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critique PRELUDIUM | Short film - Can you give your opinion?

Dears,
I have been working with audiovisual for 10 years. My dream was always to make a narrative film, but I never did. Although my work on advertising films brought me a lot of learning, I feel it is time. I wrote my first short, which will be filmed in portuguese (I'm brazilian) but I translated to english to submit to Scriptlab festival, and get help from you. I really appreciate if someone could read this. English is not my mother language but I did a great effort to translate correctly.

It is a historical fiction about two real portuguese characters, which are so deeply mysterious that my fiction fit into the dark areas of their stories. It have a lot of symbolism and connections with the historical facts (in the case of the King Sebastian) and with the poetical work (in the case of the poet Fernando Pessoa).

Appreciate any help, this is my very first try in my biggest dream.
Thank you very much!
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Are you looking for story and dialogue critique, formatting critique, or English language critique, or all?
 
Are you looking for story and dialogue critique, formatting critique, or English language critique, or all?

Thanks for your response. I am looking especially for story critique, because the film will be shot in portuguese. I appreciate any other critique, although. I am like a blind person at this moment, I never did something like this. I have a lot of experience directing, but never writing and directing what I wrote.
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
There's a few members here who can certainly help for free, but also that's a lot of work to critique, and we also offer discounted screenplay services here.
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
She's a staff member here. She can probably help you out with some free advice... if she has time. But if you like her advice and want her to tackle the whole screenplay, we offer that discount. :)
 

indietalk

IndieTalk Founder
Staff Member
Admin
Thank you for upgrading and also, if you don't have Final Draft 11, now you can get it even cheaper than on amazon! Just let me know and I'll send your code. :cheers:
 

mlesemann

Staff Member
Moderator
She's a staff member here. She can probably help you out with some free advice... if she has time. But if you like her advice and want her to tackle the whole screenplay, we offer that discount.

I could give you some general feedback on the first 10 pages for free, but beyond that I would need to charge you.

You can PM me on here, or check out my site & message me through there if you're interested.
 
I could give you some general feedback on the first 10 pages for free, but beyond that I would need to charge you.

You can PM me on here, or check out my site & message me through there if you're interested.

Hey Mara, nice to meet you. My script is 12 pages long, but even if it had less, I make a point of paying it for your review. This is not an easy job, and thank you very much for making yourself available. How do we proceed?
 

mlesemann

Staff Member
Moderator
If you would just like my feedback on story, characters, plot development, etc., you can email a pdf to me at Mara.Lesemann@gmail.com
I will read it and send notes to you by Sunday afternoon.

If you would also like me to edit it (for grammar, spelling, punctuation, word usage, and script format), you would share it to me on Celtx.
That would take a few more days.

Either way, you can pay me via PayPal when we're done.

The discounted fee would be $0.97/page for feedback, $1.95/page for editing, or $2.60/page for both.

Feel free to email me directly with any questions.
 
If you would just like my feedback on story, characters, plot development, etc., you can email a pdf to me at Mara.Lesemann@gmail.com
I will read it and send notes to you by Sunday afternoon.

If you would also like me to edit it (for grammar, spelling, punctuation, word usage, and script format), you would share it to me on Celtx.
That would take a few more days.

Either way, you can pay me via PayPal when we're done.

The discounted fee would be $0.97/page for feedback, $1.95/page for editing, or $2.60/page for both.

Feel free to email me directly with any questions.

Thanks Mara. I just sent it. Please do not rush. I have time. It is an expensive project which will demand financiation. We will shoot it only January 2020.
Thank you very much for your attention.
 
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