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Pulp It Up - Short Screenplay

E

Egidio

Pulp It Up - My Short Screenplay

Pulp It Up is a WGA registered short comedy screenplay. It's the story of Chris and Zed, two high-school graduating guys who want to film a "Pulp Fiction" remake-fake trailer, but something goes wrong. Well surely not for them. The briefcase replica from the movie, complete with inner fluerescent lamp, gets switched, with another one containing $100.000. They struggle whether or not to use that money to fulfil their lifetime dream: to film a movie they've written. But is someone after them to get the money back?

The concept is “Pulp Fiction” meets “Superbad”, as I’m profoudly inspired by them. I consider them my favourite movie ever and my favourite comedy ever. You can find many easter eggs inside =)

The ideal budget would be something around $20.000, maybe less, for an half an hour in lenght. The idea is fantastic, it could spark off into a fresh, funny, cool comedy. For those who are familiar with comedy in the style of Superbad, This is the end, 21 Jump Street and all the Apatow-Rogen-Goldberg productions. I'm looking for someone with a brain twisted enaugh to understand the potential of my creation, other people would turn it down just for the tone of the language.

ENJOY:

SCRIPT

SYNOPSIS & CHARACTERS
 
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I got about half way through and couldn't continue. [Edit] Had to force myself to read the rest. Not a good sign.

Maybe I'm getting too old. Maybe I just don't get it. It seemed like you missed most of the marks. I see you're from Italy. I think you've falling victim to comedy through international borders. Which means, I'm sorry to say, I just don't think this piece of humor will travel beyond your border. It comes across as angry kids doing sweet f'all.

Who knows, maybe I just didn't get what you were doing. Once you make it and I see it, maybe I'll get it.

The ideal budget would be something around $20.000
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You got that in place?

I'm looking for someone with a brain twisted enough to understand the potential of my creation, other people would turn it down just for the tone of the language.
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I'd even consider turning the tone up if you could make the funny travel. If you push the boundaries, turn it up even more, you could really hit a chord with the audience that may appreciate gutter comedy. Comedy is tough to execute. It's more than trying to hit someone with a hammer until they submit.

Alternatively, you could go Pulp Fiction more, though I think the characters need a complete rewrite to be able to believably pull off "Tarantino speak"
 
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Sweetie said:
I got about half way through and couldn't continue. [Edit] Had to force myself to read the rest. Not a good sign.

Maybe I'm getting too old. Maybe I just don't get it. It seemed like you missed most of the marks. I see you're from Italy. I think you've falling victim to comedy through international borders. Which means, I'm sorry to say, I just don't think this piece of humor will travel beyond your border. It comes across as angry kids doing sweet f'all.

Who knows, maybe I just didn't get what you were doing. Once you make it and I see it, maybe I'll get it.



You got that in place?



I'd even consider turning the tone up if you could make the funny travel. If you push the boundaries, turn it up even more, you could really hit a chord with the audience that may appreciate gutter comedy. Comedy is tough to execute. It's more than trying to hit someone with a hammer until they submit.

Alternatively, you could go Pulp Fiction more, though I think the characters need a complete rewrite to be able to believably pull off "Tarantino speak"
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Thanks for this extended feedback, Sweetie =)
Can I ask you a question? What do you think of these following movies:
Superbad
This is The end
Pineapple Express
Your Highness
The Watch

As I'm comedicly inspired by them =P
 
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Egidio said:
You are exactly the target audience I'm looking for =D
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Cool :cool:

It's an interesting idea, but I feel like there's lot of... well let's say colorful language being thrown around that isn't very funny or interesting. Sometimes when watching a horror film with a high body count, it feels more like a war film then a horror film because of the large amount of deaths. The violence becomes mind numbing. The same goes with language. After a while it becomes less funny and fresh, and more so boring and annoying. Also, the screenplay could have had a lot cut out. There were lots of scenes that felt misplaced or just put there as filler. It took away from the story, which I found interesting. One of the scenes that comes to mind is the mayo girl. Yeah... that had absolutely nothing to do with the story. Moments like that interrupted the flow of the story, which ultimately led to me giving up and skipping to the end.

Overall, I think you did a good job trying, but it fell flat. The comedic moments in the screenplay interrupted the flow of the story, and it was long - and at least to me, unfunny.

With some serious editing and better timing of the "jokes" I think this could be a decent screenplay.
 
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Also, i would like to make clear one thing: I'm not trying to pull off the tarantinian's yaking, my story is about these two young, half loosers, Tarantino lovers, filmmakers who are obviously not enaugh skilled to film what they want to film. The only similarity with Tarantino's style that I've put in the script is in the scene at the diner, the "filler" talk, the "whaterver" talk, famous Quentin's mark, that's the only true homage I did to him, aside from the very "references" from Pulp Fiction.

Thanks =)
 
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ChimpPhobiaFilms said:
Cool :cool:

It's an interesting idea, but I feel like there's lot of... well let's say colorful language being thrown around that isn't very funny or interesting. Sometimes when watching a horror film with a high body count, it feels more like a war film then a horror film because of the large amount of deaths. The violence becomes mind numbing. The same goes with language. After a while it becomes less funny and fresh, and more so boring and annoying. Also, the screenplay could have had a lot cut out. There were lots of scenes that felt misplaced or just put there as filler. It took away from the story, which I found interesting. One of the scenes that comes to mind is the mayo girl. Yeah... that had absolutely nothing to do with the story. Moments like that interrupted the flow of the story, which ultimately led to me giving up and skipping to the end.

Overall, I think you did a good job trying, but it fell flat. The comedic moments in the screenplay interrupted the flow of the story, and it was long - and at least to me, unfunny.

With some serious editing and better timing of the "jokes" I think this could be a decent screenplay.
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Thank you so much for reading and feedbacking, Chimp. The "mayo girl" is a spoof of this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f24DOkYMa6o

also, I know that it has nothing to do with the story, but that's a scene like that in every movie, exactly like pulp fiction or whatever movie. They are indeed just driving to their friend's house, they're just chatting =)
 
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Egidio said:
Thank you so much for reading and feedbacking, Chimp. The "mayo girl" is a spoof of this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f24DOkYMa6o

=)
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Great scene.

What's great about Tarantino is that he can take what would be normal, everyday dialogue and scenes, and cleverly place them in his films. He also has extremely long speeches and conversations in his films. I think he's a great filmmaker, but very few can master the way he writes and executes dialogue.
 
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ChimpPhobiaFilms said:
Great scene.

What's great about Tarantino is that he can take what would be normal, everyday dialogue and scenes, and cleverly place them in his films. He also has extremely long speeches and conversations in his films. I think he's a great filmmaker, but very few can master the way he writes and executes dialogue.
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I love the way he becomes "meta" and kind spoof himself, LIKE HERE XD:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_3x65FJH_0


1:11:50 diner scene, 7 minutes in LONG TAKE, talking about nothing XD
 
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Can I ask you a question? What do you think of these following movies:
Superbad
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I've only seen 2 on your list. Of which, McLovin would be my favorite. It wasn't aimed at me as its target market. I saw it quite my accident, though I loved it and I have watched it many times since. Superbad is also an example of a movie that (in my opinion) came down to it's execution. I suspect I wouldn't get the script until I saw it or had a lot of access to the director to explain the comedy within the scenes.

The huge difference between Superbad and your script is the audience can relate to and cheer for the characters within Superbad. Not so much with your script. This may be a side effect of what you were trying to achieve.

This is The end
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It was ok. It had its moments, though I didn't find a lot of it funny.

Pineapple Express
Your Highness
The Watch
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Haven't seen these.
 
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Sweetie said:
I've only seen 2 on your list. Of which, McLovin would be my favorite. It wasn't aimed at me as its target market. I saw it quite my accident, though I loved it and I have watched it many times since. Superbad is also an example of a movie that (in my opinion) came down to it's execution. I suspect I wouldn't get the script until I saw it or had a lot of access to the director to explain the comedy within the scenes.

The huge difference between Superbad and your script is the audience can relate to and cheer for the characters within Superbad. Not so much with your script. This may be a side effect of what you were trying to achieve.



It was ok. It had its moments, though I didn't find a lot of it funny.



Haven't seen these.
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I wish you finished my script, at least you would read about the briefcase switching and the moment where they find the money =)

I've actually wrote something for what happens afterwards, just ideas in case this becomes a feature. If you wanna read what happens after they find the money just let me know, I'll upload it on dropbox as I did for the short ;)
 
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