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Psychologist of a Psychologist

I have an idea for a short script.

It's about a depressed guy with an unrequited love, who goes to a psychologist and finds her trying to commit a suicide. He saves her from jumping out of the window of her office, plans to go another psychologist, a sane one, but realizes she might repeat her attempt to commit a suicide. From that moment he learns that the psychologist's problem is similar to his, but much more serious and extreme. He talks her out of the suicide idea, convinces her to move on, which in turn helps him deal with his own problem. After he leaves the office, another patient enters it, sees the psychologist trying to jump out of the window and saves her. We learn it is just a trick, acted by the psychologist to help his patients deal with their problems.

What I do like about the idea, that it's 2 actors (well, 2 + a non-actor), and one location (or maybe 2 locations, the office and the waiting room).

What do you think about that?
 
Yes, what's here not to like?

It easily seems like you're passive aggressively attacking the psychiatry and then you have the audience out of the story... Maybe better not make up a mental illness...
 
I won't make mental illnesses. It's difficult to act (and to write as well). Also, people can go to psychologists with everyday man problems, like stress or broken love or whatever. It doesn't have to be mental illness.

In my case, I've chosen a guy with a standard problem - he is in love with a girl, but she keeps him in friend-zone, dates other guys, and talks to him only when she needs a favor. Because he is in love with her, he does ANYTHING she asks, hoping that someday they will become something more than friends. Also, he is a virgin, not because he can't get a girl, but because he promised himself that his first time will be with that girl he loves.

And as I said, the psychologist who wanted to commit a suicide has a similar problem - she is too good of a person too, but in this case it's more complicated. Her husband doesn't even hide the fact he sleeps with different women, but when he breaks up with another woman, he returns to her, the psychologist, until he finds a new one. But she has to live with that, because she has a son in jail, a lot of debts, and the husband is the only person who can help her financially. So she does everything he asks, like bringing him a coffee machine at night, because his is broken, so that he and his lover could enjoy a coffee when they don't have sex. The husband simply uses her to do favors for him, and doesn't care for his own son in jail, because all the marriage happened as a result of an unexpected pregnancy. This pregnancy also caused the psychologist to give up her dream of becoming a singer/actress.

What's common between both characters, is that both are very altruistic, which is actively exploited by the people around them. Both are tired living with that. They want to start thinking about themselves sometimes.
 
Inarius, keep it simple. That's way too complicated for a short. Take your idea and put it into a simple six act structure.

Act 1 - Set Up (introduce the characters and situation)
Young man breaks up with his girlfriend and feels depressed. He makes an appointment with the psychologist.

Act 2 - Introduce a New Situation and a Complication
He arrives and is ushered in by the secretary because the psychologist is on the ledge. He's asked to watch her while the secretary calls for help.

Act 3 - Formulate a Plan of Action to Succeed (character throws self in headlong)
He talks to her and the psychologist shares a bit. He then volunteers information about his life problems. They go back and forth.

Act 4 - More Complications and Higher Stakes (usually a major setback)
She starts to edge away so he climbs out beside her and they talk some more.

Act 5 - Final Push to Succeed with it looking unlikely (suspenseful moment, climax)
Finally, he manages to convince her to come inside. He feels much more focused and upbeat. The secretary is relieved.

Act 6 - Resolution and the Ever After
The reveal that it's a ruse and the set-up for the psychologist's next client. A fear of spiders.

It's a simple, humorous short if you keep it simple. You don't need all the catastrophe and melodrama. This can be an easy 6-9 page script with basically an office interior and window ledge exterior (obviously faked to look high up). Three people. Try to write this so all the dialogue and actions are kept to one page for each act above. For acts 3, 4 and 5 you can use two pages. Not allowing yourself free rein, using this disciplined approach, will make you focus on saying what needs to be said. Good luck!
 
FantasySciFi, that's what I planned. 1-2 locations, 2-3 actors. I don't even need to show the girl he loves. I can give a standard situation:

1) - The guy types in google "how to take a girl to a movie" (since he's not successful with girls)
2) - Reads the results
3) - Holds the phone, hesitates whether to dial the girl, and at the end he doesn't
4) - Suddenly the girl calls him. He is like "Wow! She calls me!" (face expression, not dialogue)
5) - The girl asks her to take her to cinema on his car.
6) - He is like "Wow! She wants to go to a movie with me!" (face expression, not dialogue)
7) - He agrees
8) - She says her boyfriend's car is broken, so they need someone with a car to take them there, so that she and her BF could enjoy the movie
9) - The guy is stunned, but agrees. (he loves her, but she keeps him in "friend-zone")
10) - The guy can't live this way any longer. He goes to a psychologist

All the exposition in a 30-seconds phone call. What do you think? :)

P.S. Wouldn't the receptionist manage to bring a help like 10 times, while the protag talks the psychologist out of suicide? I planned to have the psychologist say "You shout for help or call the police and I'll jump right now". This cancels the options to call the police or shout for help. Nor can he leave the office and call for help. He can't leave her like that - she'll jump.
 
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Nah, the secretary is part of the ruse. She goes back in and files or whatever. The purpose is that the boy is forced to be outgoing and heroic in a way he's not been in his previous relationship. If it had been an actual emergency, she would have called for help much sooner before the kid arrived. That could be part of the reason the psychologist moves farther out, when he remarks "What's keeping them?" and starts towards the window. I think you have a good idea and are on the right track.
 
Nah, the secretary is part of the ruse. She goes back in and files or whatever. The purpose is that the boy is forced to be outgoing and heroic in a way he's not been in his previous relationship. If it had been an actual emergency, she would have called for help much sooner before the kid arrived. That could be part of the reason the psychologist moves farther out, when he remarks "What's keeping them?" and starts towards the window. I think you have a good idea and are on the right track.

The question is, what happens later, AFTER the boy helps her solve the problem and leaves the office? He should meet the secretary again, in the outer office. He must say her/him something. He can't just ignore her. And we, the audience, must figure out somehow that he/she was a part of the ruse.
 
I think I can do this:
When the guy leaves the office, he bypasses the secretary table, but the secretary is not there. He gives no attention to this, because he believes the psychologist is already "healed". A new patient arrives, finds no receptionist, and heads directly to the psychologist office. After the new patient disappears from sight (but not reaches the office yet), the secretary reappears from another room (still in the outer office), calls the psychologist, says "Reset", and receives an answer "Copy that". Then, the last shot is when the new patient enters the psychologist's office and sees the psychologist on the ledge.
 
I actually find that quite offensive, the way it reduces depression to being solved by a cheesy hollywood pep talk. The dialogue is clunky and the ending is unsatisfactory.

Sorry I have to hit and run, in a rush!
 
I actually find that quite offensive, the way it reduces depression to being solved by a cheesy hollywood pep talk. The dialogue is clunky and the ending is unsatisfactory.

But it wasn't solved by that pep talk. Actually, I've written quite the opposite: The guy FAILS to talk her out of suicide. She says, - "Too late", and wants to jump. That's why the guy climbs on the ledge with her, and says that if she jumps, he jumps after her. And then comes the personal example he shows her, when he tells his "girlfriend" to f*ck off. It's his ACTION that solves the conflict, the first time he gets the guts to say "No!" to that girl.
 
The only thing that bugs me about the concept - I haven't read the script - is that psychologists and psychiatrists regularly go to their own psychologist/psychiatrist. Your psychologist would have been diagnosed long before and would have been barred from practicing.
 
But it wasn't solved by that pep talk. Actually, I've written quite the opposite: The guy FAILS to talk her out of suicide. She says, - "Too late", and wants to jump. That's why the guy climbs on the ledge with her, and says that if she jumps, he jumps after her. And then comes the personal example he shows her, when he tells his "girlfriend" to f*ck off. It's his ACTION that solves the conflict, the first time he gets the guts to say "No!" to that girl.

I don't buy that at all - not least because the Ilana character is clearly just pretending and (terribly over-) acting. I don't think you can have your cake and eat it that she spends her days standing on a ledge instead of analysing people AND is also depressed.

The only arguably depressed person is Shlomi, but the portrayal is so facile and shallow that it barely registers as such. And the suggestion that mental illness is so easy that that same one party trick fits all is particularly offensive.

I think there is possibly a good idea in there somewhere, but this draft is not getting it across at all.
 
The only thing that bugs me about the concept - I haven't read the script - is that psychologists and psychiatrists regularly go to their own psychologist/psychiatrist. Your psychologist would have been diagnosed long before and would have been barred from practicing.
If the psychologist had a problem, you would be correct. There is a branch of therapy that uses paradoxical approaches to help clients. It works very well with some clients. The important piece for this short is that it has to be humorous or at least light to be effective.

@Inarius: I don't think the dialogue works. It's way too serious. It needs to be more nebulous. She doesn't immediately let on she's the psychologist. She needs to pull more out of him about his problem and help him gain perspective. Make it less about her and more about him. For example,

Code:
INT.  DR. ILANASKOVYA'S OFFICE - DAY

The office is filled with books, diplomas and expensive decor.
An attractive woman, ILANA (30s), stands on a chair in front
of an open window.

                   SHLOMI
   Uh, wouldn't you feel more comfortable
   coming down from there?

                   ILANA
   Things are so much clearer from up here.
   What are you here to see the shrink for?

Shlomi edges closer.

                   SHLOMI
    I - well - I have a problem with girls.

She bursts into tears. The chair rocks.  Shlomi races forward.

                  ILANA
     Stay back!  You men are all alike!

                  SHLOMI
     I'm not sure what you mean.  I'm sure
     when Dr. Ilanaskovya returns ...

                  ILANA
     No shrinks!  You tell us how pretty we
     are when all you want is sex.

                  SHLOMI
     I don't want ... well, I think about it but
     it's not really like that with her.

Ilana turns about and looks at Shlomi, shakes her head and
turns back.

                  ILANA
     I knew it. You think being handsome will
     weaken my resolve.  I won't be toyed with.

She starts to climb on the window sill.

                  SHLOMI
      No!  Wait!  I'm not handsome.

He pauses but she's out the window.  He glances back at the 
reception area, shakes his head then proceeds to the window.
...
 
The only thing that bugs me about the concept - I haven't read the script - is that psychologists and psychiatrists regularly go to their own psychologist/psychiatrist. Your psychologist would have been diagnosed long before and would have been barred from practicing.

Well, mistakes happen. :)
Police have their own police that watches over them, yet they still violate the law.
Politicians have an organization that watch over them, yet some still go corrupt.
And remember a few weeks ago, when an unstable German pilot crushed a plane on flight? Don't pilots have psychologists, or other procedures to check if they are fit to fly?

And since in my script the psychologist isn't really depressed, he just acts it to help his patients, there is no reason for him to be barred from practicing. On the contrary, if such methods help (in the reality of my story they do), this psychologist must have a big portfolio of successful cases.

I don't buy that at all - not least because the Ilana character is clearly just pretending and (terribly over-) acting. I don't think you can have your cake and eat it that she spends her days standing on a ledge instead of analysing people AND is also depressed.

The only arguably depressed person is Shlomi, but the portrayal is so facile and shallow that it barely registers as such. And the suggestion that mental illness is so easy that that same one party trick fits all is particularly offensive.

I think there is possibly a good idea in there somewhere, but this draft is not getting it across at all.

Ilana pretends to be depressed, not really depressed, that's the part of the trick. :)

About the effectiveness of such method, I know this trick doesn't help in the real world. The thing is that my script is more a dark comedy, than a serious drama. I actually WANTED to create an absurd.

I understand you notes about Shlomi. That's the reason I made him young. Teenagers are used to overreact to their problems, make them bigger than they are. Ilana clearly shows him that his problem is nothing compared to the problems of the grown-ups.

I agree that Ilana may be overacting. I'll do something with that.

@Inarius: I don't think the dialogue works. It's way too serious. It needs to be more nebulous. She doesn't immediately let on she's the psychologist. She needs to pull more out of him about his problem and help him gain perspective. Make it less about her and more about him. For example,

Shlomi wouldn't understand she's a psychologist? If you enter an office and find there someone, wouldn't you think the office is his, by default? :)

Anyway, yes, I do agree the dialogue could be less serious, but it will get more and more serious as the story progresses. To make the choice to say "F*ck off!" to that girl at the end, Shlomi needs to get these tools:
1) - Understand that Ilana's problem is much more serious than his
2) - Become more determined. Be the one to make decisions.
3) - Realize he must face the danger, not run away from it

The dialogue may start nebulous, but it should get deeper and more serious. Well, at least for the characters. Shlomi must believe it's serious. This is what I'll try to do in the next draft.
 
That's another thing - maybe it's different in Israel, but here in the UK there is enough respect for professionals such as doctors that a patient would never go barging into her office unannounced just because he would otherwise have to wait for a receptionist to arrive. As I say, it might just be a quaint British thing (although Tony Soprano does the same thing, and he's anything but quaint :))

I KNOW that Ilana is only pretending to be depressed - that's why your first point about how Shlomi "solved" her depression is irrelevant.

Dark comedies work best when the darkly comic aspects exist in a real world setting. This clearly isn't a real-world setting, so it doesn't work for me as a dark comedy at all. If you're making a film set almost exclusively in a psychologist's office and you give no consideration to actual human psychology, instead just making it a setting for a gimmick, what's the point?
 
Shlomi wouldn't understand she's a psychologist? If you enter an office and find there someone, wouldn't you think the office is his, by default? :)

If this is Shlomi's first visit and a panicked secretary grabs him by the arm and says watch her, I would think his first reaction is this is one of the doctor's patients. She's running to find the doctor. One doesn't expect one's doctor to be standing by a window. English doesn't distinguish gender easily. So "Doctor" can be a man or woman. If he has an ad, it doesn't imply a male or female. Though the name I pulled out of thin air might suggest that it, a more neutral choice would be better.

Anyway, yes, I do agree the dialogue could be less serious, but it will get more and more serious as the story progresses. To make the choice to say "F*ck off!" to that girl at the end, Shlomi needs to get these tools:
1) - Understand that Ilana's problem is much more serious than his
2) - Become more determined. Be the one to make decisions.
3) - Realize he must face the danger, not run away from it

The dialogue may start nebulous, but it should get deeper and more serious. Well, at least for the characters. Shlomi must believe it's serious. This is what I'll try to do in the next draft.
For this to work, you need to keep it light throughout. You cross genres otherwise. Ilana doesn't have to have a more serious problem. In fact, she should try to make her problems resemble his. As he helps her to solve "her" problem, he is gaining the tools to help himself. When she steps back in, it's because he's made a breakthrough in dealing with his own issues. Her "victory" is in reality his victory.

Going dark will destroy this piece which should remain upbeat to get its message across. Shlomi is a teen. He believes he is helping to save someone. That's as deep and serious as this needs to go. Really. The point is that he learns a lesson in self esteem. That doesn't mean invoking abuse and serious issues. You need to keep in mind the mood of the audience. They can't rebound quickly from heavy material. In a feature you have time to develop and resolve pain and grief. In a short, you don't. I'm not saying every line must be fun and can't have serious content, but realize that as a writer Shlomi is a teen, not a psychologist. He can't address serious issues let alone how to ask a girl on a date. You need to keep the conversation at that level of understanding.

She was dumped by a guy because he didn't like her laugh. Now that's a subliminal challenge for him to make her laugh and praise her. The psychologist guides him to build a couple skills. You should do some research or talk with a counselor to help you write her dialogue more effectively. It's a good idea but the focus needs to be Shlomi and his problem. He's the protagonist.
 
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