... so how do I know which one to turn up first, or which is more appropriate for what type of shot I want to convey?
Is this an INT. or EXT. shot?
What are the general lighting conditions?
Since you're trying to avoid that (annoyingly trendy) SAVING RYAN'S PRIVATES look (and I applaud you for that), "yeah" you're going to want to keep that shutter speed down under 100.
Unless I missed it you never really did describe what was goin on in the particular scene and the effect you were hoping to maintain.
I'm guessing there's some activity going on which only a high shutter speed makes choppy loooking.
And since the shutter is getting high I'm also guessing there's plenty of light, which also mean likely outside on a sunny or thin overcast day.
Could be two dudes walking down the road for all I know.
So then I gotta wonder how far away they are from the camera, in meters and how much tele-zoom you're using which is where a wide open aperture both pours light in and narrows your DoF - or - if you got that aperture tight as a beaver's bunghole and a near infinite DoF + no d@mn light coming in... but then your shutter speed shouldn't be an issue, and it is, so I'm guessing former rather than latter.
Now, if you're tinkering with f2 and f2.2 then bugger with the ISO until you can cough up for the ND filter set - OR - wait for a more cloudy day - OR - forget about your DoF and lock your aperture at f4 to f5.6.
See what happens.
It all depends upon what you wanna do with the conditions you have.
Oh, and I get the same playback problems on my PoS computer if I try to record in too high a resolution.
It's just too much information for my PaperWeight2000 to handle.
Since this is for testing purposes try testing in a lower resolution that your machine can handle no matter the frame rate or shutter speed, (I'm kinda surprised shutter speed would bugger with the memory, but... okay).