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watch Psychological Horror short film (19 min) - I would appreciate feedback/questions

B

BruceDowns

Hi guys, I’m in the final stages of edits of my new short film NO MORE FORGIVENESS. It was filmed on a Nikon D600

The total, money wise, was about $150 dollars (food money). We were able to get all locations for free including the Gwinnett County jail, Bar, Schlotsky’s, Suwanee City Hall, and the cars (Porsche 911 and two Lexus’ from a local car dealership) Anyways

I hope you enjoy it and would appreciate any feedback or questions as I still have time before the premiere to make changes.

Running time: 19 minutes

Which will be online temporarily for festival reasons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAx5hrTU6Gs

Note: we are replacing one small 4-5 second scene that will be replaced a 3D modal of the baby (with a ghost looking baby) in the Schlotsky’s scene and will update the film when we make some of the recommended changes.

Synopsis:
NO MORE FORGIVENESS is about a husband who is confronted by the spirit of his family. Through pain, insanity, and redemption, he learns that forgiveness is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to get.
 
Also note that 4 songs were all written and performed by a High School senior in only 3 weeks from receiving the script to going to the recording studio. Incredible talent.
 
The sound was unbearable.

Mix that with the song you have playing at the beginning and I can make the words out of what the characters are saying between what the person is singing.
 
OK anyone else besides tokenwhiteboy? IndiePaul has a different take on the sound saying it sounds better than alot of shorts he's heard. Thanks.
 
LOL.

Just because the sound is better than a lot of shorts, doesn't mean it's still not bad - considering the sound on most indie shorts is unbearable.

Seriously, I'd consider more instrumental music where you have people speaking. Will make it much easier for the audience to hear.

Regarding the visuals... the editing looked pretty good. I'm a bit torn between the coloring. It's almost a bit too contrasty / dark. It does have a film look, but dialing it back a bit might make it less noticeable.

I like how your re-cut the initial office entrance, much more watchable.

The framing is really good.

But seriously... the songs over the talking is making me want to stop watching... but I will continue... for you Bruce :)

I love the shot a 4:00 - she's good

Would have been nice for one person drinking to wipe the top... would have made that more realistic

Restaurant scene - man I hate to harp on it.. .but the song is killing me... a score is meant to add to the emotion, what those songs do is distract from your film

Seriously, the framing (10:50 especially) and editing is really good.

The jail scene needed better lighting and focus.

Overall, I'm not that fond of the story, but the visual execution was damn good. Nice work.

The reason I harp on the sound is that while some will say it's 50% of the equation... I believe it is more like 80%.

I'd seriously consider ADR before submitting to a festival.
 
Thanks tokenwhiteboy for the detail review this is something i can work with. I know I have a lot to learn and that's why I'm here.
 
It was pretty good! 4.5 out of 5 (I only took out .5 because there was not aspect ratio and the color correction was a bit contrasty for my taste.) But the story was good and it made me scared. Good job.
 
First post :)

Hi Bruce, that was awesome!

I loved the story, and I'm amazed at the number of actors, extras, locations and makeup you were able to get for free.

I have to agree with the other people who have posted here though.
The film is visually stunning, but the sound is average or maybe even mediocre.

The sound effects and music are fine (other than I wish there was a tiny bit more "oomph"/dread/dark in the music at 12:00), but a lot of the dialogue is hard to hear and is echoey.
This is especially the case first off the bat until the voiceover (not really a good first impression) and in the bar scene.
If you still have time I would see if there isn't a way to increase the volume while reducing the echo, although I'm not sure how to do this as I'm still a noob.

One other suggestion is at 17:25 the crash sound is superimposed on the main character being brightly lit but not affected in any way. I thought the lady may have hit another car in front of him until it was clear he was dead and seeing his family. Consider fading to black and having the car crash sound overlay that. I think everyone will "get" that he was killed.

Anyway, good luck in your festival submissions!
 
Cut out the first 5 minutes, and begin the film with them drinking. The man gets in his car, and right before the impact of the two cars, cut to black. Cut to the two laying in the grass and talking, then man at the AA meetings telling the story. Throughout, we cut to him seeing the woman everywhere he goes. Then cut to the AA meeting ending and him seeing the woman, followed by the man killing himself and then laying down with his family.

I recommend you get a composer and Foley artist to work on the project. You may want to do some ADR as well. Work on your color grading. Many shots look overdone and are often distracting, especially the one when he wants to kill himself with the gun.

But it's a nice short film, that with some post-work could be something truly fantastic.

Good luck in the festival circuit! :)
 
Thanks guys. I'm forwarding your suggestions to my editor. I tell you what I'm also struggling with...The trailer. I have no clue.

Do you guys also write a trailer script before filming? Any suggsetions on what I should show with the trailer? Thanks.
 
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il keep updating this post to keep my opinions fresh as i go along.

1. sound design needs to be completely looked over again from fresh, the dialogue sound effect doesnt match in alot of places, best example is in the office where he is on the phone and his gf or whatever walks in, one minute his voice is very echoey next its plain? also footsteps other people midly talking etc etc, pay more attention, also the space of sound how close someone should sound etc needs to be looked at a bit more.

2. i dont get the continuation of the music, it seems pointless and doesnt add anything, I think if it were taken away and more office noise put in then it would flow better.

3. the guys drinking the champagne.. i dont get it, it looks fake and akward, the camerawork on the girl when they come in just looks akward aswell its a bit uneasy on the eye

4. the kiss is way too long, also just before that there is a bit of dialogue where shes about to speak but it cuts to another take, you need to cut it sooner.

5. please please please get rid of that constant irritating music

6. im up to 7 minutes il have to watch the rest later, as a note, theres alot i feel could be taken out of this, theres nothing impacting me at the moment nothing to give me a reason to keep watching it.
 
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