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watch Short: "Three guns"

J

jerfai

Hi People from indietalk,

As many here, I've done a movie, I'm a director, lalala, and my next movie is to be release end of Jan. I have a teaser that I'd like you guys to have a look at.

What I quite like with this forum is Premier members and Guru are honest with their comments (and sometimes Reeaaalllly down to earth/kick in the face type comments - which is good!).

It's always nice to hear "that's good" or "I like it" but feel free to say "this scene is horrible" or "wtf is he doing with the dialogue?"

so please help yourself with my trailer:

http://vimeo.com/17969644

Title: "Three Guns"

Pitch:
Three murderers are competing to kill the same target.

Synopsis:
Winston is contacted by Lenny a powerful local mobster over a series of murders in Lenny's gang. Lenny asks Winston to find and kill the people responsible for this, to which Winston agrees. Winston faces a real challenge as the job isn't easy and involves dangerous individuals but Winston eventually finds a way to fulfil his objective: he's hiring three murderers and the first murderer to get the job done will get the reward.
 
Hey I'm no film buff but I'll try to give some observations:
-I like the shot at :05 with the fence reeling by.
-Is it just me or is the voice not synced to the mouth at :13?
-The face-punch at :43 seems out of place without context, seems slapstick, and has an exaggerated foley, which works if that's what you're goin for.
-at :50 the punches look under-choreographed, like those punches wouldn't actually hurt somebody. Also there's no head-punch sound, though that's not necessary in my opinion, but kind of confusing considering the shot at :43 uses hardcore face-punch sound.
The acting seems to range from great to mediocre, but that's how things go. I was impressed wit the sound quality, it's alot better than most of the short films I see. The background music might be a little loud, hard to hear the dialogue. The movie logo seems a little amateurish, it could be a lot simpler and still have impact IMO. Like I said I'm more of a movie watcher than a guru, so I hope any of this can be of help.
 
Hey thanks for your comments.

Mandy: even tho it's just a trailer, it gives a feel of what the final product gonna look like! if you like the trailer, hopefully you'll like the movie! (no I didn't take only the best bit)
 
Hey, man.

That's good. I like it. Except, this scene is horrible. And, wtf is he doing with the dialogue?

;)

It looks like you shot it well. And, I like the high energy of the trailer. I have two problems, though. If it weren't for your synopsis in this thread, I wouldn't really know much about this movie. And, the music totally drowns out the dialogue.

Best of luck!
 
Hey cracker, thanks for the feedback!

A problem you raised and that I'm actually facing is that I'm so much into the post production working on it 80h per week that I completely lost track of whether or not my film makes sense.

do you guys have tips to solve this problem (i.e.: how do I make sure that my story is understandable)?

Thanks!
 
jerfai said:
Hey cracker, thanks for the feedback!

A problem you raised and that I'm actually facing is that I'm so much into the post production working on it 80h per week that I completely lost track of whether or not my film makes sense.

do you guys have tips to solve this problem (i.e.: how do I make sure that my story is understandable)?

Thanks!
Click to expand...

This is why I don't edit my own movies. That's part of the editor's job to be the "eyes" of the audience as far as pacing, does it make sense, etc...

I'd suggest screening it for some people, preferably that you don't know, and getting their reaction.
 
I guess it's a good idea to screen in front of people who don't know anything about the movie or yourself...

not editing my movies would be the best but I guess this is only possible if you're able to hire a movie editor...
 
Looks interesting. Maybe it could use a little re-editing to make it clearer. For instance, I don't know if anything of the plot of the movie was conveyed...maybe only a premise. Then again, I don't know that a trailer needs to do so. But don't they usually?

One little picky point. Unless this is a period piece, as in pre-911, do bad guys still speak so explicitly about murder plans on the phone in this post-911 world? I recently watched the entire Sopranos series and I'm also thinking of documentaries on the war on terror and how law enforcement agencies can now pull even satelite signals from the sky and I'm thinking mostly they probably don't...the bad guys, that is. And since the employer is a mob boss, I'd have to guess that the law is watching...and listening. Unless it's like Jason Bourne using those disposable cel phone thingies. Dunno.

Hope it all comes together for you.
 
Hi Everyone,

I eventually made it through post production and I had a first preview with people who participated to the film and some friends. But you know how it is: everything is fantastic, they love it all and while you feel grateful and full of confidence, it might not be always the truth...

now I'd like to get some feedback from you guys, tell me what you like, what you didn't like, what doesn't look pro, etc....

http://vimeo.com/20670713

password: jeromefilm1

As I consider it as a screener, I will leave it for a week and then remove the video.

Thanks!

J

Note: although I've stick to Vimeo guidelines for uploading, the film is slightly out of sync.
 
Just tried to watch - sorry but although: "Note: although I've stick to Vimeo guidelines for uploading, the film is slightly out of sync."

It really is unwatchable - try and re-upload - no?

All the best, Jim.
 
Freaking amazing.Nice camera work and lightning, it was really well done.

Try to make your nexts shorts shorter, i bet will be amazing and maybe you'll get invited to some festivals and stuff.Good Luck.
 
@Mitter: did you have a chance to watch it?

@Jamster: I tried on a few different computer and it seems ok. I've noticed it runs better on faster computer. I'll try to re-upload it but for the meantime if anyone else experience a terrible out of sync let me know.

cheers,
 
What?LoL, i already said what i thought of the movie

"Freaking amazing.Nice camera work and lightning, it was really well done.

Try to make your nexts shorts shorter, i bet will be amazing and maybe you'll get invited to some festivals and stuff.Good Luck. "

This wasn't about the trailer.
 
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