It's definitely better than the first draft, probably needs a few more rewrites yet though.
There's still a little too much over-description going on for me. It's a problem I also have when writing as I'm trying to explain exactly how I picture the scene but it makes the writing clunky. What I do is go back through each sentence and ask myself, how much of that can I delete and still convey what's happening? Take it out and I guarantee it reads much better. Try reading some other screenplays in your genre where you have already seen the movie, compare how they describe the scene against what you actually end up seeing on the screen. The thing with vanessa's cigarette for example, there's several lines directing when she inhales and exhales etc. You need to allow the actor some licence of how to play it if it's not necessary for the story.
The only other suggestion I have is to look at your dialogue, some of it is good but other parts feel too formal, not quite how people would talk in real life (or in a movie). Again, another thing I try to do is picture a particular famous actor playing each role, usually someone who has played a similar type character in something else. I then imagine how they would respond to the previous line or situation. What terms would they use, what slang, how refined is their vocabulary, how common/posh are they? The scene with Clive and Scissors talking in the bar feels a bit unnatural, the way Clive gives him a lengthy lecture over Vanessa just doesn't ring true. Doesn't seem like a realistic conversation you'd hear between a pimp and a gruff truck driver.