The Code Of The Falcon - A modern Secret Agent thriller

[Olaf Blunk]

Hello,

dear forum members! This year turned out be a much more creative one than I thought: I wrote a novel, that got published a few months later and created a screenplay, that is based upon the first chapters of my book.

While the screenplay on the surface presents itself as a modern action-thriller, it treats much more profound themes such as the needlessness of social systems, the abyss of sexuality and the pain and beauty of being alive. Since I´m making photos for more than a decade now, the script treats these themes by putting emphasis on immediate action, visual symbolism and music, not by the characters talking about them.

Although the screenplay is online at Amazon Studios (which by the way I can recommend to every writer who has a finished script to offer), you hardly receive feedback there. That´s why I´m really looking forward to every praise, criticism and suggestion, that´ll come from you.

So, here it is:



If you´re unsure whether it´s worth your energy and time, you can (on a very simple level) expect a mixture of "The Bourne Identity", "The American" and "Man On Fire". The setting involves drug cartels, paramilitary, brothels, gangsters, prostitutes and - of course - secret agents. All those under 17, please clear out.

I additionally created a website dedicated to the script:



It includes an intro video, a possibility to listen to the soundtrack and offers a look inside my novel.

Olaf

 

[Olaf Blunk]

To all the independant directors and movie producers out there: if the script triggers something in you and you feel as if this movie could turn out to be your new project, please feel free to contact me via e-mail, facebook or the forum pm.

The content of the script can be a variable, since it is based on the first chapters of my novel. In my opinion including the last chapter, which has a fulminant finale in Switzerland concerning the villain and which adds a highway chase and a shootout at a gas station, gives the movie something fresh and reduces the grayness, although the script isn´t that coherent anymore then.

The price is of course also negotiable, since I´m more interested in the movie being made rather than seeing some numbers popping up on my bank account. You should also consider to write the companies whose high tech equipment appears in the movie for product placement in order to get the film solidly financed. Canon cameras, Revox tapes, Beretta guns and so forth, they´re all design pieces of art and appear therefore in the movie in a symbolistic way either way.

Redeem the code...

 

[FantasySciFi]

Welcome to the forum. You clearly have a vision but the script's format clouds it. You may wish to obtain books on proper formatting of a script or screenplay.

You don't write the opening credits. You can put in the scenes as a montage but the "produced by ..." etc. are not to be included. While there is some room for disagreement on whether to include a specific song recommendation, in general, it's best not to include it UNLESS it is directly relevant. Purchasing the rights to music can be very expensive. The way you have littered your script with music suggestions makes it hard to read especially since they will be ignored. One script page is roughly one minute of screen time, one song is roughly 3.5 minutes long. Yet in the course of a one page scene, you have three songs "Manic Monday", "What a Feeling" and "Infinity". Maybe one of those songs would play during the duration of the scene. Because of the difficulty of syncing songs with multiple shots, I think a sound engineer would prefer only one song to play which would also be cheaper. And depending on who is producing the film, your suggestions will generally be ignored.

A script very rarely has more than a couple dense paragraphs of description if that. They come off as very amateur which gives readers doubts about the quality of the rest of your 205 page script. Script length should normally range between 100 to 130 pages at most. You are 100 pages over what most producers want to consider. The dense paragraphs are fine for your novel but not in a script. You only describe what the audience is seeing and hearing, not all the nuances, thoughts or feelings in your character's head.

Washington, D.C., Friday night, disco area. The colourful 
lights and the dull, monotonous beats distract Martin, 
the main protagonist, from his mission parameters.
He [COLOR="Red"]bumbs[/COLOR] into a group of youngsters, a guy with a 
baseball cap shortly touches him which triggers a 
disarming technique in him, the guy is too drunk to 
recognize the threat and walks on.
 
[COLOR="Red"]EXT. DISCO AREA, STREETS[/COLOR]
Martin sits on the [COLOR="Red"]streeet[/COLOR] in front of the disco "Old 
Canteen" and checks the content of his backpack, fifty 
thousand dollars in shrink-wrapped banknotes, a 
carbon Glock 17, a passport, car keys. A drunk girl 
stumbles upon him, smiling:

                            DRUNK GIRL[COLOR="Red"]:[/COLOR]
             [COLOR="Red"]"[/COLOR]Who are you?[COLOR="Red"]"[/COLOR]

The sluglines need to include the time of day so: EXT. DISCO AREA, STREETS - NIGHT. You need to attend to spelling "streeet" and "bumbs". No colon after the character or quotes in a dialogue. None of the vignettes in the beginning are relevant in a way that makes sense to what follows. Not that they don't have a meaning, they're just not relevant in a way that ties in with Martins. They would be cut. So your script really starts on page 6. What is the relevance of the scene with the girl outside the club? It should be cut or altered. Perhaps the girl is with the drunk students and simply gives him a seductive glance as he passes by them. I pressed on a bit. By p. 14, the script became less interesting. The dialogue is rather on-the-nose. Also, the English is a bit stilted.

In all, if this were submitted to a production company, as a script reviewer, your first eight pages would cause me to reject the screenplay outright. It's not a rejection of your story but the script is unworkable as written. And there is a pile of twenty other scripts to be read by talented screenwriters who can properly format. To wow a producer, you need to have a well formatted script and a great story.

You would be better served to send your book to the producer. If it interests them, they can hire a professional screenwriter to adapt your book. I don't mean this harshly but authors should never try to adapt their own books into scripts on their own. Screenwriters who adapt books have a solid sense of how to extract the underlying story, fit it to a story structure that works in 120 pages. Most authors love every word they've written and have a hard time knowing which portions are irrelevant to the central story. In this instance, while your story may be intriguing, the script doesn't do it justice. There are simply too many flaws for it to be seriously considered at this time.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

Well thanks for all the advice, FantasySciFi, I like that you say what you think, although it somehow gives me the impression that production companies only care about a dish well and appropriately served, not about the content.

Firstly, about the things I disagree with you:

Since I´m a visual artist for more than a decade now: the auditive part of a movie IS important for a screenplay, and I´m convinced that there is a coherence in the selected music tracks and that its unique melodies, tones and rhythms provide a sense of their own. But I don´t stick to them as I don´t stick to my script in terms of: he has to do this thing, he has to say this thing etc. Since I wrote a novel with exactly the same content, so to say dealt with the story concerning book/screenplay for over half a year, I exactly know what the story can deliver and what it can´t, and especially that all my imagined pictures, colors and feelings will never exactly match the vision of another person, director or producer.

The second thing is the writing style of the script: I deliberately chose this novel/sreenplay-style because I dislike scripts that have this "He drinks a beer. Dialogue here, dialogue there. She smokes a cigarette. Dialogue here, dialogue there."-style of writing. But you might be right about the style being to explicit and excessive, I´m really thinking about dramatically shortening the situation descriptions.

So e.g. how would you shorten the following scene:

"Martin lets slip a bunch of peso notes on the counter, then quickly looks if there´s something useful around that he can buy. The storekeeper disappears behind a curtain, whereupon Martin walks behind the counter and ducks, fastly checking the back side of the counter for weapons."?

Before I carry on to the things that really were helpful, the last and most important thing I disagree with is that an author never should write a screenplay upon their own novels. On the one hand, I wrote my novel with moving, colored pictures in mind, on the other hand there are no prohibitions in art. I think every screenwriter wanting his movie being made must somehow feel like George Lucas who went to 20th Century Fox with little toy starships in his hand and proposing aliens and robots who talk unknown languages. It´s alienation to the utmost, and having grown up with movie magic seems like a trap of infinity. Is this all really worth it, or is it just this weird feeling after having eaten too much popcorn that will prevail?

You´re definitely right about the disco scene having too much different music played in the background, I´ll shorten this to 1 or 2 tracks.

Also that purchasing the rights of music may be too expensive for an independant company, especially with regard to all the talented independant musicians I know of. I think of screenplays as of a blanket: you can fill it, but it´s somehow totally interchangeable. So when I mention all these songs, I just want to provide an entity of something, that inspires the reader. If the director chooses completely different tracks, I will not be disappointed as long as he respects my vision, since in any case I´ll respect his ones.

I think screenwriters just have the gift of creating something out of nowhere, whereas most directors live to such an extent in visual worlds, that there is no beginning and no end with absolutely no way to create something from a to z on their own. When they finally find a screenplay that really tickles their imagination, it only triggers something in their vast world of imagination - there is no direct transmission as it is always the case with art. Like Tarantino said about "True Romance" which he sold in order to be able to make his first movie "Reservoir Dogs": He liked Tony Scott´s Vision but he would have made a completely different movie. That´s the exact situation of a screenwriter collaborating with a director, nobody can take your fantasy away, when you wrote the script. If you don´t direct it yourself, you´re simply in the situation Tarantino was.

By the way, your comment on the English being a bit stilted, is oddly enough a compliment for someone who isn´t a native American nor hasn´t lived in an english-speaking country. That´s where I completely trust the actors who always work the dialogues out in order to convey a feeling of authenticity. I would love to enhance them myself, but that´s unfortunately beyond my power.

I thank you for all the formatting advices, which will have me do quite some overtime within the next weeks - but hey, since I´m an independant artist I´m on paid vacation for the rest of my life, so it definitely will fit in. If I do a thing, I do it a hundred percent or I throw it into the trash and never look back, there´s no in between.

 

[FantasySciFi]

I do appreciate the time you put in to writing it. I don't mean to offend as I do believe you have a creative story. And while that format may work well in European film production, most writers hope to market their scripts to Hollywood. I can only advise what would best impress an American producer and what standards are expected for it to even get in the door. They are observations that you are free to ignore.

I totally understand that the music and imagery has a coherence to the whole. Having worked inside the industry, I can only assure you of their indifference. If optioned or purchased, this script will be altered to meet their needs. The only way to assure faithfulness to your script is for you to produce it yourself. I have been down this road with other writers. Once you sell a script, it is no longer yours. Period. You sign over all rights. Martins can become Linda. It can be set in London rather than Washington. As I tell my students, don't get to invested in your script if you intend to sell it.

I have posted links to Lucas' original draft and the final draft written aided by another screenwriter. They are miles apart. Lucas is a very creative man and visionary but the original script was poor. F. Scott Fitzgerald was a good writer but failed miserably as a screenwriter. I'm not stating that all writers are bad screenwriters or can't learn, I am stating that creative writers are used to embellishing to create a rich landscape that the reader can step into. Reducing a 600 page book to 130 pages is not easy when every nuance seems to have importance to the story. Screenwriters need to create "Cliff Notes" or condensed versions of the story. And often producers like to enhance stories that they don't feel reaches the audience.

We have many international contributors. Ihre englisch ist besser dass meine deutsch. It was meant as a compliment but also acknowledging that if submitted to a Hollywood producer, you would want a fluent American English speaker to proof it since it takes place in the USA.

You want to break up large paragraphs into visual shots. The reason is that it helps a producer/director visualize the action more easily. Second, it helps to better gauge the actual timing when you have proper white to black page balance. I would guess that if your script were properly broken out, the length is closer to 300 pages or a 5 hour film.

It is not always about shortening a scene but properly "punctuating" it with spaces.

Martin glances about spotting a pot in the back.  He points at it
and slip several peso notes on the counter.

The shopkeeper's face breaks into a toothy smile, he nods and
disappears behind a curtain.

Martin watches then dashes behind the counter and checks for 
weapons.  Until Martin hears him returning and he hastily slips 
back around just in time.

This lets me visualize the shots. An over the shoulder (OTS) of the shopkeeper of Martin. Possibly a filler shot of a pot. A close-up of the shopkeeper grinning. A wide shot of Martin slipping back to search for weapons before he returns. I don't have to write in shot directions, this is a spec script not a shooting script. However, it allows a director to pick it up and visualize the scene. Applying this break out to some of your very dense paragraphs would expand them out substantially. So your film script is really much longer than you think it is. This kind of formatting has evolved and yields fairly accurate results of one page = one minute. Understanding this, you either need to break up your script into two 150 page scripts or you need to decide what content can be removed.

What you need to do as a screenwriter is decide how important is this scene to the story. Does Martin need to go into this shop. "How much of the story will unravel if I did not include it?" is the hard question you need to ask at every juncture. From personal experience, I know that everything I write can feel very necessary. An outside reader can often see what can be eliminated because they don't have the same investment as the original author. I'm telling you that essentially 75-100 pages need to come out of your current script to be shootable and have a run time of 2.5 hours.

In general, keep dialogue restricted to major characters. Minimize the number of locations and re-use them when possible. Consolidate actions. The scene outside the bar was not necessary. You could have started with him walking in, finding a seat to check his backpack. Those scene paragraphs are so dense, it's hard to visualize what's happening. As I did above you need to explode them into shots.

Screenwriting is part art and part craft. You can guide people to understand color and composition but in the end, there is something innate that is the creative side. The script is used by many people beside the director--casting directors, location scouts, prop masters, ADs for scheduling, clothing designers, sound engineers, etc. They expect a standard format. The script is a blueprint used by many other creative professionals.

I certainly want to encourage to go through and make changes. I want to be clear, my comments are not directed at the creative content but its presentation. Unfortunately, your presentation makes it difficult to see the content. I try not to be harsh but not being honest about areas that need improvement would not help you. My purpose is not to discourage you but help you succeed. Viel Glueck!

 

[Olaf Blunk]

You want to break up large paragraphs into visual shots. The reason is that it helps a producer/director visualize the action more easily. Second, it helps to better gauge the actual timing when you have proper white to black page balance.

Well I tried to heed your advice, and since you mentioned that pages 8 to 14 catched your attention, I only focussed on the disco scene:


EXT. WASHINGTON,D.C., DISCO AREA - NIGHT

Lots of young people standing around drinking, smoking and joking.

Dull, monotonous beats, colourful lights, keyed up laughter, sounds of bottles cracking on the ground.

An atmosphere of mischief and disaster.

Martin, the main character, appears, is seen from behind.

He is wearing a white cloak, grey corduroy pants and brown soft leather shoes.

His posture is the one of a balanced, well-trained mid thirty.

Martin walks past the crowd, then enters a disco.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - WARDROBE

Martin is concentrated and relaxed at the same time, he emits an aura of experience, though his face is the one of a young man.

He hands his backpack to the clerk, then has a quick look on his watch.

He passes the bald headed security guy who nods tiredly.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - DANCING AREA

Black light, smoke, loud music out of overdriven speakers.

Surreal figures do the usual witches´ dance in order to prove themselves and to impress others.

Martin passes the dancing area and walks to a group of shy teen girls in the bar area.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - BAR AREA

Martin is seen from behind, sitting at the bar.

H pulls a cell out of his jacket, clips a headset into it, switches around. Different police radio stations are heard.

A muscled guy with a bald head accidentally spills beer on his trousers, then apologises several times.

Martin nods mildly, his only focus is to draw no attention on him.

Martin has another look at his watch, while looking around, getting more and more impatient.

Then he suddenly realises that the barkeeper makes suspicious moves and wears a headset.

Martin thereupon decides to walk to a young woman, who seems to be a student.

She is tall, blonde and wears a shiny bright blue cloak.

Martin´s appearance triggers enthusiasm in the slightly drunk woman, as if a knight in shining armour was suddenly presented to her.

Martin fidgets with his cell phone, pretending that it is broken, while he makes some quick shots of the barkeeper.

The woman asks for a dance, whereupon Martin quickly embraces and kisses her. She reacts surprised but pleased.

He makes a gesture in the direction of consumed air, takes the woman by her sleeve.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - DANCING AREA

Both head to the exit.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - WARDROBE

Martin all of a sudden realises a red dot laser on the cloak of his female company.

Close up of the blood on his hand, while the woman goes down.

Martin jumps over the wood counter of the wardrobe like lightning, while the wardrobe clerk gets shot.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - DARK AREA

A Hippie with filthy blonde hair fires several times with a chrome pistol with mounted red dot laser.

Martin blasts him with several shots against the wall.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - DANCING AREA

The crowd panics and rushes towards the main exit.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - BAR AREA

The barkeeper is seen giving hastily commands over his headset.


INT. DISCO "OLD CANTEEN" - WARDROBE

Police and swat teams arrive, meanwhile the music has stopped to play.

Martin throws away his gun, stands up and pointedly circles around with risen arms.


I´m really honored that such an experienced person like you took his time and used his energy in order to give a detailed advice.

Frankly speaking, your post had a devastating effect though.

Now I´m used to it, please proceed... *joke*

 

[FantasySciFi]

I've been where you've been. In many ways, screenwriting frees the writer to focus less on providing detail and more on story and character development. Details are a production issue. While we are the architects, we're not the interior designers.

You made a good start. Some of your descriptions though are explanatory statements which need to be translated to something on the screen. The viewers of the film aren't reading along. Your script needs to describe what the viewer sees and hears.

I've initiated a devastation avoidance shield. You may hover your cursor over the black to see what lies beneath at your discretion .

Spoiler

"An atmosphere of mischief and disaster." -- what does that look and sound like? You describe that nicely with "Dull, monotonous beats, colorful lights, keyed up laughter, sounds of bottles cracking on the ground" so it doesn't need to be repeated. You show that Martin is the main character by his actions, don't just say it. It should be obvious to the viewer (and reader). Unless the specific style of clothing is explicitly necessary, don't get too specific because it will depend on the wardrobe designer to put together the color/texture combinations. It's okay in the beginning to give a sense of his style, but don't routinely describe wardrobe. It is the director's call how the scene is shot. You mention "from behind" several times. While this can be a personal choice, in general, "from behind" is used when we (the audience) don't know who it is because they face away from the camera. But the blocking is a director issue, not a writer issue. Once you introduced Martin, he is known so how he's filmed is not our issue. How do you show "he's not trying to draw attention to himself." That is an explanation of a behavior to a reader not what the viewer would see. You need a visual description of what that would look or sound like on screen.

Here is how I might modify your description. The parts in blue seem to contribute little to the scene. If unconnected to later developments, they could be deleted without much loss. Again, pay attention to your sluglines. I'm not saying this is the only way or the best way to write this scene. This is just an adaptation that follows your original closely for comparison.

[SPOILER]EXT. WASHINGTON D.C., DOWNTOWN DISCO AREA - NIGHT

Dull, monotonous beats, colorful lights, keyed up laughter, 
sounds of bottles cracking on the ground.  Lots of young 
people standing around drinking, smoking and joking.

Martin (mid 30s),  wearing a cloak, corduroy pants and 
soft leather shoes, has an assured bearing that sets him
apart as he passes through the crowd and enters a disco,
"Old Canteen".


INT. OLD CANTEEN, WARDROBE - NIGHT

Martin emits an aura of experience, relaxed but aware of his
surroundings.

He checks his backpack with the clerk and glances at his watch.


INT. OLD CANTEEN, DANCING AREA - NIGHT

Black light, smoke, loud music out of pounding speakers.  
Swirling figures do the usual witches´ dance, moving between
the bar, dance floor and dark private recesses.

[COLOR="Blue"]Martin pauses briefly and the bald security guy nods him through.[/COLOR]

Martin passes the dancing area and walks to [COLOR="Blue"]a group of shy teen 
girls in[/COLOR] the bar area.


INT. OLD CANTEEN, BAR - NIGHT

Martin slides into the bar stool and glances about.  He pulls a cell 
phone from his jacket, clips a headset into it, and switches around. 

Different police radio stations echo through the headset as he
surveys around the club.

[COLOR="Blue"]A bald, muscular guy bumps into him and spills beer on Martin's 
trousers.  The man apologizes several times.  Martin nods and
dismisses it and looks uncomfortably at his watch.[/COLOR]

Martin scowls as he looks back at the entrance.

The barkeeper's moves are deliberate as he watches Martin.

Their eyes meet and Martin notes he also wears a headset.

Martin rises and approaches a tall blonde in her mid 20s wearing 
a bright blue cloak.  They exchange glances.  A seductive smile
crosses her face as she nurses a drink.

Martin fidgets with his cell phone as if broken.  He snaps quick 
shots of the barkeeper.

Martin leans in and whispers in the girl's ear.  Her face reveals
surprise and pleasure.  She is slightly wobbly as Martin helps
her to stand and guide her toward the exit.


INT. OLD CANTEEN, WARDROBE - NIGHT

Martin embraces and kisses her.  He hands the clerk his check
tag and sees

a red laser dot on the cloak of his female companion.

Her face goes white in a silent gasp as she collapses in his 
arms.  She slips to the ground.

He stares at the blood on his hands.

Martin jumps over the wood counter of the wardrobe as the 
wardrobe clerk is shot.


INT. OLD CANTEEN, DANCING AREA - NIGHT

From a recess, a filthy, blond hippie (late 20s) emerges and 
fires several rounds with an assault weapon with a mounted 
laser guide.

He is thrown  against the wall by several shots.

The music stops abruptly and the crowd panics, rushing to exit.  

From the bar, the barkeeper gives commands over his headset.


INT. OLD CANTEEN, WARDROBE - NIGHT

Martin stands with his gun pointed in that direction.

Police and swat teams swarm the area surrounding Martin.

He throws away his gun, stands and turns around with raised arms.[/SPOILER]

 

[Olaf Blunk]

Well that´s outstanding, a complete rewrite from your artistic point of view all together with plush/let down-bars (lol).

So from your point of view directions like close shot, view from above, zoom etc. are not elements of a script. That´s really a surprise, since I read scripts containing it, must have been scripts from authors who also direct their movies themselves.

It´s by the way very interesting what you saw in this part of the script and what you didn´t .

If I get you right only describe what one can see/hear/feel, not what one could associate/think/interpret and leave the music to the composer, the wardrobe to the costume desiger, the camera angles to the director and so forth. Feels kind of weird only to provide bare and simple information, but I think I must get rid of playing director when writing anyway, so that´s acceptable.

So when re-written and optimized to the maximum (hoping to get a native American as dialogue coach, though only have one friend in the States who is very busy with his vineyard), what would you recommend in order to promote the script? As for now it is online on Amazon Studios plus I designed a website for it. Additionally I signed up for IMDb Pro, where I sent several e-mails to the agencies of favorised directors, especially Anton Corbijn whose "The American" inspired me the most. Do you think it´s a good idea to send script excerpts as mails/letters to the big Hollywood studios such as Universal or are the writers forums really the only glimmer of hope in a machinery that is mainly based on money, dumbness and popcorn?

 

[directorik]

Feels kind of weird only to provide bare and simple information,

The screenplay is an unusual way of writing, isn't it? It is not the end product.
It is the foundation of something much bigger. Many other creative people will
shape the end product. So the general advice is to limit your screenplay to the
story. It feels kind of weird. But it's best to allow the actors to bring the emotions
and the director and DP to choose camera angles and the costumer designer to
choose the wardrobe and the music supervisor to choose the music.

There are many different ways to film a scene so including camera angles is not
needed - they are not essential to your story. And unlike a novel the screenplay
isn't where the writer sets the mood. The screenplay should be the story only.
Yes, you have read scripts that include all these things and if you feel you want
to emulate those writers then you can do so. But for a previously unproduced
writer trying to sell a screenplay in the States I, too, recommend you follow the
standard screenplay methods. Once you are a produced writer or are producing
and/or directing then you can emulate the other writers you have read.

So when re-written and optimized to the maximum (hoping to get a native American as dialogue coach, though only have one friend in the States who is very busy with his vineyard), what would you recommend in order to promote the script? As for now it is online on Amazon Studios plus I designed a website for it. Additionally I signed up for IMDb Pro, where I sent several e-mails to the agencies of favorised directors, especially Anton Corbijn whose "The American" inspired me the most. Do you think it´s a good idea to send script excerpts as mails/letters to the big Hollywood studios such as Universal or are the writers forums really the only glimmer of hope in a machinery that is mainly based on money, dumbness and popcorn?

It's a good idea to send query letters but not script samples. No studio will read
samples or scripts. Few will respond to query letters. The big Hollywood studios
get hundreds of thousands of samples and queries and scripts a year. They just
don't have the time (or money) to process them all. Most writers start in low
budget projects and then get an agent where they work on assignment for many
years before they sell their "first" original screenplay.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

Sending query letters without script excerpts sounds surprising to me, but ok, I get the point. Letters is all I´ve got, so this won´t be much of a challenge. This weird feeling of emptyness...

 

[directorik]

Sending query letters without script excerpts sounds surprising to me,

The film industry in the States is quite different than the film industry
in Europe. Script excerpts are generally useless. Studios aren't interested
the excerpts, they are interested in the story. To be specific they are
interested in the marketability of the story. Your writing may be excellent
but if the studios do not feel they can make a movie from your screenplay
that millions of people will pay to see then excellent writing doesn't matter.

Managers and agents on the other hand are interested in the talent of the
writer. Because they are looking at the long term - a writer who will work
consistently and make a lot of money.

The way I understand it, the film industry in Germany is more interested in
artistic expression than in huge audiences. So I suspect they changes the
way German studios and producers look for scripts.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

The way I understand it, the film industry in Germany is more interested in
artistic expression than in huge audiences. So I suspect they changes the
way German studios and producers look for scripts.

Well offering only the advertisement of something written instead of the words itself isn´t usual here.

So do you recommend e-mails or real letters for queries?

 

[FantasySciFi]

Well that´s outstanding, a complete rewrite from your artistic point of view all together with plush/let down-bars (lol).

So from your point of view directions like close shot, view from above, zoom etc. are not elements of a script. That´s really a surprise, since I read scripts containing it, must have been scripts from authors who also direct their movies themselves.

They should not be common elements of a spec script. At least not in the spec script of an unknown writer. I didn't say it was wrong just that it's best not to get into the habit of including them. The reality is that most directors and producers who get your script will ignore what you've written and shoot it from their vision, not yours. You're not even guaranteed your script will be the same after it is purchased. If you want a faithful rendition, you need to direct/produce it yourself.

It´s by the way very interesting what you saw in this part of the script and what you didn´t .

If I get you right only describe what one can see/hear/feel, not what one could associate/think/interpret and leave the music to the composer, the wardrobe to the costume desiger, the camera angles to the director and so forth. Feels kind of weird only to provide bare and simple information, but I think I must get rid of playing director when writing anyway, so that´s acceptable.

Precisely. Screenwriting is not about thinking and interpreting but creating snapshots of character actions. And as I did, bundling related actions which would reasonably appear as camera shots. Spec screenwriting is the art of suggesting shots and composition without actually directing. It can feel weird when a writer comes from a creative writing background but brevity is a necessity. The focus is on what the characters do and say rather than background description. Your goal is to tell your story in 120 pages.

Sending query letters without script excerpts sounds surprising to me, but ok, I get the point. Letters is all I´ve got, so this won´t be much of a challenge. This weird feeling of emptyness...

Well offering only the advertisement of something written instead of the words itself isn´t usual here.

So do you recommend e-mails or real letters for queries?

The volume of scripts that flood most agencies in Hollywood is staggering. They need some way to control the volume and weed out the good from the bad. So the query letter is a teaser and sales opportunity. You may be asked for a writing sample or a copy of your script. Most directors or producers in Hollywood don't work with first time writers. For that reason, it is best if you can work with local directors to get established.

Say you posted a note that you are willing to pay 100 euros for the best family recipe in Ulm in a newspaper. If everyone in Ulm sent you their favorite family recipe, you would be overwhelmed. You might specify, you only want 'chicken dishes'. Still the onslaught would be large. You may hire people who know how to cook to eliminate fake recipes, duplicates and to identify truly outstanding recipes. If the recipes don't follow a standard format, they get pitched no matter how good they maybe. For every recipe that doesn't list ingredients, there are 400 more that do. There are just too many to worry about a non-conformist. Narrowing it down can be quite challenging until there are just a handful that you review. Would you want people sending prepared dishes rather than the recipe? You have experienced chefs submitting along with bachelor cooks who buy frozen chicken dinners. Are you more likely to consider a chef's recipe before the others?

From the writer's perspective it can seem ridiculous. Why just a query letter? Why follow a standard format? Yet from the producer's perspective, it is easy to be overwhelmed. They can easily know that an experienced writer is more likely to produce a profitable film. A known chef (or writer) has a fan-base.

Perhaps you should submit locally first. Rewrite it for a German audience. Or work with a local director to get a film produced. As a produced screenwriter, you will have more credibility than simply sending emails. Remember, you're sending one email, they are receiving hundreds or thousands. Most writers picked up in Hollywood already have a couple projects under their belts. Or you could get your book onto the bestseller's list. That can be a good introduction.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

They should not be common elements of a spec script. At least not in the spec script of an unknown writer.

The term "spec script" rang a bell in my consciousneess, since it wasn´t obvious to me, what should have been obvious: the speculative nature of proposing a script to someone, whom you sell it to rather than directing it yourself.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

Perhaps you should submit locally first. Rewrite it for a German audience. Or work with a local director to get a film produced.

Since there is absolutely no financial way for German movie producers to realise a big budget action thriller, the only possibility to see my script come to life is unfortunately nailed to the great US of A.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

Say you posted a note that you are willing to pay 100 euros for the best family recipe in Ulm in a newspaper. If everyone in Ulm sent you their favorite family recipe, you would be overwhelmed. You might specify, you only want 'chicken dishes'.

...well, let´s see what could be offered:

three cups of drama

two ounces of action

a tablespoon of thrill

and, last not but not least:

250 ml of sex, carefully dosed

Mix it with mainstream movie stars, a visually talented director and some able marketing guys and you´ve got the next summer blockbuster...

I´ll rewrite the script within the next months, this time with having all the money in mind that it´ll cost to bring it to life, yet without betraying the quintessence of the novel in it.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

Here´s the dream cast that I envisioned for the script:

Martin : Christian Bale
Bernhard : Karl Urban
Susan : Gretchen Mol
Doc : Treat Williams
Vivy : Lena Headey

Javier : Vincent D´Onofrio
Raul : Mark Strong
Carlos : Carlos Gomez
Alexander : Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
Chris : Gerald Butler

John : Kim Coates
Carl : David Morse
Lucilla : Lynn Hung
Balthasar : Liev Schreiber
Jose : Adrian Paul

Supermarket Agent 1 : Mark Ruffalo
Supermarket Agent 2 : Jeff Fahey
Supermarket Agent 3 : Stanley Tucci
Supermarket Agent 4 : Corey Stoll
Supermarket Agent 5 : Natasha Gregson-Wagner

Camilla : Moon Bloodgood
Hippie : Stephen Dorff

Although mentioning big names doesn´t make the script better, it perhaps works as a visual aid when reading and imagining it.

 

[directorik]

When I read a script I like to imagine the actors I like in the parts.
Not the actors the writer likes.

Since there is absolutely no financial way for German movie producers to realise a big budget action thriller, the only possibility to see my script come to life is unfortunately nailed to the great US of A.

FantasySciFi's advice is to write a different screenplay and get it
produced in Germany. That way you are a produced screenwriter
when you pitch in the US. It's excellent advice.

 

[Olaf Blunk]

FantasySciFi's advice is to write a different screenplay and get it produced in Germany. That way you are a produced screenwriter when you pitch in the US. It's excellent advice.

Maybe I´ll do this, since a friend of mine wrote a fantasy novel I could base a screenplay on.