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  • Can you make a film in 21 days?
    Indie of the Month May

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sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
I liked the shot at 1:43. almost like a zoom cut

I would take about 45 seconds to 60 seconds out of this film if i were the editor
 
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sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Fair enough, but then you'd have to find something to add to the story?
No the challenge is to distill the story.
When you tell the same story in an increasingly concise manner it becomes clearer and more powerful.

film is the opposite of sex. You don’t want too much foreplay or it gets boring. You want to set the scene yeah you do. But then jump right into the drama. a long focus on building up to something actually diminishes the impact when we get there. After showing a beat once yo u need to move the story on and have the next beat be very different
 
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sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
Okay so my favorite shot was at 1:43
Do you think you could make that shot happen 10 seconds sooner? 20? Surely you can cut a half a second here and there.

Lets take a look shall we. Your movie doesnt even start for 23 seconds. TWENTY THREE lol
we already saw the title. we already saw the thumbnail. play the movie for petes sake.

the tv shot is overexposed. you could have made the TV bright green and then chroma key in the image and it would look absolutely perfect
or light differently so that theres not such a problem with your dynamic range

anyway lets move on - SIX SECONDS of her thumbs on a controller. Youre that fascinated by her hands? six seconds is an eternity.
Unless its fast action I dont like going below 2 second cuts personally, i think its disorienting. So I would say cut out 4 seconds here. Just 2 seconds of the hands on the controller.

I like dark stylized lighting but having half her face in shadow, and the other half in static light does not sell the illusion that she is in front of a television. the light should be dancing across her face if the tv is on. also for the "mask face" person the light is coming from the right side and on the "girl face" the light is all coming from the left side. it doesnt seem to match yet they're supposed to be in the same location

Lets do a count shall we - How many times do we see a close up of these two before the 1:43 (my favorite shot) eight times.
You cut back and forth between them eight times before we get to my favorite shot. Maybe we can get to this shot faster if you challenge yourself.

Okay done for now :)
 
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Okay so my favorite shot was at 1:43
Do you think you could make that shot happen 10 seconds sooner? 20? Surely you can cut a half a second here and there.

Lets take a look shall we. Your movie doesnt even start for 23 seconds. TWENTY THREE lol
we already saw the title. we already saw the thumbnail. play the movie for petes sake.

the tv shot is overexposed. you could have made the TV bright green and then chroma key in the image and it would look absolutely perfect
or light differently so that theres not such a problem with your dynamic range

anyway lets move on - SIX SECONDS of her thumbs on a controller. Youre that fascinated by her hands? six seconds is an eternity.
Unless its fast action I dont like going below 2 second cuts personally, i think its disorienting. So I would say cut out 4 seconds here. Just 2 seconds of the hands on the controller.

I like dark stylized lighting but having half her face in shadow, and the other half in static light does not sell the illusion that she is in front of a television. the light should be dancing across her face if the tv is on. also for the "mask face" person the light is coming from the right side and on the "girl face" the light is all coming from the left side. it doesnt seem to match yet they're supposed to be in the same location

Lets do a count shall we - How many times do we see a close up of these two before the 1:43 (my favorite shot) eight times.
You cut back and forth between them eight times before we get to my favorite shot. Maybe we can get to this shot faster if you challenge yourself.

Okay done for now :)
Cool, thanks. I'll think about all that for the next one :)
 
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