so I can improve for my future projects

Plot synposis: A cowardly war hero writes down his last words, analyzing his choice of lifestyle and how fear has played a significant part throughout his life.

I don't know how to get the player to work here in the forum, so just follow this link instead: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtgZvAHtsJs

 

[butterbescotch]

Just watched it. Yes, the sound is a bit off. What happened to that? And the narration's on and off is pretty apparent because of the audio narration's noise. I suggest you spread a sample of that noise throughout the film, so that somehow it will be seamless. For example in the 1:55.

Also, if he has been there for a long time, shouldn't he be so dirty? He looks okay for me. Though story wise, It's not really that strong.

When did you made it mate?

 

[Zensteve]

Script would be 25% shorter, by removing the word "fear".

I think you have a really interesting idea here, that has not been properly executed.

The "war hero" doesn't look the part (in a hoodie & shades?!). The vibe of the v/o was pretty good, but the actual dialogue could have used a lot more work. It's filler.

By the time the stereotypical "shoots self" rolls in at 04:50, I am also doing the same.

Nice job recovering from that, though, and providing an interesting turn of events! I was hooked, after that.

Great way to end the short. It's an awfully long windup to get there, mind you. The last 60 seconds say more than the previous 5 minutes total.

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