UPDATE:
I'm taking a break from this script just so I can come back to it soon with fresher eyes but the discussion about this script is giving me lots of good insights into different perspectives on some of the issues raised. This in turns helps me in finding out things I may have missed as well as some things I never thought of while coming up with this idea.
mad_hatter,
That needs to be worked for sure, thanks for that input I want to make sure that what I intend to imply is evident in the story. Aside from Atheist ideals, I would like to cater to an audience that appreciates vampires as they were popularized in the days before Twilight. I think there needs to be a balance and a reminder once in a while to audiences of the more classical ideas of a vampire. Even though I've abandoned all the myths associated with them in my story, it depicts (or I intend it to depict) the vampire as being a creature closer to the traditional depiction.
Where the need for blood is concerned while they are very violent beings the extreme exhibition of that violence is expressed when they haven't fed (or if they were just turned) for a certain period of time. In this state they have no control over their actions whereas those vampires who maintain a consistent and regular consumption of blood have greater control over their violent tendencies.
One thing I wanted to avoid, and a hint of it was in the first draft, is the idea of the female vampire (or vampires of both genders) seducing humans into becoming a vampire. In the world of this story vampires haven't existed for centuries. I'll get back to this when responding to Maz's questions related to vampires and their numbers etc.
I can see where you're coming from there. I guess when you boil it down to who the characters are you have the vampire, the terrified man and the Preacher. The vampire is the antagonist, the terrified man represents the fear humanity has against the vampire and the Preacher represents religion. If I want more religious aspects to come out I need to work on that aspect more.
As for all horror fans being Atheist? Lol well I wouldn't say that all Atheists are horror fans but I'd say a fair few are. I understand that you're not implying there's anything wrong with fueling an Atheist's beliefs
Maz,
I agree, there is a lot that can be done in this universe you've created. Are the vampires concentrated in one area? Are there hundreds, thousands, millions? Why have they suddenly become a problem for the preacher and his community? Are they strengthening, growing in numbers? Or have they become more powerful?
I've given thought to these questions over the past couple of days and I've come up with the answers, just need to put it into the story in some way:
As I mentioned as part of my response to mad_hatter, the vampires haven't been around for centuries, only a few years. This being set during the early years of vampirism I would say that the vampires are concentrated only in a couple of areas and these vampires are probably located in a larger community and a small number are branching out into smaller communities, the one in which the Preacher lives being one of those.
I would say that they want to migrate and turn more of the population so they will grow in numbers and become stronger and powerful as the years go by. The number of vampires at this stage would be under a hundred.
I agree about the secret being hard to find. It is the key to the survival of the human race. I think the key lies with the Preacher and his decisions - does he plot to undermine the other vampires and to expose the one thing that kills them to humanity so they can defend themselves, or does he fully succumb to being a vampire without any shred of empathy or sympathy towards humanity?
Quote:
But my intention with this story is to cater to the Atheist demographic. I want to write stories that cater to certain segments of society without necessarily having to share the views of that society myself.
I'd say this is a shame. Stories should (IMO) be universal. Even if you don't agree with something, every story should be human enough that you can appreciate and empathise with the characters and their struggles. This script seems to be doing little more than cheerleading that section of militant atheists who are unable to make a distinction between good people and bad religion, and who want to see religious people suffer just because they're religious. It's far too black and white, and the idea that you've deliberately made it so is quite troubling!
Perhaps herein lies the dilemma of finding a good balance for this story. I get what you're saying about cheerleading that section of militant Atheists. Perhaps I am being too black and white with this, gives me something to think about. I'm not sure if I explained myself properly about my goal to "write stories that cater to certain segments of society without necessarily having to share the views of that society myself" but I intended it to mean that I want to be able to write a story that appeals to any particular segment of a population on a demographic by demographic basis, without needing to share the views of that demographic. I hope that makes more sense worded that way, cause it's what I truly meant by what I had said previously.
The female vampire's perspective do not encourage empathy from the audience, I agree. What I would like to express with her is that she is like people who blame others for experiences or circumstances that were completely unforeseen or unexpected by that person but they see that person as being the one at fault regardless of their inability to have any control over a negative experience. Again I think all this comes down to execution and this is something perhaps I need to work more on.
The weapons are kind of insignificant really in terms of effectiveness against vampires but they have significance for the Preacher though but maybe this needs to be explored or explained in some way a bit more so we can see why he feels so strongly that these weapons will work and in this could show the weapons working from the Preacher's perspective in a prior event but he only saw what he wanted to see, which was a vampire being weakened by holy water or the crucifix and being destroyed by a stake.
That can be true too that it's usually when the protagonist is annoying or boring in some way etc. And you're right about this protagonist being harmless, powerless etc, he is a very weak character. It comes back to getting a balance of the character's motives, feelings and ultimately how they are presented when I find the final draft of the story
This is one of the reasons I love it here on IT, when discussions arise without falling into personal attacks as some internet discussions can be like
? But you know what I mean: you're trying to make out that faith in the weapons is central to the preacher, and that his faith hinges on the fact that they work. Why does he expect this? The only way he can be certain is if he has seen them work previously and, by the sound of it, all he has witnessed from them is failure. Otherwise it comes back to faith, and the default position of most religious people when something that depends on faith fails to work is to worry about the strength of their own faith and work harder to become more pious. 
