Im in the process of writing my first screenplay, i know what my conflict is and the concept of the whole script. Im just having one major problem. The first 10 pages. I know i want to start with my main charcter unconcious on a path, but im not sure how to lead on from there. One obvious example would be going to the hospital but i want my character to be stubborn. Any ideas on how i cold get from him on the path?
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Screenwriting troubles
- Thread starter Crazings
- Start date
But really unless it is really necessary to have memory loss (like in the Bourne Conspiracy), I'd just have him sleuth it out.
Well, i would love to use somthing similar along the lines to that idea, but i'm not sure i could be able to pull that off. Would the brick to the head allow for a possible 3-5 hours of lost memory which would then be regained throughout the moive. Because in the film im also looking to do a stalker plot and there is a plot that involves Lucy that happens 2 days before the incident.
A basic blow to the head is unlikely to cause memory loss. However, if you want a plausible 3-5 hour memory loss, you can use a date rape drug or hit him with a high-powered Taser. Tasers scramble the electrical signal and have been known to induce memory loss.
Maybe the assailant stuns him and is jacking him to kill him when someone wanders onto the scene. The assailant is forced to run before the electro-execution is complete. But he's been jolted enough to have lost--let's be generous--8 hours of his memories. Drugs have been known to induce memory loss for up to 8-10 hours after to their use with 1-4 hours of memory loss prior to begin taken (anterograde amnesia).
Hope that helps.
Maybe the assailant stuns him and is jacking him to kill him when someone wanders onto the scene. The assailant is forced to run before the electro-execution is complete. But he's been jolted enough to have lost--let's be generous--8 hours of his memories. Drugs have been known to induce memory loss for up to 8-10 hours after to their use with 1-4 hours of memory loss prior to begin taken (anterograde amnesia).
Hope that helps.
A couple of questions regarding Lewis getting assailed:
a) why is the hooded figure slower to get up after rugby tackling Lewis? I would think that since he had the "jump on" Lewis, he would still be fresh and able to continue his assault on him.
b) Why does Lewis seem to shrug off the tackle as if this were something that happened everyday? I mean if I was out at night on the phone and some hooded figure tackled me from out of nowhere, I would be pretty pissed off and the phone would not be the first thing on my mind after picking myself off the ground.
c) why is the phone smashed and broken next to his body? I thought he dropped it when he realized someone was after him?
d) If Lewis has no recollection of Lucy, does he look around and see the spot of dried blood, broken, blood-stained brick and think that maybe she was the assailant?
a) why is the hooded figure slower to get up after rugby tackling Lewis? I would think that since he had the "jump on" Lewis, he would still be fresh and able to continue his assault on him.
b) Why does Lewis seem to shrug off the tackle as if this were something that happened everyday? I mean if I was out at night on the phone and some hooded figure tackled me from out of nowhere, I would be pretty pissed off and the phone would not be the first thing on my mind after picking myself off the ground.
c) why is the phone smashed and broken next to his body? I thought he dropped it when he realized someone was after him?
d) If Lewis has no recollection of Lucy, does he look around and see the spot of dried blood, broken, blood-stained brick and think that maybe she was the assailant?
His drink is spiked at a bar, which is revealed near to the end. I use my opening scene of his attack with the brick as well. Would it be possible to lose 3-5 hours of memories that he would later regained as the film went on?
I use the taser option, he has been jolted a few times, the assailant hears someone coming which causes him to leave, takes a rock or brick and chucks it and it blows him to the back of the head. Would that be able to cause the memory loss i seek?
Just two sceranios i have come up with?
To farfetched or not?
I use the taser option, he has been jolted a few times, the assailant hears someone coming which causes him to leave, takes a rock or brick and chucks it and it blows him to the back of the head. Would that be able to cause the memory loss i seek?
Just two sceranios i have come up with?
To farfetched or not?
I have just been going throught my first few pages polishing up some things and making them sound realistic.
fade in
EXT. street - night
Lewis is walking along a path lit dimly with street lamps talking on the phone
Lewis
Look I'm telling you, i haven't seen or heard from her since Saturday.
Matt (os)
I know man i believe you, its just rumors are starting to spread
Lewis stops under a tree
The sound of someone running is heard in the background
Lewis
Yeah and we all know who that is...
The footsteps get louder, Lewis turns around to see who is making the noise. A hooded figure rugby tackles him to the floor, his phone drops to the floor.
MATT(OS)
(angry)
Lewis just fucking speak to me
The hooded figure on top of Lewis pulls his fist up in the air readying to strike Lewis
As the hooded figure goes to strike Lewis, Lewis attempts to move from his grasp which unbalances the figure as he strikes and causes him to punch the floor
HOODED FIGURE
AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!
The hooded figure kicking his feet up and down on the floor
Lewis slowly gets up using a lamppost for support, he takes his chance and slowly starts jogging away
ext. path next to under path - night
Lewis speeds up as he runs down a hill, he slips at the bottom of the hill losing balance and sliding onto the floor quickly but regaining it easily.
ext. under path - night
Lewis runs through the under path with his footsteps echoing
EXT. PATH hill - night
He exits the under path. As he starts running up the hill, the figures footsteps can be heard echoing. He passes a set of metal bars still running he dares to turn his head, he turns his head and as soon as his head is turned he trips up and falls to the floor.
He tries to pull himself, he gets arms length of the ground
THUD
Lewis falls to the floor
fade out
fade in
EXT. PATH HILL - day
Lewis is lying on top of the path hill in a small puddle of dried blood, there is a half a brick with a blood stain on it on the grass above him
Lucy is walking up the hill near Lewis, she is on a flip phone
Lucy
Look, don't lecture me, I'm going to see him now. Nothing will stop me from making things right...
She comes to the top of the hill and see's Lewis body,she looks horrified by the site of Lewis on the path. She walks up to him kneels down beside him and holds his hand, she puts his hand to his pulse to see if he is still alive.
LUCY
(sigh of relief)
I'm sorry
She looks down to the bottom of the hill and see's a couple walking there dog up the hill
She kisses his forehead and walks away with a tear in her eye
Lewis eyes open, his vision is dazed, everything he see's is blurred, he attempts to lift himself up with his arms, but has no energy to and falls back to the floor
He feels his face and feels the dried blood on his face
Footsteps are heard getting closer and closer
With his vision still blurred he see's a figure appear in front of him
LYDIA
(shocked)
Oh my god, Chris run back and get the car!
Lewis vision starts to readjust itself
He try's get up but is pressured gently to back sitting down
Lydia
(calmly)
Just rest boy, my boyfriends gone to get his car, we'll get you to a hospital in no time
LEWIS
(weakly)
No please, I'll be fine, it will be easier for me to go home
Lydia
Don't be daft, now whats your name
Lewis
Lewis...
He slowly sits up
Lewis (cont)
Can you just give me some space please
Lewis slowly with the help from Lydia stands up, he wobbles a bit still recovering from the attack
A car horn is heard, Lydia goes to the car to get Chris
Lewis slowly starts walking away from the couple, Lewis struggles to walk away and falls to the ground on his knees and hands
Lydia
Lewis, if you won't let us help you, at least let us take you home
Chris
Come on mate, you wont be able to make it any further
Lewis slowly stands up using the support of a bollard, his top is mucky he turns around to face the couple
LEWIS
As long as your telling the truth, I'll come
Lydia and Chris go to Lewis and put an arm round him and help him walk to and get in to the car,
The car door slams shut
fade in
EXT. street - night
Lewis is walking along a path lit dimly with street lamps talking on the phone
Lewis
Look I'm telling you, i haven't seen or heard from her since Saturday.
Matt (os)
I know man i believe you, its just rumors are starting to spread
Lewis stops under a tree
The sound of someone running is heard in the background
Lewis
Yeah and we all know who that is...
The footsteps get louder, Lewis turns around to see who is making the noise. A hooded figure rugby tackles him to the floor, his phone drops to the floor.
MATT(OS)
(angry)
Lewis just fucking speak to me
The hooded figure on top of Lewis pulls his fist up in the air readying to strike Lewis
As the hooded figure goes to strike Lewis, Lewis attempts to move from his grasp which unbalances the figure as he strikes and causes him to punch the floor
HOODED FIGURE
AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!
The hooded figure kicking his feet up and down on the floor
Lewis slowly gets up using a lamppost for support, he takes his chance and slowly starts jogging away
ext. path next to under path - night
Lewis speeds up as he runs down a hill, he slips at the bottom of the hill losing balance and sliding onto the floor quickly but regaining it easily.
ext. under path - night
Lewis runs through the under path with his footsteps echoing
EXT. PATH hill - night
He exits the under path. As he starts running up the hill, the figures footsteps can be heard echoing. He passes a set of metal bars still running he dares to turn his head, he turns his head and as soon as his head is turned he trips up and falls to the floor.
He tries to pull himself, he gets arms length of the ground
THUD
Lewis falls to the floor
fade out
fade in
EXT. PATH HILL - day
Lewis is lying on top of the path hill in a small puddle of dried blood, there is a half a brick with a blood stain on it on the grass above him
Lucy is walking up the hill near Lewis, she is on a flip phone
Lucy
Look, don't lecture me, I'm going to see him now. Nothing will stop me from making things right...
She comes to the top of the hill and see's Lewis body,she looks horrified by the site of Lewis on the path. She walks up to him kneels down beside him and holds his hand, she puts his hand to his pulse to see if he is still alive.
LUCY
(sigh of relief)
I'm sorry
She looks down to the bottom of the hill and see's a couple walking there dog up the hill
She kisses his forehead and walks away with a tear in her eye
Lewis eyes open, his vision is dazed, everything he see's is blurred, he attempts to lift himself up with his arms, but has no energy to and falls back to the floor
He feels his face and feels the dried blood on his face
Footsteps are heard getting closer and closer
With his vision still blurred he see's a figure appear in front of him
LYDIA
(shocked)
Oh my god, Chris run back and get the car!
Lewis vision starts to readjust itself
He try's get up but is pressured gently to back sitting down
Lydia
(calmly)
Just rest boy, my boyfriends gone to get his car, we'll get you to a hospital in no time
LEWIS
(weakly)
No please, I'll be fine, it will be easier for me to go home
Lydia
Don't be daft, now whats your name
Lewis
Lewis...
He slowly sits up
Lewis (cont)
Can you just give me some space please
Lewis slowly with the help from Lydia stands up, he wobbles a bit still recovering from the attack
A car horn is heard, Lydia goes to the car to get Chris
Lewis slowly starts walking away from the couple, Lewis struggles to walk away and falls to the ground on his knees and hands
Lydia
Lewis, if you won't let us help you, at least let us take you home
Chris
Come on mate, you wont be able to make it any further
Lewis slowly stands up using the support of a bollard, his top is mucky he turns around to face the couple
LEWIS
As long as your telling the truth, I'll come
Lydia and Chris go to Lewis and put an arm round him and help him walk to and get in to the car,
The car door slams shut
If you really want to add mystery and engage your reader, don't show him getting hit. Open with him lying on the path in a pool of blood. Grab the reader from page one. The reader (just like your audience) will wonder what the hell happened. They're on the same level of understanding as your character and are more likely to identify with him.
And it would make Lucy's reaction all the more curious, perhaps even making her a suspect.
And it would make Lucy's reaction all the more curious, perhaps even making her a suspect.
Ok. You're getting lots of ideas thrown at you and it may seem confusing. Bottom line, it's your story. So write it through as you envision it and then go back an tweak it as needed. You seem tied to the 'brick' so I assume it has some significance later. If it's just an issue of blood, a cut to the eye, cheek, or nose as a result of the assault is sufficient. Bottom line, he doesn't need to be hit with a rock or bleed to lose his memory--that's a visual choice. My comments below are in red.
I read your revised script, and it sounds more realistic to how someone recovering from something knocking them unconscious would respond. As was said earlier, don't let the first ten pages stop you from going on to page 11+. I promise after the first draft you will polish more than once.
I read your revised script, and it sounds more realistic to how someone recovering from something knocking them unconscious would respond. As was said earlier, don't let the first ten pages stop you from going on to page 11+. I promise after the first draft you will polish more than once.
Its been helpful and much appreiceted, finally getting past the frist 10 pages